"Smiling's my favorite."

Tuesday, December 22, 2009
9:16 pm  <3

Best Moment of the Weekend:  Watching my mom smile as she watched my dad smiling at something on tv. 

It made me smile.  :)

Love,
Tara

A Toy Store Story

Monday, December 21, 2009
10:44 am My favorite week of the year…

It’s Christmastime at a local toy store. Young employees in black aprons (all female) rush around the crowded store, juggling piles of boxes, picking up toys, and helping customers. Little children chase each other through the aisles, knocking over toys and dodging their hassled-looking mothers. The store is noisy with the sounds of shrieking children, gossiping mothers, and the constant ‘SHHHHHHCCK’ of wrapping paper being torn from the metal reams.

The phone rings. Tara is on her hands and knees in the middle of the toy store, attempting the wrap a giant pink doll house. The phone rings again. Tara blows her hair out of her face and looks around to see if anyone is going to answer it. It rings again. Swearing under her breath, Tara jogs across the floor to grab the phone.

“[Insert store name here],” Tara says, with a sigh.

“Do you sell Webkinz?” a little girl asks timidly through the phone.

Tara softens a little. She is less annoyed now that she’s talking to a little kid.

“Yes we do!” she says, smiling into the phone.

“Okay,” says the little voice.

“Did you want a special kind? I can tell you which ones we have,” Tara offers.

The customer for whom Tara was wrapping the giant pink doll house approaches the counter, looking at her impatiently. Tara gives the woman a big smile and turns away, rolling her eyes. She’d rather talk to this little girl.

“No, that’s okay,” says the little voice.

“Oh, okay,” says Tara, a little disappointed. “Well, have a good d- ”

“Are you wearing earrings?” the little voice asks suddenly.

"I'm sorry?"

"Are you wearing earrings?" the little voice repeats.

“Uh- Yes…” replies Tara, reaching up to feel the large, silver plate dangling from her left ear.

“I saw you when I was there with my mom this morning. I really like your earrings.”

“Oh!” exclaims Tara, quite touched. “Well, thank you! I- ”

“Okay, bye,” says the little voice.

“Oh. Bye!” says Tara.

Tara hits the “Off” button on the phone with a beep, and stands, looking at the phone for a moment. Then, ignoring the doll house lady who is now glaring at her, returns to the half-finished doll house, smiling to herself as she wraps.

Love,
Tara

Moras About Me

Monday, December 14, 2009
9:49 pm  lkdjfsalk.

Ever since Kaitlyn had to write a haiku for her NYU application, I've been thinking about my life in phrases of 5/7/5 syllables.  If you know me at all, you know I'm a poet in every sense of the word: I'm amazing at acrostics, can rhyme on a dime (...), and have been known to rap occasionally (this may or may not have been caught on video a time or two).  Now, allow me to prove my haiku skillz (everyone knows you get automatic street cred if you spell that with a 'z'), with a post about my day, in haikus.  Your Mind = Blown.

Early morning:

Early morning run
Why do I torture myself?
To hear myself think


Morning:

My job makes me laugh
I will write a book someday
Ring, wrap and repeat


Afternoon:

Glastonbury mom
Your sad life is not my fault
Wrap your own damn gifts


Late Afternoon:

Lines at post office
Christmas carols on a loop
Love/hate December


Evening:

No one is home yet
Turn on all the Christmas lights
Wait and watch the door


Night:

Shop online and blog
Scour Craigslist for sane roommate
Hope the Celtics win


Late Night:

Made a wish last night
On a shooting star, from bed
It was worth a shot


Love,
Tara

"It's The Most Wonderful Time of the Year"

Sunday, December 13, 2009
8:44 pm  I know, I know...

Okay, I've been a bad little blogger lately.  But before I remedy that, I need to provide you with this REALLY important post: Tara's Holiday Viewing Guide 2009.  You've been begging me for it for weeks (and by 'you' I mean Kaitlyn and Mom), so here it is.  Enjoy :)

Sunday, December 13
- White Christmas  8 pm  AMC
- Elf  9 pm  USA

Monday, December 14
- White Christmas  1 am  AMC
- Elf  11:05 pm  USA

Tuesday, December 15
- Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer  7 pm  ABCFAM
- *Charlie Brown Christmas  8 pm  ABC
- Elf  9 pm  USA

Wednesday, December 16
- How the Grinch Stole Christmas  8 pm  Toon

Thursday, December 17
- Saturday Night Live Christmas 2009  8 pm  NBC
- How the Grinch Stole Christmas  9 pm  Toon

Friday, December 18
- Elf  7 pm  USA
- The Santa Clause  7 pm  Disney
- *Frosty the Snowman  8 pm  CBS

Saturday, December 19
- The Holiday  12 am  TBS
- The Santa Claus  12 pm  Disney
- *The Holiday  12:45 pm  TBS
- Elf  8 pm  CBS
- *Muppets Christmas: Letters to Santa  8 pm  NBC
- The Family Stone  10 pm  FX

Sunday, December 20
- The Family Stone  7 pm  FX
- How the Grinch Stole Christmas  9 pm  Toon

Monday, December 21
- How the Grinch Stole Christmas  9 pm  Toon
- The Polar Express  8 pm  Disney

Tuesday, December 22
- The Polar Express  12 pm  Disney
- Home Alone  8 pm  FX
- How the Grinch Stole Christmas  8:30 pm  Toon
- Home Alone  10 pm  FX

Wednesday, December 23
- Miracle on 34th Street  7:30 pm  ABCFAM
- *How the Grinch Stole Christmas  8 pm  ABC
- *The Polar Express  10 pm  ABCFAM

Thursday, December 24
- White Christmas  9 am  AMC
- White Christmas  11:45 am  AMC
- White Christmas  2:30 pm  AMC
- *Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer  3:30 pm  ABCFAM
- *The Santa Clause  4 pm  Disney
- White Christmas  5:15 pm  AMC
- *It’s A Wonderful Life  8 pm  NBC
- *Santa Claus Is Comin’ to Town  8 pm  ABCFAM
- White Christmas  8 pm  AMC
- *Year without a Santa Claus  9 pm  ABCFAM
- White Christmas  10:45 pm  AMC

Friday, December 25
- *White Christmas  1:30 am  AMC
- *Miracle on 34th Street (1994)  4 pm  ABCFAM
- *Home Alone  7:30 pm  FX
- Elf  8 pm  USA
- *Elf  9:28 pm  USA
- *The Family Stone  11:30 pm  FX
- *A Christmas Story 24-hour Marathon  TBS

* denotes the last time you can catch this special on television.
 
The following movies will not be on television this season, but you should really already own them on DVD to make your holiday viewing complete.  If you don't own them, I do, so we can watch them together :-)
 
- A Muppet Christmas Carol
- A Muppet Family Christmas
- Dr. Seuss' How the Grinch Stole Christmas (the movie)
- Love Actually
- It's a Very Merry Muppet Christmas Movie
- The Christmas Toy
- Miracle on 34th Street (1947)
 
Love,
Tara

My Quote of the Week

Monday, December 7, 2009
9:25 PM  Blerg.

Taking a page out of Jason's blog, over at Pop Culture, Politics And Everything Between, I wanted to start my own Quote of the Week!  This one comes from a surprisingly touching moment during an episode of 'The Office,' which I just saw for the 44th time tonight.  I always get goosebumps when Jim says this to a crying Dwight...

"Did I ever tell you why I left Scranton? Yeah, I didn’t think I had. Well, it was about Pam. I mean she was with Roy, and I just couldn’t take it. I mean, I lost it, Dwight. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t concentrate on anything. Even weird stuff like… food had no taste. So, my solution was to move away. It was awful. And that is something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. And that includes you."
- Jim Halpert (Season 4, Episode 4: "Money")

Love,
Tara

The Sound of Settling

Sunday, November 29, 2009
6:44 pm  Giving thanks.

Thanksgiving "break" '09 was pretty fantastic.  This is mostly due to the fact that, with all of my friends home for a few days, I could pretend to have a social life.  Each night spent catching up with my Gbury friends made me even more thankful that they're a part of my life.  It's no wonder we've all remained friends for this long.

Anyway, since talking is what we're best at, it is really no big surprise that the conversation between A, C, M, and I last night (using first initials is my attempt to protect the innocent) ended up giving me more insight into the universal differences between men and women.  The four of us were at Plan B when we started throwing around "would you rathers."  To preface, A and C are dating, which made for a nice double-date-like situation, except M is one of my oldest friends, and if we ever actually dated we'd probably kill each other.  Nevertheless, when A and C started kissing, M turned and propositioned me with an, "Okay, Tara.  Let's do this.  Put the beer bottle down."  It was really romantic.

The "would you rathers" didn't start right away.  We eased into it by starting off with a few rounds of "Cliff."  For those who are unfamiliar, Cliff is a game in which person A gives person B three names, and person B then has to decide which of those names they would a.) sleep with and never see again b.) marry but never sleep with and c.) push off a Cliff.  As you can imagine, this is a bit of a dangerous game to play, but when you throw in drinking...well, it's a great way to offend someone really quickly, especially if you're listing names of people you're sitting with.  Luckily, M said he would marry me when it was his turn to choose, though that may have been because he was sitting right next to me, and if he cliffed me I wouldn't have hesitated to punch him.

