Tuesday, October 20, 2009
10:31 pm My room is a mess.
So, the past few nights have been spent studying, writing, and rehearsing in preparation for Friday’s interview. While I feel moderately stressed, I haven’t been hit with a bout of heart burn yet, and today I only chipped the nail polish off of ONE nail. Do you understand how huge that is? This weekend I painted my nails and proceeded to ruin the whole thing in less than 24 hours. Both my mother and father came to visit me in my room (where I’ve been permanently stationed, on my bed, laptop in lap, glasses on, hair in complete disarray, surrounded by papers, talking to myself) and asked me what the “black stuff” was on the floor next to my bed. In response I rolled my eyes, sighed, and eventually answered, “That’s yesterday’s manicure.” Shouldn’t they know this by now?
Anyway, the point is, I’ve calmed down since this weekend. That’s not to say the crazy won’t come back, but I think I’ve been more relaxed 1.) Because I’ve been on about 25 interviews since I graduated, so I kind of know the drill, and 2.) Because of some advice my wise friend, Eliz, gave me. The other day on GChat, when I was whining to her about my stressful life, she told me that every time I want to think “I’m nervous!” when I think of the impending interview, I should change it to, “I’m excited!” She said it’s all adrenaline… it’s just about how you channel it.
Well, when I heard that, it was like a weight was lifted and the clouds broke and angels started singing. I don’t know how I managed to trick myself, but it’s working. I’m pretty freaking excited.
I also think I’m excited and not freaking out (yet) for another reason. I’ve already done 27 blog posts about how eye-opening being jobless and living at home has been, so I’m not going to go into all that again. But one of the most important things I’ve learned is this: When you decide your happiness is dependent on only one thing, it is a sure way to end up unhappy. While it’d be nice to get the dream job, it certainly doesn’t define me. And I know it won’t be the thing in my life that will always bring me happiness.
I used to not want to get my hopes up over anything. After being rejected from so many jobs, eventually you don’t even get excited anymore. You turn kind of cynical and angry. Or I do, at least. But I think you have to fight that and learn to celebrate life’s tiny triumphs. Yeah, you didn’t get the job in the end, but you can celebrate the way you felt after you had that awesome interview. And maybe you miss your friends, but how funny was it when your mom was singing and dancing in the kitchen the other night? The text that made you smile, the cute kid in the toy store, the crazy ladies at Bingo…These are the little things that keep you going. I think maybe that’s what life’s all about.
So, I’m leaving you with another Grey’s Anatomy quote… I’m actually the worst fan ever: I haven’t watched a single episode this season. Nevertheless, I take comfort in their quotes:
“At the end of the day faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don't really expect it. It's like one day you realize that the fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamed. The castle, well, it may not be a castle. And it's not so important, happy ever after, just that it’s happy right now. See, once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you. And once in a while, people may even take your breath away.”
Love,
Tara
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Sunday, October 18, 2009
"Damn You, Snuggies!"
Sunday, October 18, 2009
9:08 pm Down with Snuggies!
Those of you who have been following my blog posts since "Hot Child in The City" (*cough*Grandma*cough*), know how much I hate Snuggies. If you don't know the story, I suggest you get up to speed by reading about all the drama here because I AM SO ANGRY they still exist. And not only do they still exist, but you can buy them for like $14.99 at CVS. First of all, it's a blanket with sleeves...I mean, seriously people. This is what you're excited about? If you want that warm, sleevy feeling all you have to do is put on your bathrobe backwards. You don't have to support an evil corporation. Secondly, the commercial literally makes me want to gauge my eyes out. The acting in it is laughable to the point of anger because I can't believe they actually think people will fall for it. BUT FALL FOR IT THEY DO! Because apparently Snuggies are one of the hottest items for this Christmas.
So, I am officially adding "Snuggies" to my "dislike" list on Facebook. That's right. I just went there. The list now reads:
"I don't like: Uggs, black licorice, dishonesty, spiders, The Usual Suspects (sorry), ice skating, negative energy, my alarm clock, cigarettes, scary movies, blood, big waves, stalkers, cockroaches, Snuggies."
