"Rock On"

Monday, July 27, 2009
9:37 pm Lame.

Today was the first day of my summer babysitting gig, and lemme tell ya... I am not cool. Well, not by 7th and 8th grade standards anyway.

I used to be a cool babysitter. I let all kids stay up late. I let kids with health-obsessed parents eat junk food. I read preschoolers 15 bedtime stories. I even played "Salon" with three little girls I used to babysit for, which involved me sitting still while they covered my face in purple eyeshadow and crushed lipstick into my teeth. I was the coolest babysitter ever. Seriously.

And you want to know why? Because little kids are easy. Sure, you have to deal with the occassional pants-wetting incident and there's a temper tantrum every 30 minutes, but that's nothing. Nothing compared to babysitting middle-schoolers.

Now, I use the term "babysitting" loosely here because I'm really just a personal chauffeur for a 7th grade girl and an 8th grade boy. They're too old to really be babysat, so my job is basically to drive them to their various activities and social engagements. Preferably with my mouth shut it seems, because, based on today's experiences, I have nothing of interest to say to kids that age.

Not convinced? You should have been in the backseat of my car to witness the atrocity that was the forced conversation between a 22-year-old girl and a 13-year-old boy. It went something like this:

T: So, you play in a band?

Boy: Yeah.

T: That's cool.

(awkward pause)

T: What's your band's name?

Boy: We don't have one yet.

T: Oh, well that's not important.

(awkward pause)

T: So, like, what do you play?

Boy: Guitar.

T: Awesome. (pause) I like guitars.

(T fiddles with the knobs for the radio.)

T: So, do you like, use a pick? Or do you... use your fingers?

Boy: I use a pick.

T: That's good. (pause) Cuz I heard your fingers can like, bleed if you don't use a pick. And that would...suck.

(T and Boy arrive at studio for band practice. Boy gets out to unload his gear.)

Lamest Babysitter Ever: (calling out the window, flashing a "rock on" hand symbol) Okay, have fun! Jam out! Rock on! Haha...

(Boy looks at the LBE blankly and walks away.)

Love,
the LBE