So, Cliff turned to Would You Rather, with A leading the way by asking all sorts of humdingers (Would you rather be deaf or mute?  Would you rather have ridiculous body hair or nails that grow really fast?).  We were all laughing and justifying our choices when she hit us with the big one: Would you rather have to marry the first person you ever loved or never get married?

The table fell silent for a moment, and then A and I said, simultaneously...

"I'd rather never get married."

This statement was followed by the two of us talking over each other with a lot of Oh my God I could nevers and I would sooner kill myselfs, when we realized the boys weren't chiming in.

This was because they would rather marry the first person they ever loved than never get married.

A and I were incredulous.

You can have meaningful, long-term relationships and never get married, we pointed out.

They shrugged.

You'd be passing up the chance to spend your life with your soul mate just to have the label of "married," we explained.

They shrugged again.

Why???

C explained that though he doesn't talk to the first girl he ever loved anymore, he'd rather try to love her than never be married.

M agreed and pointed out that he wanted a family and felt that it was the most financially responsible choice.

We ended up having to agree to disagree, but the whole conversation just blew my mind.  Because while A and I, the women at the table, were thinking of love and soul mates when making our choice, M and C were thinking of marriage certificates and financial stability.

So, I ask you... Is it better to hold out for something better or settle?

What would you rather do?

Love,
Tara

Are You Not Entertained?

Wednesday, November 25, 2009
3:48 PM  Happy Thanksgiving Eve!

Conversations with My Father, Part II

It's a dark November evening at the Gorman household.  Tara has just arrived home after a grueling commute from Westport, where she had a grueling day of work.  Nevertheless, her ever present cheery disposition shines through as her sister, Stephanie, and her father talk about how they spent the day preparing the house for Thanksgiving.

Stephanie: When Dad and I went to the liquor store we ran into Kristina.

Tara: No way!  That's cool.  What did you guys get at the liquor store?

(Tara glances at the wine rack.)

Tara:  Whoa!  You guys stocked up!

Dad: Yes, I've decided we're going to let Tara drink as much as she wants on Thanksgiving.

(Stephanie and Tara turn to look at their father.  Stephanie is puzzled.  Tara is surprised and delighted.)

Dad:  She's going to be the entertainment.

Love,
Tara

Don't Talk the Talk If You Can't Walk the Walk...

Friday, November 20, 2009
11:32 am  'tis the season for tofurkey...

Thanksgiving is less than a week away, and I am positively giddy.  It may just be my favorite holiday because it represents the start of the Christmas season, which is my favorite time of year.  If I ruled the world (ugh, if only) it would be all Christmas ALL THE TIME, with Christmas songs on a constant loop on the radio and Christmas specials always rerunning on TV.  As a warm up for the creation of "Tara's 2009 Holiday Viewing Guide" (coming soon!), I spent the other evening compiling a list of all the "Friends" Thanksgiving episodes, which I will watch with my sisters starting when Steph gets home on Tuesday.  I just got chills.

Thanksgiving presents an interesting challenge in my family because of our varying diets.  I'm a vegetarian, while my father, who doesn't like labels, calls himself a "minimalist" (...is that not a label?), which basically means he's a vegetarian who'll eat seafood sometimes.  In addition to this, my dad has a gluten intolerance, meaning he can't have any bread, pasta, beer (gasp!), etc.  Now, while most young adults learn to cook for themselves while away at college, I'm just starting to learn now that I'm home again.  This is because eating at our house is basically a free-for-all, with everyone's different diets and schedules, and the chances that someone went grocery shopping that week slim to none.  I've found that I can make a pretty bangin' asparagus dish (my oh so domestic sister Stephanie called to ask me how to make it a few weeks ago and it made my LIFE), which anyone attending Thanksgiving at our house this year will get to sample.  But a girl can't live on asparagus, so I branched out and bought a cookbook: The Gluten-Free Vegetarian Kitchen.  I'm planning on attacking this baby 'Julie and Julia' style, except it'll be 'Tara and Donna Klein' style (admittedly not as catchy, but it works).  The other day I started with the first appetizer recipe for 'Toasted Tex-Mex Almonds' which were delish!  Here's a pic:

So while, clearly, I can make some pretty excellent apps and side dishes, this still leaves me with a bit of a conundrum every Thanksgiving, because turkey substitutes I cannot create.  Last year I discovered that Garden of Light has a vegan Thanksgiving menu, so the other day I went there and ordered a feast.  I don't care so much about the tofurkey, but so help me God if I don't get my gravy.

Tofurkey?  Vegan gravy?  Most people hear these things, make a face, and ask me, "Why all the trouble?"  Obviously eating turkey and real gravy would be the easier, and probably tastier, option.  But I just can't bring myself to do it.  I didn't ever plan on being a vegetarian, it just... happened. 

It happened on May 7, 2006.  I was driving home from my first year at BU with my dad when he told me that he had decided to become a vegetarian after reading, "The Omnivore's Dilemma" by Michael Pollan.  Now, this surprised me because my dad has such a limited diet anyway, but after hearing him tell me about the book, I decided to give it whirl.  I'm not a spontaneous person, but for whatever reason I decided, between lunch and dinner, to become a vegetarian.  The reasons my dad was doing it were mostly environmental, but after reading the book myself, I was even further convinced that being a vegetarian was the right thing to do for moral reasons. This is a little interesting because the author himself is not a vegetarian, but after reading about the gruesome tactics used to slaughter animals for meat and the suffering most of them endure, my reasons were both environmental and moral.  It all just seemed so unnecessary.  I mean, who am I to say it's okay that an animal suffers and dies just so I can have a burger?  It didn't seem right.

Now, believe me, I am not an animal lover.  And I'd always thought of vegetarians as a bunch of dread-locked hippies who used patchouli to mask their body odor.  But the idea that I was responsible for anything suffering through its miserable life simply because I ate meat didn't sit right with me. After that, I started reading about the antibiotics and drugs that are pumped into the animals we eat, and the disgusting, unsanitary meatpacking plants that grind up anything resembling meat and ship it off to the local grocery store for us to purchase and eat, and suddenly I no longer had an appetite for meat.  Then of course there are all the health benefits associated with cutting meat from your diet, and my reasons for being a vegetarian became environmental, moral, and health.  And three and half years later, here I am.

I don't talk about the whole "being a vegetarian" thing a lot because I've found that whenever it comes up, and I start to explain why I am what I am, someone inevitably points a finger and accuses me of being self-righteous.  And the truth is, I am self-righteous.  Obviously, I think I'm making the right choice.  And I think it's my prerogative to be smugly moralistic about it.  Because I don't think anyone can actually say, "I'm completely okay with the fact that, by eating meat, I'm responsible for the pain and suffering of thousands of animals over my lifetime.  And I'm okay with the fact that, by eating meat, I am supporting an industry that is largely responsible for the carbon emissions that are causing global warming.  And I'm okay with the fact that, by eating meat, I drive health care costs way up because of the heart disease and the high-cholesterol, etc. I will need to be treated for when I'm older."  No one actually believes that.

I think most people know they shouldn't be eating meat, but it's what most people grew up doing, and it's convenient, and let's face it - it tastes pretty damn good.  And what difference does it really make if I, just one person, gives up meat anyway?

One person may not make a whole lot of difference, but I have to shake my head when people call themselves "environmentally-conscious" and "animal lovers" and "health-nuts", but continue to eat meat.

I'd rather be self-righteous than a hypocrite.

Love,
Tara

Conversations with My Mother, Part II

Wednesday, November 11, 2009
7:24 PM  I bought the wine to cook with...and drank it instead.

Conversations with My Mother

It's 7:15 on a cool November morning.  Tara skips down the stairs in her work out clothes.  The kitchen immediately lights up when she enters, as do all rooms (and people) when Tara is around.  She greets her mother, who is leaving a note for Tara's sister, Kaitlyn.

Mother:  Tara, do you have any thank you notes Kaitlyn can use?  She needs to write one to one of her teachers.

Tara: (makes a face...but like, a cute face...she still looks cute)  Yeah...but I just bought them to send after interviews.  They were really expensive.

Mother:  (makes a face)  Like how expensive?

Tara:  Like 15 dollars!

Mother:  Okay, I'll tell you what.  You let Kaitlyn use one of your thank you notes, and I'll tell your father not to cut off the heat to your bedroom.

Tara: ...

My life is so unfair.

Love,
Tara

"Bravery isn't the absence of fear..."

Tuesday, November 10, 2009
2:21 PM "…but the will to overcome it.”

I feel like I’ve been bursting to write lately, but I couldn’t figure out about what. Today I had the day off from… everything, so I decided to seek out some inspiration. There are only two movies in the world that move me profoundly every single time I watch them – “Magnolia” and “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.” I decided to watch “Eternal” while I was folding laundry. This was unusual because I don’t like to watch movies alone. I get emotional (*gasp*) and there’s something less pathetic to me about crying into someone’s shoulder than sitting alone in your family room, surrounded by piles of laundry, using your dad’s old sock to dab your eyes…

Look at it out here
It’s all falling apart
I’m erasing you and I’m happy
By morning you’ll be gone

Some of the best lines in the movie…could that not be poetry?? I’ve memorized so many lines from the movie I found myself mouthing the words. Then, of course, there’s the poem from which the film got its title, Alexander Pope’s ‘Eloisa to Abelard’:

How happy is the blameless vestal’s lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray’r accepted, and each wish resign’d…

I used to love the film for its message about fate, but today it made me think about fear. I decided a year and a half ago (I remember the exact day) that I didn’t want to live my life not doing things out of fear. I vowed that if I really wanted to do something, I wasn’t going to let my fear of what might happen hold me back. Fear of pain, fear of disappointment, fear of failure, fear of heartbreak… I think too often in life we don’t take chances because we fear unpleasant outcomes. But I’ve found, in my life, it’s when I push past the fear that the next great thing happens. Now, these great things don’t always happen - there are often those unpleasant outcomes - but I’ve only ever gotten to the next great thing by getting past fear.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not an enlightened expert. In fact, I fight it the whole way. When I decided I wanted to try to be the commencement speaker, I complained to anyone who would listen. Stephanie can tell you how I called her at 10 pm the night before the speech was due to bitch to her about how I hadn’t written a single word and this was stupid and why do I even care and why am I even doing this. But the bitching and complaining was really just a mask for fear because what I really was saying was, “I’m afraid to do this because what if I try hard at something I care about and I fail?”