Every time the commercial comes on in my house, I shake my fist at the screen and yell, "Damn you, Snuggies!" and my family laughs. But it's not funny.
I really hate them.
Love,
Tara
9:08 pm Down with Snuggies!
Those of you who have been following my blog posts since "Hot Child in The City" (*cough*Grandma*cough*), know how much I hate Snuggies. If you don't know the story, I suggest you get up to speed by reading about all the drama here because I AM SO ANGRY they still exist. And not only do they still exist, but you can buy them for like $14.99 at CVS. First of all, it's a blanket with sleeves...I mean, seriously people. This is what you're excited about? If you want that warm, sleevy feeling all you have to do is put on your bathrobe backwards. You don't have to support an evil corporation. Secondly, the commercial literally makes me want to gauge my eyes out. The acting in it is laughable to the point of anger because I can't believe they actually think people will fall for it. BUT FALL FOR IT THEY DO! Because apparently Snuggies are one of the hottest items for this Christmas.
So, I am officially adding "Snuggies" to my "dislike" list on Facebook. That's right. I just went there. The list now reads:
"I don't like: Uggs, black licorice, dishonesty, spiders, The Usual Suspects (sorry), ice skating, negative energy, my alarm clock, cigarettes, scary movies, blood, big waves, stalkers, cockroaches, Snuggies."
Every time the commercial comes on in my house, I shake my fist at the screen and yell, "Damn you, Snuggies!" and my family laughs. But it's not funny.
I really hate them.
Love,
Tara
Saturday, October 17, 2009
"The Backs of My Eyelids"
Saturday, October 17, 2009
5:19 PM Mmm... apples.
Conversations with My Mother
It's early on a Saturday morning in autumn. Tara is sleeping peacefully in her bed, dreaming of apple fritters and the new boots she wants to buy. She has to wake up in just an hour in order to get ready for a day at the toy store. She never gets a day off, and she hardly ever sleeps. But I digress...
(Knock, knock, knock)
(Tara wakes with a start to a loud rapping on the door and watches, through blurry eyes, as the door swings open and her mother walks in.)
Mom: Hi sweetie! Do you have 10 dollars I could borrow?
(Tara looks around, confused.)
Tara: Uh, yeah. In my purse.
(Tara's mother starts to look around the room for Tara's purse. Tara closes her eyes, trying not to let this episode keep her from getting back to her much needed sleep).
Tara: (sighs) My purse is downstairs.
Mom: Okay. Also, have you seen my glasses?
(Tara is now wide awake...mostly because of the ridiculousness of the situation.)
Tara: No, Mom. I've been trying to see the backs of my eyelids.
Mom: What?
Tara: Nothing.
Love,
Tara
5:19 PM Mmm... apples.
Conversations with My Mother
It's early on a Saturday morning in autumn. Tara is sleeping peacefully in her bed, dreaming of apple fritters and the new boots she wants to buy. She has to wake up in just an hour in order to get ready for a day at the toy store. She never gets a day off, and she hardly ever sleeps. But I digress...
(Knock, knock, knock)
(Tara wakes with a start to a loud rapping on the door and watches, through blurry eyes, as the door swings open and her mother walks in.)
Mom: Hi sweetie! Do you have 10 dollars I could borrow?
(Tara looks around, confused.)
Tara: Uh, yeah. In my purse.
(Tara's mother starts to look around the room for Tara's purse. Tara closes her eyes, trying not to let this episode keep her from getting back to her much needed sleep).
Tara: (sighs) My purse is downstairs.
Mom: Okay. Also, have you seen my glasses?
(Tara is now wide awake...mostly because of the ridiculousness of the situation.)
Tara: No, Mom. I've been trying to see the backs of my eyelids.
Mom: What?
Tara: Nothing.
Love,
Tara
Monday, October 12, 2009
"Real Reason"
Monday, October 12, 2009
8: 21 pm Two posts in one day?!?