Another example is that job in NYC I’ve talked about. My initial reaction when I found out that such a job existed was…anger! It sounds crazy, but I was mad when I read the job description. And it’s because I immediately knew I wasn’t going to be happy or able to live with myself if I didn’t try to get it. Of course, I would want the job that 7,000 people apply for each year and only 70 actually get. I was mad at myself because, the odds were, I wasn’t going to get it. I was making an emotional investment that probably wouldn’t pay out.

But it did “pay out.”

I don’t like to go too in depth about my personal life on my blog (I would never get another date), so I’m going to skip the examples (did you hear that? It was a collective sigh of relief from all my ex-boyfriends), but it applies here too. In fact, it especially applies here. I actually have come to like that feeling of paralyzing fear while talking to a guy I really like (you know, where you can’t catch your breath and your hands get all shaky?), because my most significant, meaningful relationships have happened when I was so scared of what might happen, and I did it anyway.

The last lines of the movie are probably etched into my brain somewhere, I love them so much:

Joel: I can’t see anything that I don’t like about you.

Clementine: But you will! But you will. You know, you will think of things. And I’ll get bored with you and feel trapped because that’s what happens with me.

Joel: Okay.

Clementine: [pauses] Okay.

I’m not trying to get preachy. It’s just that I remembered today that I’d rather live my life trying things and failing and getting my heart broken and feeling all of those crazy, mixed up emotions and all the while holding on to the hope that maybe this time pushing through the fear will lead to something greater, than live my life in fear of what could go wrong.

I’d rather be brave.

Love,
Tara

"Meant to Be Broken."

Sunday, November 8, 2009
4:03 PM Get ready…

I’m not sure how I feel about rules.

I’ll give you a minute to get over the shock.

Are you okay? Okay. This is shocking because, as most of my friends and family know, I LOVE to make up rules. Coming up with arbitrary rules for myself has become like a hobby (and probably a slight case of OCD). To give you a look into my neurosis, I’ll give you some examples. I do it with everything. Clothes? I have a list of all my clothes for each season that I work through, systematically, so as not to wear the same outfit twice before I have to. On a given day I simply cross reference the temperature and occasion to find out what I’ll be wearing. Scary? I know. I’m scaring myself a little just writing this. But the thing is, I really do find it helpful to have a list of all my clothes in front of me. I just have a real knack for making helpful things complicated.

Like my To Do list. Now, I know I’ve written about my To Do List before, because it truly is the bane of my existence. But...it’s helpful to have a list of everything I need to do, so I don’t forget. Unfortunately, I’m really good at staring at the list just long enough to become frustrated and overwhelmed at the thought of doing it all. It’s a gift, really.

And relationships? Oooh, relationships. My romantic life is the area of my life in which I often feel the most out of control (I’m emotional, okay?), so I’ve come up with thousands of rules to trick myself into thinking I have some semblance of control. And the fact that I know every line of every episode of “Sex & the City” and just finished reading “He’s Just Not That Into You” doesn’t help. Because they just reinforce the fact that women need to go into relationships with a set of rules… and I’m starting to think that’s unhealthy. Of course, all women should have some nevers. Cheating is always a deal breaker. Lying? Also a deal breaker. Abuse equals a deal breaker and a call to the local police. But those aren’t the rules I, or the writers of SATC and “Not That Into You” are talking about.

For example, there’s an episode of SATC when Charlotte announces that it should take half the time you were dating a guy to get over him. You were dating a guy for a month? You’ve got two weeks to ponder what might have been and *poof* you’re over it. And I love that rule! It seems reasonable, there’s a bit of logic to it… I would do the break up math for every girlfriend who called me crying over her lost love: “Don’t worry about it too much, Sar! You were with him for a year, so it’s just the next six months of your life that are going to suck.”

You see, the problem I’m finding with rules is that they very rarely apply to any “unique” situation. What if you dated a guy for three years? Does that mean it’s going to take the next year and a half to move on with your life? Is this what we’re limited to? Or what if you’re like me and you like to make the same mistake, er, date the same guy over and over and over again? If it was on and off for five years, does that mean I should have expected two and a half years of misery? Or do I subtract the months we weren’t together? Or do I only count the most recent time we were together? It just doesn’t work.

Another rule I loved was the, “Don’t talk to the guy after he’s broken up with you” rule. I swore by it. He doesn’t want to be with you, but he still wants to talk to you? No way. He chose for it to be this way, so let him miss you. It makes complete sense… until you apply it along with the other rule. If you were with a guy for two years, you break up, and won’t be “over” him for a year, that would mean you can’t speak to him for year. But what if he’s in your group of friends? Are you supposed to ignore him for twelve months? Should you tell your friends that you won’t be addressing him in social settings for the next year, so could you please tell him to move his car, he’s blocking you and you need to get home? It doesn’t work.

I’m not sure what I mean by writing all this out. It’s just something that occurred to me today. I follow all these rules so I can assert some control over my life, but they just end up making things more complicated in the end. Because I’ve never believed that exes could be friends (another rule). And I’m still not entirely convinced that they can. But I realized today it’s awfully nice to have someone to talk to when you’re having a bad day, even if it is breaking a rule.

Love,
Tara

"Like It or Not."

Saturday, November 7, 2009
4:12 PM  You think you're soooo funnyyyy...

Before I write anything else, I want you to read my horoscope for today:

"Dear Tara,

Here is your horoscope for

Saturday, November 7:

Transportation issues are a fairly big deal for you today, though they aren't anywhere near catastrophic. In fact, you may get a deal on a car or find some way to cut time off of your commute."

Done?  Okay, good.  So, this is the horoscope I woke up to this morning.  I woke up at 7:30 (on a Saturday morning...why God, why???) and blindly felt around on my nightstand for my phone, which was blinking with this message.  I set my phone down, laid in bed pondering my life's poor decisions for about an hour, and finally got up and got ready for work.  But when I went to actually leave for work there was a problem...
 
My car was gone.
 
Now, I'm using the term "my car" loosely because, as my parents are soooo quick to point out, it's not mine.  I didn't buy it.  I have no rights to it.  Blah blah blah.  But, nevertheless, it is the car I drive, um, everywhere.  So for the sake of this post, it's my car.
 
Anywhoozle, I was running late as it was (all that pondering my life's poor decisions took a while), so I was unhappy to discover that my parents had let Kaitlyn take "my" car.  Now, we own (and by "we" I mean Kathy and Mike) four cars, so in theory, this shouldn't be an issue.  Kaitlyn took "my" car to the SATs.  That leaves three cars (See?  Who says COM students can't do math?).  Now, it just so happens that Dad was out getting his hair cut.  Okay, two cars.  And it just so happens that Stephanie, who is home this weekend, was out galavanting with her boyfriend (probably, I don't know what she was doing).  So, that leaves us with one car.  Which would be fine... if someone had left me a key to said car.
 
And it was at the moment that I realized I wasn't going to make it to work on time that I also remembered my horoscope for today.  And I couldn't help but look up at the ceiling and shake my head at the Universe.  Because, clearly, someone up there is playing a practical joke on me.
 
So this is for the skeptics, because, to be fair, I was warned.
 
And, really, I was doubly warned because yesterday's horoscope...
 
"Someone close needs to hear how you're doing, and you've got to be brutally honest with them. It's not a question of feelings at this point -- everyone needs to be on the same page, like it or not!"

 ...was painfully accurate too.
 
I'm scared for tomorrow.
 
Love,
Tara

"Truer Words Have Never Been Spoken."

Sunday, November 1, 2009
7:02 PM I’m almost 22 and a half!

Halloween-Oh-Nine was… different. Good different. It was the first Halloween I’ve spent at home in four years, and the experience was not a bad one. No, I didn’t get to dress up as a sexy flapper (see below) and party with all of my friends, but I did get to have some quality suburban fam time, and I didn’t wake up this morning cursing tequila. (My friends need not comment here about last year’s drunken debauchery…I remember it all too well, thanks.)

Halloween officially started for me on Friday, when my parents, Kaitlyn, and I all attended Rebecca and Stephen’s Halloween party. We went as the cast of 30 Rock with Mom as Liz Lemon, Kaitlyn as Dr. Spaceman, and Dad as an uncanny Grizz. I was a page (Get it? Do you get it???). We all had a good time, and Kaitlyn and I spent most of the party watching “The Dark Knight” and musing over its cinematic genius. We bailed, however, when “The Exorcist” came on. I just don’t do scary movies.

Saturday was spent at the toy store. I got lots of compliments on my neon orange nails (painted just for the occasion), and I spent most of my time there helping customers find last minute costume props. The highlight was when I found a red light saber and made this guy’s day. I offered to show him some of my Jedi moves, but he didn’t seem interested.

The evening was spent handing out candy to little children. I learned A LOT. First of all, did you know you have to count out how much candy you have ahead of time, so you don’t run out? I never would have thought of that. Also, you have to put a limit on how much candy kids can take. Also, all ten-year-olds are brats. Actual conversation:

A group of boys comes to the door. Two have on masks, one is dressed as a skater.

Boys (mumbling): Trick or treat.

Tara: Happy Halloween! You guys can each take two.

Boys almost knock bowls out of Tara’s hands as they grab for the candy.

Tara: I like your scary costumes.

Skater boy: (looking at Tara with disgust) Mine’s not scary.

Tara (evenly): Oh, that’s not a mask you’re wearing?

Ten-year-olds are just no match for my wit.

But most of the kids were adorable. Especially the little five year olds who want to tell you all about their costumes. I recognized a lot of kids who I used to babysit for… and it was crazy to see how grown up they were! One little girl dressed as a cheerleader came to the door and asked for a band-aid because she had tripped on our steps. I ran upstairs to grab her one and smashed my knee into a door in the process (I’m crippled now, by the way). When I was kneeling to put the band-aid on her, I found out she was a girl I used to babysit for…when she was literally an infant. I was shocked! I started gushing about how I used to babysit for her all the time when she was just a baby and she just looked at me blankly. I wanted to grab her and yell, YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND! WE BONDED! I USED TO STAY UP ALL NIGHT WITH YOU WHEN YOU WOULDN’T SLEEP! YOU WOULD ONLY STOP CRYING WHEN I HELD YOU! I USED TO SING TO YOU FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! But now that little baby is a cheerleader with a bruised knee who just wants some candy. It was a little heartbreaking.

Aside from that, it was a happy Halloween. I spent the rest of the night watching “I Love You, Man” with Mom and painting my nails navy blue. I was a little sad about not getting to dress up though, and decided next year I’m going to go as one of the creatures from one of my favorite (kind of scary?) music videos of all time. Maybe the one coming out of the toilet? Warning: There’s some language. (Read: Grandma? Meme? Ang? Cover your ears.)




But for now I’m just me. At home. Playing with my new webcam. Maybe I’m so vain…

Navy nails and a new ring!

Love,
Tara

P.S. Oh, the title of the post? That was my response to my sister, Stephanie, during a text convo after she wrote, “Maybe free tampons are not to be trusted…” Now that’s one scary story I’ll spare you :)

"Faith Is A Funny Thing"

Tuesday, October 20, 2009
10:31 pm  My room is a mess.

So, the past few nights have been spent studying, writing, and rehearsing in preparation for Friday’s interview. While I feel moderately stressed, I haven’t been hit with a bout of heart burn yet, and today I only chipped the nail polish off of ONE nail. Do you understand how huge that is? This weekend I painted my nails and proceeded to ruin the whole thing in less than 24 hours. Both my mother and father came to visit me in my room (where I’ve been permanently stationed, on my bed, laptop in lap, glasses on, hair in complete disarray, surrounded by papers, talking to myself) and asked me what the “black stuff” was on the floor next to my bed. In response I rolled my eyes, sighed, and eventually answered, “That’s yesterday’s manicure.” Shouldn’t they know this by now?

Anyway, the point is, I’ve calmed down since this weekend. That’s not to say the crazy won’t come back, but I think I’ve been more relaxed 1.) Because I’ve been on about 25 interviews since I graduated, so I kind of know the drill, and 2.) Because of some advice my wise friend, Eliz, gave me. The other day on GChat, when I was whining to her about my stressful life, she told me that every time I want to think “I’m nervous!” when I think of the impending interview, I should change it to, “I’m excited!” She said it’s all adrenaline… it’s just about how you channel it.

Well, when I heard that, it was like a weight was lifted and the clouds broke and angels started singing. I don’t know how I managed to trick myself, but it’s working. I’m pretty freaking excited.

I also think I’m excited and not freaking out (yet) for another reason. I’ve already done 27 blog posts about how eye-opening being jobless and living at home has been, so I’m not going to go into all that again. But one of the most important things I’ve learned is this: When you decide your happiness is dependent on only one thing, it is a sure way to end up unhappy. While it’d be nice to get the dream job, it certainly doesn’t define me. And I know it won’t be the thing in my life that will always bring me happiness.

I used to not want to get my hopes up over anything. After being rejected from so many jobs, eventually you don’t even get excited anymore. You turn kind of cynical and angry. Or I do, at least.  But I think you have to fight that and learn to celebrate life’s tiny triumphs. Yeah, you didn’t get the job in the end, but you can celebrate the way you felt after you had that awesome interview. And maybe you miss your friends, but how funny was it when your mom was singing and dancing in the kitchen the other night? The text that made you smile, the cute kid in the toy store, the crazy ladies at Bingo…These are the little things that keep you going. I think maybe that’s what life’s all about.

So, I’m leaving you with another Grey’s Anatomy quote… I’m actually the worst fan ever: I haven’t watched a single episode this season. Nevertheless, I take comfort in their quotes:

“At the end of the day faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don't really expect it. It's like one day you realize that the fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamed. The castle, well, it may not be a castle. And it's not so important, happy ever after, just that it’s happy right now. See, once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you. And once in a while, people may even take your breath away.”

Love,
Tara

"Damn You, Snuggies!"

Sunday, October 18, 2009
9:08 pm  Down with Snuggies!

Those of you who have been following my blog posts since "Hot Child in The City" (*cough*Grandma*cough*), know how much I hate Snuggies.  If you don't know the story, I suggest you get up to speed by reading about all the drama here because I AM SO ANGRY they still exist.  And not only do they still exist, but you can buy them for like $14.99 at CVS.  First of all, it's a blanket with sleeves...I mean, seriously people.  This is what you're excited about?  If you want that warm, sleevy feeling all you have to do is put on your bathrobe backwards.  You don't have to support an evil corporation.  Secondly, the commercial literally makes me want to gauge my eyes out.  The acting in it is laughable to the point of anger because I can't believe they actually think people will fall for it.  BUT FALL FOR IT THEY DO!  Because apparently Snuggies are one of the hottest items for this Christmas.

So, I am officially adding "Snuggies" to my "dislike" list on Facebook.  That's right.  I just went there.  The list now reads:

"I don't like: Uggs, black licorice, dishonesty, spiders, The Usual Suspects (sorry), ice skating, negative energy, my alarm clock, cigarettes, scary movies, blood, big waves, stalkers, cockroaches, Snuggies."

Every time the commercial comes on in my house, I shake my fist at the screen and yell, "Damn you, Snuggies!" and my family laughs.  But it's not funny.

I really hate them.



Love,
Tara

"The Backs of My Eyelids"

Saturday, October 17, 2009
5:19 PM  Mmm... apples.

Conversations with My Mother

It's early on a Saturday morning in autumn.  Tara is sleeping peacefully in her bed, dreaming of apple fritters and the new boots she wants to buy.  She has to wake up in just an hour in order to get ready for a day at the toy store.  She never gets a day off, and she hardly ever sleeps.  But I digress...

(Knock, knock, knock)

(Tara wakes with a start to a loud rapping on the door and watches, through blurry eyes, as the door swings open and her mother walks in.)

Mom:  Hi sweetie!  Do you have 10 dollars I could borrow?

(Tara looks around, confused.)

Tara:  Uh, yeah.  In my purse.

(Tara's mother starts to look around the room for Tara's purse.  Tara closes her eyes, trying not to let this episode keep her from getting back to her much needed sleep).

Tara: (sighs)  My purse is downstairs.

Mom:  Okay.  Also, have you seen my glasses?

(Tara is now wide awake...mostly because of the ridiculousness of the situation.)

Tara:  No, Mom.  I've been trying to see the backs of my eyelids.

Mom:  What?

Tara: Nothing.

Love,
Tara

"Real Reason"

Monday, October 12, 2009
8: 21 pm Two posts in one day?!?

I know. I’m feeling chatty. And there are about a thousand other things I should be doing, so naturally, I’m blogging. I found out a couple hours ago that I got a final interview for this job I really want. And when I found out, I didn’t jump up and down or scream and yell, as I’d always imagined I would do when I got the news. Instead, I kind of sat there, stunned. And then eventually I made my way downstairs and told the rest of my family. And they all kind of did a mini- jump up and down and scream and yell, and I just stood there. Clearly, my response is not the normal one here, so I ask you this…

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME THAT I CAN’T JUST BE HAPPY WHEN I FINALLY GET WHAT I WANT!??!?!?

Part of me thinks I just don’t want to get my hopes up, after being this close to getting so many jobs before, and then not actually getting them in the end. But I think it’s more than that. I think that even though I cry and complain about not being able to get a full-time job, the truth is as long as I don’t have a job… I’m safe. I live at home with my family and not much is expected of me. It’s almost as if I haven’t started my “real life” yet. If I get a job and move out I have to start my real life. I have to do all those things I always said I would do with my life. At home, my life is in limbo. Out there, it’s game on.