I know. I’m feeling chatty. And there are about a thousand other things I should be doing, so naturally, I’m blogging. I found out a couple hours ago that I got a final interview for this job I really want. And when I found out, I didn’t jump up and down or scream and yell, as I’d always imagined I would do when I got the news. Instead, I kind of sat there, stunned. And then eventually I made my way downstairs and told the rest of my family. And they all kind of did a mini- jump up and down and scream and yell, and I just stood there. Clearly, my response is not the normal one here, so I ask you this…
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME THAT I CAN’T JUST BE HAPPY WHEN I FINALLY GET WHAT I WANT!??!?!?
Part of me thinks I just don’t want to get my hopes up, after being this close to getting so many jobs before, and then not actually getting them in the end. But I think it’s more than that. I think that even though I cry and complain about not being able to get a full-time job, the truth is as long as I don’t have a job… I’m safe. I live at home with my family and not much is expected of me. It’s almost as if I haven’t started my “real life” yet. If I get a job and move out I have to start my real life. I have to do all those things I always said I would do with my life. At home, my life is in limbo. Out there, it’s game on.
Anyway, I’ve resigned myself to the fact that I’m going to feel like an over-tired little kid until the interview – my adrenaline is rushing and my nerves are shot. An excellent example of what this means happened just an hour ago. I think I’ve mentioned before that I cry every time I see a preview for “Where The Wild Things Are.” Now, this alone isn’t especially different for me - I cry at McDonald’s commercials with surprising frequency. Anyway, I really like the song in the preview (“Wake Up” by The Arcade Fire), so I downloaded it to my Ipod to listen to while I was showering.
BAD CALL.
I started crying hysterically in the shower. I don’t know what it is about that song and that movie and my life, but I had a total melt down. I think maybe because the song and the movie are about growing up and losing your childhood innocence, but also maybe still retaining some of it. Which I can relate to. I don’t know. In other news, I’m crazy.
Sometimes when I lose perspective on my life, I try to think about what my 7-year-old self would say. I honestly think maybe I had everything figured out at the age of 7, and I’ve just spent the last 15 years getting confused. Anyway, if I could ask my 7-year-old self what I could do to be happiest right now, I think she would hit me over the head with a Barbie doll and ask me when I started doubting everything and why I ever stopped playing with my sisters and dreaming of becoming a movie star and marrying a prince. There isn’t room for doubt when it comes to living the life you have imagined.
And since everything in my life is connected to everything else, I can’t help but think of one of my favorite Storypeople quotes, which I think might actually be the secret of life:
there are things you do because they feel right & they may make no sense & they may make no money & it my be the real reason we are here: to love each other & to eat each other’s cooking & say it was good.
I think maybe I’ve been making this way harder than it needs to be.
Love,
Tara
8: 21 pm Two posts in one day?!?
I know. I’m feeling chatty. And there are about a thousand other things I should be doing, so naturally, I’m blogging. I found out a couple hours ago that I got a final interview for this job I really want. And when I found out, I didn’t jump up and down or scream and yell, as I’d always imagined I would do when I got the news. Instead, I kind of sat there, stunned. And then eventually I made my way downstairs and told the rest of my family. And they all kind of did a mini- jump up and down and scream and yell, and I just stood there. Clearly, my response is not the normal one here, so I ask you this…
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME THAT I CAN’T JUST BE HAPPY WHEN I FINALLY GET WHAT I WANT!??!?!?
Part of me thinks I just don’t want to get my hopes up, after being this close to getting so many jobs before, and then not actually getting them in the end. But I think it’s more than that. I think that even though I cry and complain about not being able to get a full-time job, the truth is as long as I don’t have a job… I’m safe. I live at home with my family and not much is expected of me. It’s almost as if I haven’t started my “real life” yet. If I get a job and move out I have to start my real life. I have to do all those things I always said I would do with my life. At home, my life is in limbo. Out there, it’s game on.
Anyway, I’ve resigned myself to the fact that I’m going to feel like an over-tired little kid until the interview – my adrenaline is rushing and my nerves are shot. An excellent example of what this means happened just an hour ago. I think I’ve mentioned before that I cry every time I see a preview for “Where The Wild Things Are.” Now, this alone isn’t especially different for me - I cry at McDonald’s commercials with surprising frequency. Anyway, I really like the song in the preview (“Wake Up” by The Arcade Fire), so I downloaded it to my Ipod to listen to while I was showering.