Anyway, I’ve resigned myself to the fact that I’m going to feel like an over-tired little kid until the interview – my adrenaline is rushing and my nerves are shot. An excellent example of what this means happened just an hour ago. I think I’ve mentioned before that I cry every time I see a preview for “Where The Wild Things Are.” Now, this alone isn’t especially different for me - I cry at McDonald’s commercials with surprising frequency. Anyway, I really like the song in the preview (“Wake Up” by The Arcade Fire), so I downloaded it to my Ipod to listen to while I was showering.

BAD CALL.

I started crying hysterically in the shower. I don’t know what it is about that song and that movie and my life, but I had a total melt down. I think maybe because the song and the movie are about growing up and losing your childhood innocence, but also maybe still retaining some of it. Which I can relate to. I don’t know. In other news, I’m crazy.

Sometimes when I lose perspective on my life, I try to think about what my 7-year-old self would say. I honestly think maybe I had everything figured out at the age of 7, and I’ve just spent the last 15 years getting confused. Anyway, if I could ask my 7-year-old self what I could do to be happiest right now, I think she would hit me over the head with a Barbie doll and ask me when I started doubting everything and why I ever stopped playing with my sisters and dreaming of becoming a movie star and marrying a prince. There isn’t room for doubt when it comes to living the life you have imagined.

And since everything in my life is connected to everything else, I can’t help but think of one of my favorite Storypeople quotes, which I think might actually be the secret of life:

there are things you do because they feel right & they may make no sense & they may make no money & it my be the real reason we are here: to love each other & to eat each other’s cooking & say it was good.

I think maybe I’ve been making this way harder than it needs to be.

Love,
Tara

"Put That In Your Blog And Post It"

Monday, October 12, 2009
2:01 pm  Buzzing from my Boston fix.

This past weekend I had the pleasure of spending time with my sisters in Boston.  As is customary, Kathy and Mike had gone away on their annual anniversary trip on Wednesday, leaving Kaitlyn and I home alone to fend for ourselves.  By Saturday, Kaitlyn and I were more than ready to pack up and ship up to Boston.  I was a little afraid that being in Boston for the weekend would make me nostalgic for my college days, but being with my darling sisters kept me pretty distracted for the whole trip.  It was a little touch and go when we walked through Boston Common, but I resisted the urge to throw myself into the Frog Pond.  It's only like 5 inches of water.  And that would have been gross.

Saturday night was spent in and around the North End.  Even though Stephanie and I have spent a combined 6 and a half years at school in Boston, we still haven't managed to show Kaitlyn everything yet.  I like to show her important Boston landmarks when I can, so I made sure to show her my favorite apartment buildings and the hotel where I want to have my wedding reception. 

Needless to say, the weekend was filled with sisterly bonding and laughing and fighting and talking over each other.  Which is exactly what I needed.  Being at home, it's easy to fall into a monotonous daily routine.  Taking little trips to be with people I love makes a world of difference.  It gives me energy.

Anyway, now that I've been all sweet and nice, I have to tell you the funniest moment of the trip.  Kaitlyn, who is a senior in high school, loves it when she sees groups touring college campuses because she likes to pretend she's a "real" college student....

Tara, Stephanie, and Kaitlyn are walking through Northeastern's campus, looking stunning in the morning light.  Like Charlie's Angels, but better.  And more modern.

Kaitlyn: Who are all those people?

Stephanie: A tour.

Kaitlyn (eyes wide and grinning): Do you think they think I go here?

Before Tara can even get in a complete eye-roll, Kaitlyn trips in a pot hole and spills her coffee all over herself.

Tara: No.

Okay, maybe you had to be there.  Just trust me.  It was hilarious.

Love,
Tara

"A Girl Can Dream..."

Wednesday, October 7, 2009
9:24 pm  Le sigh.

How I’d Like the Next 15 Years of My Life to Progress (In Case I Get Any Input...Which I Haven't Lately, Just So You Know)


1.) Get hired to work full-time at a magazine.

2.) Move out of parents’ house and closer to magazine.

3.) Meet amazing new people, enjoy early 20s.

4.) One day, meet incredibly good-looking, smart, funny, athletic guy who happens to be incredibly wealthy. (Sooner rather than later? K thanks.)

5.) Career takes off. Continue working my way up in magazines while working on best-selling novel.

6.) Fall in love and get engaged to the good-looking, smart, funny, athletic, wealthy guy who’s totally in love with me when I’m 25-27 years old.

7.) Have kick-ass wedding. And honeymoon.

8.) Novel becomes best-seller.

9.) Become editor of magazine.

10.) Pop out 3-4 kids by the age of 33. (2 boys, 2 girls)

11.) Raise kids to be bilingual (English and Spanish).

12.) Quit magazine career to continue writing books.

13.) Start a new list.

Of course, now that I’ve written it down, my actual future will probably not even be close to this. But I figure if I don’t know what I want, I’m never going to get it. And hey, a girl can dream…

...right??

Love,
Tara

"The One, Big Important Thing That Would Validate Everything Else"

Monday, October 5, 2009
9:01 pm  Happy Anniversary Mom & Dad!

Five Posts I Love From Five Blogs I Read That You Should Probably Read Too

(Most of which are written by my talented friends...)

1.) “ i was tired of thinking that i — and the life i was creating for myself — wasn’t enough, and that i lacked the one, big important thing that would somehow validate everything else. wendy atterberry, thefrisky.com http://www.thefrisky.com/post/246-obsessing-over-finding-love-wont-make-it-happen-faster/

Reblogged on Notes, Quotes & Anecdotes of a Year Fast Passing

2.) "A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Soccer Practice"

Quick exchange between some of my players and me this afternoon:

Player 1: Hey, what do you do for a job?

-I freeze, somewhat embarrassed.

-Player 1 turns to Player 2.

Player 1: See I told you.

Player 2: But I thought he went to BU.

Player 1: He did, idiot!

Player 2: Then why doesn’t he have a job?

Player 3 (from out of nowhere, defending me valiantly): The economy is really bad right now.

High schoolers get it.

From Dear World, Please Give Me A Job


3.) "You Can Count on My Love"


A shout out to all my friends, especially those who are 2,500 miles away. From Winnie the Pooh of all places.

"If ever there is a tomorrow when we're not together, there is something you must always remember: you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think, but the most important thing is, even if we're apart, I'll always be with you." -Winnie the Pooh

From Pop Culture, Politics and Everything In Between


4.) "Awkward Moose"

Because my life, and the United States of America, is completely out of debt and has no money issues at all….I’ve been going on a few interviews for jobs. And it seems that each interviewer is reading from a Dummies Guide to Interviewing list of questions. I don’t even think they really listen to your answers. I believe that they are just thinking about when they get to leave for the day- or if they’re like me they’ve had the Hamster Dance stuck in their head since 7th grade.


Anywhoozle, when I was in one of these interviews, I had a little bit of a John Nash-Beautiful Mind-Moment, in which I heard this voice in my head answering the questions for me.

Here are a few that came to mind:

(Them): If you could describe yourself in one word, what would it be?

(Me): Bendy.


(Them): What would you say your one weakness is?

(Me): Dairy Products


(Them): What are your strengths?

(Me): Deep- knee bends


(Them): What is your ideal job?

(Me): Hamburglar.
 
From Honestly?


5.)

From Post Secret
 
 
Love,
Tara

"The Meaning of the Word"

Monday, September 28, 2009
8:43 pm I bought it.

Conversations with My Father

It's a bright Sunday morning. Stephanie is sitting at the kitchen table, probably clipping coupons. Dad is also seated at the kitchen table, in front of the laptop. An Excel spreadsheet with the family budget is on the screen. Tara floats down the stairs, looking radiant, as per usual.

Dad: Tara, did you buy clothes yesterday?

Tara: Why yes, Father, I did.

Dad: With whose money?

Tara: Mine! I'm an independent woman, Dad.

(Tara and Stephanie throw their hands in the air at the same time and proceed to sing and dance around the kitchen to the Destiny's Child hit, "Independent Woman Part I")

Dad: Remind me to have a conversation with you about the meaning of the word "independent."


Love,
Tara

All the women who independent, throw your hands up at me...

"My Best Friend"

Saturday, September 26, 2009

12:52 am Happy Birthday, Mom!

In honor of my mother’s birthday, I wanted to write a post about the top memories I have with her. But I’m finding it difficult. Not because I don’t have special, significant memories involving me and my mom…but because most of the ones that stick out in my mind are so personal. The relationship between a mother and daughter is filled with inside jokes and life-changing events and awkward moments. I mean, I could tell you about the first time I got my period and how my mom sat me down and explained… but that would be inappropriate. This is a blog, not a diary. Let’s try to have some boundaries.

I mean, of course I have some normal memories. As a treat when we were little, sometimes Mom would take us to Wickham Park for a picnic. We would drive through McDonald’s to get our Happy Meals (we had to eat our chicken nuggets before we could drink our shakes), and then we would go to our “secret spot” which was under this giant tree that we were sure no one else knew about. Then we would lie on our blanket and throw French fries at the squirrels and guess how many rings were in the trunk of the tree. I want to do that with my kids.

Very little has changed about the way I felt about my mom as a little girl and how I feel now. When I was little and we were living in Manchester when Mom worked nights, I would sneak out of bed to stand by the window and wait for her car to pull in the driveway. I always felt better when she was around. Now that I’m 22, I still wait around for her to come home! If she calls to say she’s on her way home, I find myself hanging around downstairs, checking the clock!

What really amazes me is how much I’ve become like this woman that I’ve grown up wanting to be. Not only am I now constantly cold, but I have inherited her “acid tongue.” I’m still trying to get to her level, because man, as soon as you zing her, she’s got another one coming right back. And the other day, she was dancing and singing around the house, and just when I was thinking about what a nut she is I realized… I DO IT TOO. I also crack up at my own jokes, predict the endings to television shows within the first five minutes, and blow kisses to other drivers who piss me off… AND SO DOES SHE.

One of the things I appreciate the most about my mom is that she always knows what to say. You may not want to hear it, and she knows this, so she’ll preface it by saying, “Well, do you want me to tell you what I think?” And you brace yourself and say yes and she tells you and SUDDENLY EVERYTHING IS SO MUCH CLEARER. She has a knack for seeing a situation as it really is – not as the crazy, overanalyzed problem that I tend to make it. And she’s so COOL about things. For example, I remember calling her during Senior Week to tell her I had kissed a guy the night before. I had kind of been kicking myself for it, until she said, “Well, do you like him or is he just someone you needed to kiss before you graduated?” HE WAS JUST SOMEONE I NEEDED TO KISS BEFORE I GRADUATED! I nearly shouted, relieved that someone could understand me better than I understood myself. I mean, what mother is THAT COOL?!?!

Living at home these past few months has given me the rare opportunity to get closer to the family members I kind of left behind when I went to college. My relationship with my mom has always been a strong one – I’ve always been able to tell her anything. And even though I used to roll my eyes when she would make me text her after I got back to my dorm after a night of drunken debauchery or now when she comes in my room every morning to kiss me goodbye, I know I’m lucky to have a mother who loves me so much. It was only recently that I realized how truly lucky I am. Because she’s not only my mother. She’s my best friend.

Happy Birthday, Mom!

Love,
Tara

"Where were you?"

Tuesday, September 22, 2009
9:24 pm Ugh.

At the risk of being criticized by my fellow journalists, I have something to say: The news is depressing. I used to look down on people who said they never watched the news because, "It's just so sad," but lately I've found I have to agree. For example, today I came home from job number two (the toy store) and signed on to AOL to check the first of my fifteen email accounts. The first thing I see on my AOL home page is the headline, "Five Slain in Home, Toddler Survives." I'm still processing this when I see the next headline, "Missing Student's Remains Found, Mom Speaks Out." I click this headline first and proceed to read about how a 19-year-old girl was abducted by knife-point in Oregon five years ago while she was cleaning light fixtures outside an apartment building her sister managed. She was then bound, raped, and bludgeoned to death. The monster who did this finally led police to where he hid her body today. At the bottom of the story there's a link to read more about "Missing Women Cases" with a photograph of Annie Le, the student who was recently murdered at Yale.

What.

The.

F***.

I just sat there, bombarded by these awful, horrific stories that are true, that actually happened to real, good, innocent people, and I just can't help but feel overwhelmed and sad and sick to my stomach. What is wrong with the world that these things happen every single day?

Now, I know there are people who will say, "Well, at least the toddler survived," and "At least they found the body," and "At least they arrested the killer," and I wish I could look at things that way, but I have a hard time seeing how these things balance out. And at the risk of getting all deep and philosophical, I'm going to get a little deep and philosophical because every time I read one of these stories, I can't help but think: Where was God then?

And I know that's probably the wrong question to be asking, but it's what I'd really like to know.

Love,
Tara

"I Guess It's Half Timing, And The Other Half's Luck"

Wednesday, September 9, 2009
1:29 pm Fam Room

Sooo I should probably be doing some work from home right now, but I took a little break to blog. What can I say? Procrastination is my middle name.

Anyway, things at home have been really good lately. After getting the news that I didn't get my dream job on Friday I thought I would never be happy again, but I'm actually in a great mood. (Over-dramatic is my other middle name.) I've finally accepted that I'm going to be at home for a little while longer, and it feels kind of nice not to fight it. I figure I might as well make the best of it.

I've started my part-time job in Westport, and I absolutely love it. I'm learning a lot about web stuff, and they're letting me write a blog for them! I'm getting PAID to BLOG! Hello, new dream job. I really love working there, and since the drive is so long, they let me do 10 hours a week from home. So that's a total of 20 hours a week with them, and around 15 a week with the toystore. I've been busy! It's nice to be making money...

The only thing that's hard about being home is that most of my friends aren't around. But, a lot of my friends from college are in the same situation I am, so we call each other to commiserate as much as possible. In order to keep my social life alive and well (and to keep me from throwing myself in front of a bus), I have started planning monthly trips to visit my friends. September and October are already planned, with my first trip being to Lowell, MA to visit Eliz. I can't wait! In the meantime, Steph and Andrea are home, and I always have the Bingo ladies :)

I started reading a new book called, "One Moment Meditation: Stillness for People on the Go" by Martin Boronson. I'm not very far, but I already really like it. The other night I was reading it when this passage really struck me:

"On a deeper level, if our sense of contentment is dependent on circumstance, then it is vulnerable to a change of circumstances. If we are only content because life is going well, we will not be content when life is going badly. That's just not a very stable or deep kind of contentment. True contentment transcends the 'ups and downs' of life. It embraces life as it is now, with all of its imperfections. In other words, the only way to be really peaceful is to be fully content with what's happening now - even if, sometimes, it isn't peaceful." (xix)

I mean... RIGHT?!?! So that's what I'm working on: being content with my current circumstance.

A few weeks ago, Mom, Dad, Steph, Kaitlyn and I all went tubing down the Farmington River. It was a little cold and cloudy out, and I was nervous about the "rapids" people kept mentioning. So, naturally, I hadn't been in the water more than 5 minutes before I realized I was headed straight for these low-hanging branches by the side of the river. I started kind of flailing my arms and legs in an attempt to steer away from the branches, but it only brought me closer. Mom and Dad tried to "help" by yelling useful things like, "Kick your feet!" and "Don't go toward the branches!" I was doomed. Minutes later I emerged from the branches, bruised and covered in leaves and twigs.

As we were floating along later, Dad suggested that maybe getting stuck in the branches was a metaphor for how I treat situations in my life: I fight them instead of flowing with them. I countered that getting stuck in the branches was definitely a metaphor for my life in that my parents like to yell unhelpful suggestions from the side every time I get into trouble, but he did have a point. So now I'm trying to flow instead of fight.

And the flowing has been pretty rewarding so far. The other night before bed, Kaitlyn came into my room and told me that she was sorry I was sad I didn't get the job I wanted, but that she was glad to have me home with her.

It made me that much more content to keep going with the flow.

Love,
Tara

New Theme Song:

"It's Not You, It's Me."

Saturday, September 5, 2009
11:30 pm :'(

Interviewing and dating are two things I’ve been doing a lot of this summer. And now I have a theory that they are essentially the same thing. Allow me to explain…

Firstly, the joy you feel when you get asked to come in for an interview is the same as when a cute guy asks you out: You get the call from an unknown number. You answer, using your most mature, relaxed-but-not-too-relaxed voice. You arrange a time to meet, and hang up. Then you yell “YES!” and proceed to jump and twirl about the room because MAYBE THIS IS THE ONE!

To prepare for your date/interview, you plan out your outfit days in advance and practice what you’re going to talk about. You start to fantasize about what your life will be like together. You can already see how happy you’re going to be together.

Your interview is like the first date. You sit awkwardly, smiling stiffly and trying to remember all of the things you had written down to talk about. You try to read their body language. You try not to talk too much. You tell them what they want to hear.

Just like there are the guys you date because you have a parent or relative or friend who knows them, there are the interviews you go on because you have a parent or relative or friend who knows them. “Informational” interviews are the equivalent of the guys you’d really like to date, but who already have girlfriends. They’ll humor you for a while, but in the end, they just don’t have a place for you in their lives. There are jobs and guys who like you more than you like them. There are jobs and guys who you like more than they like you. Like most dates, most interviews end with someone promising to call someone sometime. And just like after most dates, after most interviews I immediately whip out my cell phone to tell my friends and family all about it.

And just like most dates, when you have a really good interview, you can’t help but get your hopes up. To explain the brokenheartedness I am dealing with right now over not getting a job I wanted, I will use the following metaphor. Let’s call the potential job in this case, Ollie.

Tara & Ollie: A Brief But Tragic Romance

I was really surprised when Ollie contacted me. I didn’t know Ollie. In fact, I had never even heard of him, but Ollie had gotten my number from a friend of his who I’d met but already had a girlfriend, and he asked me out. I was thrilled! Ollie sounded so great. He seemed like everything I could have wanted in a guy.

Ollie and I met in the city for our first date. I was really nervous going into it, but I shouldn’t have been. Ollie and I had an instant connection. He even told me I was everything he was looking for. We talked and laughed and at the end of our date, he said he had some work to take care of, but that he’d call me in a few weeks.

When I got home, I had an email from Ollie saying how great the date was. Naturally, I started dreaming of what my life would be like with Ollie. I even started to look for apartments so I could be closer to him. We were going to be so happy together.

Then my dreams came to a crashing halt on Friday when Ollie contacted me to tell me that he loved me, but he just couldn’t commit. There wasn’t anyone else, but he had come to the realization that there was too much going on in his life right now (he had some financial troubles), and he couldn’t commit to me, or anyone, until he sorted his problems out. He wanted me to know that it wasn’t me - I was great - it was just the timing.