BAD CALL.
I started crying hysterically in the shower. I don’t know what it is about that song and that movie and my life, but I had a total melt down. I think maybe because the song and the movie are about growing up and losing your childhood innocence, but also maybe still retaining some of it. Which I can relate to. I don’t know. In other news, I’m crazy.
Sometimes when I lose perspective on my life, I try to think about what my 7-year-old self would say. I honestly think maybe I had everything figured out at the age of 7, and I’ve just spent the last 15 years getting confused. Anyway, if I could ask my 7-year-old self what I could do to be happiest right now, I think she would hit me over the head with a Barbie doll and ask me when I started doubting everything and why I ever stopped playing with my sisters and dreaming of becoming a movie star and marrying a prince. There isn’t room for doubt when it comes to living the life you have imagined.
And since everything in my life is connected to everything else, I can’t help but think of one of my favorite Storypeople quotes, which I think might actually be the secret of life:
there are things you do because they feel right & they may make no sense & they may make no money & it my be the real reason we are here: to love each other & to eat each other’s cooking & say it was good.
I think maybe I’ve been making this way harder than it needs to be.
Love,
Tara
"Put That In Your Blog And Post It"
Monday, October 12, 2009
2:01 pm Buzzing from my Boston fix.
This past weekend I had the pleasure of spending time with my sisters in Boston. As is customary, Kathy and Mike had gone away on their annual anniversary trip on Wednesday, leaving Kaitlyn and I home alone to fend for ourselves. By Saturday, Kaitlyn and I were more than ready to pack up and ship up to Boston. I was a little afraid that being in Boston for the weekend would make me nostalgic for my college days, but being with my darling sisters kept me pretty distracted for the whole trip. It was a little touch and go when we walked through Boston Common, but I resisted the urge to throw myself into the Frog Pond. It's only like 5 inches of water. And that would have been gross.
Saturday night was spent in and around the North End. Even though Stephanie and I have spent a combined 6 and a half years at school in Boston, we still haven't managed to show Kaitlyn everything yet. I like to show her important Boston landmarks when I can, so I made sure to show her my favorite apartment buildings and the hotel where I want to have my wedding reception.
Needless to say, the weekend was filled with sisterly bonding and laughing and fighting and talking over each other. Which is exactly what I needed. Being at home, it's easy to fall into a monotonous daily routine. Taking little trips to be with people I love makes a world of difference. It gives me energy.
Anyway, now that I've been all sweet and nice, I have to tell you the funniest moment of the trip. Kaitlyn, who is a senior in high school, loves it when she sees groups touring college campuses because she likes to pretend she's a "real" college student....
Tara, Stephanie, and Kaitlyn are walking through Northeastern's campus, looking stunning in the morning light. Like Charlie's Angels, but better. And more modern.
Kaitlyn: Who are all those people?
Stephanie: A tour.
Kaitlyn (eyes wide and grinning): Do you think they think I go here?
Before Tara can even get in a complete eye-roll, Kaitlyn trips in a pot hole and spills her coffee all over herself.
Tara: No.
Okay, maybe you had to be there. Just trust me. It was hilarious.
Love,
Tara
2:01 pm Buzzing from my Boston fix.
This past weekend I had the pleasure of spending time with my sisters in Boston. As is customary, Kathy and Mike had gone away on their annual anniversary trip on Wednesday, leaving Kaitlyn and I home alone to fend for ourselves. By Saturday, Kaitlyn and I were more than ready to pack up and ship up to Boston. I was a little afraid that being in Boston for the weekend would make me nostalgic for my college days, but being with my darling sisters kept me pretty distracted for the whole trip. It was a little touch and go when we walked through Boston Common, but I resisted the urge to throw myself into the Frog Pond. It's only like 5 inches of water. And that would have been gross.