Ollie broke my heart. I cried and cried. “I THOUGHT HE WAS THE ONE!” I wailed. “HE WAS SO PERFECT! I’LL NEVER FIND ANYONE LIKE HIM!” My friends and family tried to console me, but the visions I was having of being single in Gbury for the rest of my life were just too powerful. So, I ate a cannoli and cried myself to sleep.

The next day (today), I woke up feeling better, but then I remembered that Ollie didn’t want me, and I became depressed again. To get over my broken heart, I plan on staying busy and hitting the dating scene again ASAP. In the mean time, I’ll hope that Ollie has a cute friend he can pass my number along to.

But I can’t help but notice the likeness between the problem with my working life and the problem with my romantic life…

I JUST NEED SOMEONE WHO CAN COMMIT.

Love,
Tara

"What Is It You Really Like To Do?"

Friday, August 21, 2009
10:38 pm Hmmm...

I just saw 'Julie & Julia' tonight with my family, and I (along with every other reviewer ever) loved it. I've never disliked a movie that had Meryl Streep in it, and I thought Amy Adams was fantastic as Julie Powell, a sort of pathetic, messed up woman who needs a project to cling to.

While I wouldn't exactly call myself a pathetic, messed up woman who needs a project to cling to, I was rather inspired by the idea of blogging with a purpose. Obviously, I've found some purpose in blogging about myself (I've been doing it for a year and a half), but I would like to challenge myself a little more. When I was abroad, I was faced with challenges I could write about every day. Today, my biggest challenge is surviving as a post-grad, and while that is certainly challenging sometimes, it's boring me. And probably you. Whoever you are...

The problem is, I wouldn't know what kind of challenge to take on. It would have to involve something I love to do, the way Julie Powell loved to cook. She used cooking as a way to escape from her mundane life, so even though she wasn't a skilled cook, the challenge came naturally to her. I use blogging as a way to escape my mundane life...and I can't really blog about blogging.

My other interests? Oh, I don't know... I like to read? I could review books I suppose, but the thought of that causes an involuntary eye roll. You should see it. I'm actually rolling my eyes at the computer screen right now. Some part of my brain just said, "Ugh. No, Tara," and my eyes rolled totally on their own. Happens all the time.

I like to...cook? No. Eat? Yes, but not so much I want to talk about it. I like to...dance? Work out? Again, yes, but who wants to talk about that? Paint my nails? Do my hair? Chew gum? Ugh, I'm getting a headache from all the involuntary eye rolling.

I guess I'll have to give it some more thought. I'd ask for suggestions, but that scares me. I can just see the emails pouring in now... Remember, the key to doing this challenge, whatever it is, is that it has to be something I want to do.

I hope there is something I want to do.

Love,
Tara

"What a Difference A Day Makes"

Wednesday, August 19, 2009
11:31 pm Bed.

Yesterday was quite possibly the best day of my life. And it was so unexpected! In fact, it reminds me of a Grey's Anatomy quote (anyone surprised? anyone?) that I mentioned in an earlier post here. You don't wake up in the morning and think, "Wow, I'm about to have one of the best days of my life." I certainly didn't yesterday morning...

I woke up at 5:20 yesterday morning (read: BEFORE dawn) to get ready to go to NYC for my THIRD interview at the Rock. I'm always a bundle of nerves before big interviews, so, needless to say, I had only gotten a few hours of restless sleep. I had nightmares involving Harry Potter and a doorway and a hair salon I had to redecorate. I won't go into details, but the point is I didn't sleep very well, so I was a groggy sort of jumpy all morning. Like, I would be thinking about how tired I was and then I would remember I had a LIFE-CHANGING interview in a few hours and my heart rate would surge and I'd get all shaky and twitchy. It was really charming and attractive.

Last time I had an interview in NYC, I had to go down by myself, but this time I had my supportive sisters with me, and it really made the whole trip SO much better. We left the house at 7 to drive the 45 minutes to New Haven, where we caught the train to Grand Central. Just having them around to talk to and to take my mind off of things made me feel much more relaxed. It meant a lot that they were willing to sacrifice their day for a whirlwind trip to NYC and back just for me.

We got to NYC with no problems, and I had a really great interview. And I get out of the interview and it's like all the tension that was trembling inside of me just rushes out and I feel SO good. Like, euphoric. And that happens with every interview! I'm so worked up and nervous, especially with an interview like Tuesday's that was of, well, Olympic proportions, and then it goes great and then it's over and everything is okay and suddenly the sky has never been bluer and the people in the street have never seemed nicer and New York City has never smelled better. And then I can see my sisters walking toward me and I can tell they're kind of talking to each other out of the sides of their mouths, saying things like, "What do you think?" "She looks happy right?" "Yeah. She's smiling..." "I hope so." "Otherwise it's going to be a long train ride home..." And I just want to leap in the air and click my heels together but my sisters have almost caught up to me and I'm wearing five-inch heels anyway.

When we got home in the early evening, after grabbing lunch in the city and then catching the train back, I found out I had landed ANOTHER interview for a different job back at the Rock. Because I was no longer in public, I let myself express my delight at the good news by spending approximately thirty seconds kicking and thrashing around on my bed. I didn't have much more time than that, however, because I had to regroup and get ready to go to a party at Andrea's. I spent the rest of the night laughing with my Gbury friends and taking pictures and sucking at beer pong. It was fantastic.

The next morning, I woke up in Andrea's bed to the smell of waffles. Then someone smooshed a waffle into the side of my face, and I realized Mike was lying next to me, trying to force-feed me a waffle. This was his idea of breakfast in bed. When I had screamed and hit him enough times, he gave up trying to shove it in my mouth and instead, shoved it down the back of my shirt before he ran away, giggling like a girl. I started my morning hungover, pissed off, and with a hot, greasy waffle plastered to my back.

It was so great.

I've been going on a lot of evening walks with my dad this summer, and as the sun sets and we stroll through the neighborhood we talk about a variety of different topics. The other night we were talking about happiness. If there is one valuable lesson I have learned by not having my life go the way I had planned for the past few months, it is that when you decide that your happiness is dependent on only one thing, it is a guarantee that you will be unhappy and that you won't get that thing. For a while this summer I let the fact that I didn't have a job affect how happy I was in my life and with myself. I honestly thought less of myself for not having one. I've done it with other things in the past too. Guys, friends, grades... I become so focused on what I should have and what I should be able to do, that I let it affect my opinion of myself. But I've learned that when I can reach a point (and it's not easy) where I can say, "Okay, well, I don't have a job/boyfriend/whatever right now," and be okay with that and realize that maybe things are this way for a reason, that's when I can be truly happy and that's when everything starts to click.

Because the truth is, yesterday wasn't really the best day of my life. Yesterday was just the day that everything clicked.

The best day of my life was a few days before that. Because it was on one those days that I was able to honestly say (job or no job, boyfriend or no boyfriend, college or no college) that I am truly happy with everything in my life just the way it is. And that I am truly happy with myself just the way I am.

What a difference a day makes.

Love,
Tara

"It's Possible!"

Sunday, August 9, 2009
7:52 pm I have show tunes stuck in my head...

The past few days have been nothing short of inspiring. That's really the only word I can use to describe how I feel right now. I feel like I'm buzzing with inspiration. Like anything's possible. Like everything's going to work out. And it's all thanks to my little sister, Cinderella.

For the past four nights, I have watched Kaitlyn play Cinderella in this year's summer show, Rodgers & Hammerstein's "Cinderella." First of all, she was amazing. And I'm not just saying that because she's my sister and I have to. She was seriously AMAZING. Like, after I heard her sing her first song I was covered in goosebumps and my mouth was hanging open and I temporarily lost the ability to blink because I HAD NO IDEA SHE COULD SING LIKE THAT. And then I looked around and saw that the entire audience had the same expression on their faces, and when Kaitlyn stopped singing we all looked at each other like HOLY CRAP THAT WAS THE NICEST SOUND I'VE EVER HEARD I WISH SHE HADN'T STOPPED.

That happened for four straight nights. She rocked it every single night and somehow managed to do better and better with each performance.

But as I watched her on stage each night, it was so hard for me to accept that it was her up there. How was it that the little sister I had watched tv with until noon that very morning (still in our pajamas) was now on stage singing like a rock star and losing glass slippers and kissing a prince??? It didn't seem possible. But there she was: 17 years old and killing it as the lead in the town play. She had a dream, and she made it come true. How cool is that???

Now, as you know, I get emotional over McDonald's commercials, so you can imagine how emotional I was actually watching a play. I laughed, I teared up (though I didn't cry!), I cheered, and I lost my voice a little by screaming like a mad woman when Kaitlyn took her bow each night. And as I watched the play, some of the lines really spoke to me. Like, when Cinderella tells the Fairy Godmother right before the ball, "But nothing in my life has prepared me for a night like this!" and the Fairy Godmother says to her, "And yet everything in your life has led you to this moment," I gasped. Audibly. I mean, leave it to me to relate to a fairy tale but THOSE LINES ARE MY LIFE RIGHT NOW.

I've been telling people I'm planning on having a panic attack at the end of August. I'm not planning on it because I want it to happen... I just feel like it's going to happen. The end of August will come and students will return to their colleges and I will realize I'm not a student anymore and that I can't go back to Boston anymore and that I'm not employed either and I will have a mental breakdown for approximately 48 hours. Maybe more. It's hard to say. But seeing Kaitlyn as Cinderella made me feel better. Like maybe I won't break down. Like maybe I'll want to and that's okay and everything, but sometimes things do work out. And sometimes people get what they've been working toward. And maybe it will take a while, but eventually I'll get there.

After all, Cinderella had to survive like, 20 years with a wicked stepmother and stepsisters, but then one day she walked out and found her prince and lived happily ever after. It happens!

This is sounding a little too much like a 13-year-old girl's diary entry, so I'm going to stop now, but not before I throw in a Grey's Anatomy quote that is JUST SO RELEVANT RIGHT NOW:

"The early bird catches the worm. A stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We can't pretend we haven't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to ‘seize the day.' Still, sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore, until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin meant: That knowing is better than wondering. That waking is better than sleeping. And that even the biggest failure, even the worst, most intractable mistake, beats the hell out of never trying."

Love,
Tara

"Rock On"

Monday, July 27, 2009
9:37 pm Lame.

Today was the first day of my summer babysitting gig, and lemme tell ya... I am not cool. Well, not by 7th and 8th grade standards anyway.

I used to be a cool babysitter. I let all kids stay up late. I let kids with health-obsessed parents eat junk food. I read preschoolers 15 bedtime stories. I even played "Salon" with three little girls I used to babysit for, which involved me sitting still while they covered my face in purple eyeshadow and crushed lipstick into my teeth. I was the coolest babysitter ever. Seriously.

And you want to know why? Because little kids are easy. Sure, you have to deal with the occassional pants-wetting incident and there's a temper tantrum every 30 minutes, but that's nothing. Nothing compared to babysitting middle-schoolers.

Now, I use the term "babysitting" loosely here because I'm really just a personal chauffeur for a 7th grade girl and an 8th grade boy. They're too old to really be babysat, so my job is basically to drive them to their various activities and social engagements. Preferably with my mouth shut it seems, because, based on today's experiences, I have nothing of interest to say to kids that age.

Not convinced? You should have been in the backseat of my car to witness the atrocity that was the forced conversation between a 22-year-old girl and a 13-year-old boy. It went something like this:

T: So, you play in a band?

Boy: Yeah.

T: That's cool.

(awkward pause)

T: What's your band's name?

Boy: We don't have one yet.

T: Oh, well that's not important.

(awkward pause)

T: So, like, what do you play?

Boy: Guitar.

T: Awesome. (pause) I like guitars.

(T fiddles with the knobs for the radio.)

T: So, do you like, use a pick? Or do you... use your fingers?

Boy: I use a pick.

T: That's good. (pause) Cuz I heard your fingers can like, bleed if you don't use a pick. And that would...suck.

(T and Boy arrive at studio for band practice. Boy gets out to unload his gear.)

Lamest Babysitter Ever: (calling out the window, flashing a "rock on" hand symbol) Okay, have fun! Jam out! Rock on! Haha...

(Boy looks at the LBE blankly and walks away.)

Love,
the LBE

"Open to Suggestions"

Sunday, July 26, 2009
7:19 pm Alright, already!

Oooh, you can get your panties out of a bunch now. I'm back.

My mother informed me today that in order to be more successful as a blogger, I should update my blog more frequently and discuss topics that are more universally appealing.

I thought long and hard about this for a minute, and then I realized the most universally appealing topic I know is... ME. So, I'm just going to keep blogging about that, and in the mean time I'll occupy my time with one of the other 16 billion projects that have been suggested to me by everyone I know since I've graduated, from distant cousins I didn't know I had to the random strangers I meet in the street. It's like I graduated and some sort of blast email went out to THE WORLD that read: Oh hey, Tara is graduating without a job so feel free to tell her what she should be doing in the mean time. No idea is too crazy! I mean, seriously, what's she doing, anyway?

YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT I'VE BEEN DOING???

...

Okay, well, last week isn't a good example.

I was on vacation.

So, I was doing...

Nothing. But you get my point.

And "vacation" is a universally appealing topic, so I guess I'm allowed to talk about it.

We arose at the crack of 7 am last Saturday, to pile into our two hybrid cars for the trip down to Stone Harbor, NJ. The van's engine light had come on the day before our annual trek, even though I had pampered it all week by changing the oil and recharging the air conditioner (okay, not personally), so we had to take two cars. I kept Dad awake while he drove the Prius by sharing stories about my life, while Stephanie and Kaitlyn kept Mom entertained in the Escape. I had a grand time calling the Escape every so often to check in until Mom told me I wasn't allowed to call anymore.

Once we were settled into our new house (which was right on the bay) we spent our vacation week going to the beach, shopping, floating in the bay, playing Clue, watching 30 Rock, enjoying each others' company, arguing, separating, and then enjoying each others' company again. It was magical.

On Friday, I had to take a test for a certain job I'm applying for at a network that starts with an N and ends with a C (whose middle initial is B), in a city that starts with a New and ends with a York. I was going to be able to take it online and had been told it would be like a personality test with some "What would you do if...?" questions thrown in.

It was not.

It was hard! In fact, during the test I had flashbacks to just about every math test I ever took in high school when I would look down at the paper and realize, with horror, that I didn't know how to answer any of the problems. I had one hour to complete the eight questions, but it felt like a minute. I was literally shaking when I finally submitted my answers with about thirty seconds to spare.

So, now I'm just trying not to think too much about what I "should" have said. In the end, I think I held my own, so I'll have to just wait and see. As for the rest of this week, it's pretty chock full. I've got 18 hours of babysitting, 13 hours at the store, four hours in Westport (plus the three hour commute), job applications, doing make-up at Kaitlyn's play, bingo, and an entire to-do list to attend to.

But, of course, I'm always open to suggestions.

You know where to find me...

Love,
Tara

"Have A Little Faith In Me"

Sunday, July 12, 2009
4:13 pm Buzzing.

THAT WAS SO MUCH FUN! Seriously. Top notch. Well done. We should really have weddings more often (no pressure, Stephanie). That was really just... fantastic.

Last night was Stephen and Rebecca's wedding, and it was just a BALL. I was in a good mood all week because I was SO looking forward to it, and it definitely did not disappoint. I JUST LOVE LOVE!

Wedding prep for me started on Tuesday night, when Stephanie and I drove over to Stephen and Rebecca's condo to help put together the "Out of Town" bags. I had never heard of this before, but apparently it's customary to put together little goody bags to leave at the hotels of people who have come in from out of town to attend the wedding. Well, Stephanie and I were at the condo for over three hours, only 20 minutes of which was actually spent putting together the bags. We spent most of the time eating and talking with Stephen and Rebecca, which was really nice. We discussed everything from the meaning of true love to the Deadliest Catch. It was a great way to start off the wedding week.

The next event was the rehearsal dinner on Friday. I love any excuse to dress up, drink, and socialize, so I was in heaven. We all went to First and Last in Avon and had a great time. The food was SO good. I still have leftovers in the fridge.

Then, it was the big day. You would have thought I was the one getting married, I was so excited. I spent the day moisturizing, shaving, plucking, buffing, primping, etc, in preparation. The wedding itself was beautiful, set inside a little chapel at Avon Old Farms that looked like it was straight out of a fairy tale. And the weather was perfect! They say, "A wet knot is a tight knot," but no one actually wants pouring rain on their wedding day. For Stephen and Rebecca, the rain held off till the evening when we were all inside partying anyway, so they got the good weather AND the good luck.

I only cried three times the whole night. I started to get choked up when Grandma and Dad were walking down the aisle, because Grandma was already crying, but I didn't actually cry until Rebecca came down the aisle. She just looked so happy and beautiful! The second time I cried was when Dad gave his Best Man's speech. I recorded the whole thing on my camera, so I was struggling to wipe away tears without ruining my make-up and hold my camera up at the same time. I can't show it to you though, because I'm an idiot and accidently deleted it. Fantastic, I know. The third time I cried was watching Grandma and Stephen do their Mother/Son dance. It was just such a special, touching moment.

Now, along with all the crying, there was A LOT of laughter. I knew having my family all together was going to make for some hilarious moments, so I made sure to keep a notepad with me to jot down any memorable quotes. The idea came to me last weekend when Kaitlyn asked me, wide-eyed and in hushed tones, if I would be drinking at the wedding. I said something along the lines of, "Hell yeah!" to which Dad responded, "Tara, don't be 'that' girl at the wedding." I rolled my eyes, but he did, admittedly, have a point. That was the first memorable quote. I've documented the rest below:

9.) "You better come ready to party. I am getting married once and you better enjoy it. End of story." - Stephen via text message, Thursday night.

8.) "I saw Harry Potter naked!" - Grandma, rehearsal dinner.

7.) "I'm driving with just my big toe right now." - Stephanie (i.e. our designated driver), on the way home from the rehearsal dinner.

6.) "They wanted to hook me up with a nut-scratcher." - Kaitlyn, on Stephen and Rebecca trying to hook her up with their neighbor, on the way home from the rehearsal dinner.

5.) "I'm doing it. I'm hungry!" - Me, on taking communion after Stephanie told me not to, during the wedding ceremony.

4.) "I was just dancing with my bad girl." - Leo, after coming off of the dance floor with Grandma, at the reception.

3.) "He was with his peeps!" - Grandma, after we lost and found Dad, at the reception.

2.) "Have you seen my wife?" - Stephen, at the reception.

And last but not least...

1.) "Soooooooooo sorry about work-boot guy last night." Jill via text message this morning, on her (drunkenly?) trying to fix me up last night.

So when's the next one???

Love,
Tara