Saturday night was spent in and around the North End. Even though Stephanie and I have spent a combined 6 and a half years at school in Boston, we still haven't managed to show Kaitlyn everything yet. I like to show her important Boston landmarks when I can, so I made sure to show her my favorite apartment buildings and the hotel where I want to have my wedding reception.
Needless to say, the weekend was filled with sisterly bonding and laughing and fighting and talking over each other. Which is exactly what I needed. Being at home, it's easy to fall into a monotonous daily routine. Taking little trips to be with people I love makes a world of difference. It gives me energy.
Anyway, now that I've been all sweet and nice, I have to tell you the funniest moment of the trip. Kaitlyn, who is a senior in high school, loves it when she sees groups touring college campuses because she likes to pretend she's a "real" college student....
Tara, Stephanie, and Kaitlyn are walking through Northeastern's campus, looking stunning in the morning light. Like Charlie's Angels, but better. And more modern.
Kaitlyn: Who are all those people?
Stephanie: A tour.
Kaitlyn (eyes wide and grinning): Do you think they think I go here?
Before Tara can even get in a complete eye-roll, Kaitlyn trips in a pot hole and spills her coffee all over herself.
Tara: No.
Okay, maybe you had to be there. Just trust me. It was hilarious.
Love,
Tara
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
"A Girl Can Dream..."
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
9:24 pm Le sigh.
How I’d Like the Next 15 Years of My Life to Progress (In Case I Get Any Input...Which I Haven't Lately, Just So You Know)
1.) Get hired to work full-time at a magazine.
2.) Move out of parents’ house and closer to magazine.
3.) Meet amazing new people, enjoy early 20s.
4.) One day, meet incredibly good-looking, smart, funny, athletic guy who happens to be incredibly wealthy. (Sooner rather than later? K thanks.)
5.) Career takes off. Continue working my way up in magazines while working on best-selling novel.
6.) Fall in love and get engaged to the good-looking, smart, funny, athletic, wealthy guy who’s totally in love with me when I’m 25-27 years old.
7.) Have kick-ass wedding. And honeymoon.
8.) Novel becomes best-seller.
9.) Become editor of magazine.
10.) Pop out 3-4 kids by the age of 33. (2 boys, 2 girls)
11.) Raise kids to be bilingual (English and Spanish).
12.) Quit magazine career to continue writing books.
13.) Start a new list.
Of course, now that I’ve written it down, my actual future will probably not even be close to this. But I figure if I don’t know what I want, I’m never going to get it. And hey, a girl can dream…
...right??
Love,
Tara
9:24 pm Le sigh.
How I’d Like the Next 15 Years of My Life to Progress (In Case I Get Any Input...Which I Haven't Lately, Just So You Know)
1.) Get hired to work full-time at a magazine.
2.) Move out of parents’ house and closer to magazine.
3.) Meet amazing new people, enjoy early 20s.
4.) One day, meet incredibly good-looking, smart, funny, athletic guy who happens to be incredibly wealthy. (Sooner rather than later? K thanks.)
5.) Career takes off. Continue working my way up in magazines while working on best-selling novel.
6.) Fall in love and get engaged to the good-looking, smart, funny, athletic, wealthy guy who’s totally in love with me when I’m 25-27 years old.
7.) Have kick-ass wedding. And honeymoon.
8.) Novel becomes best-seller.
9.) Become editor of magazine.
10.) Pop out 3-4 kids by the age of 33. (2 boys, 2 girls)
11.) Raise kids to be bilingual (English and Spanish).
12.) Quit magazine career to continue writing books.
13.) Start a new list.
Of course, now that I’ve written it down, my actual future will probably not even be close to this. But I figure if I don’t know what I want, I’m never going to get it. And hey, a girl can dream…
...right??
Love,
Tara
Monday, October 5, 2009
"The One, Big Important Thing That Would Validate Everything Else"
Monday, October 5, 2009
9:01 pm Happy Anniversary Mom & Dad!
Quick exchange between some of my players and me this afternoon:
Player 1: Hey, what do you do for a job?
-I freeze, somewhat embarrassed.
-Player 1 turns to Player 2.
Player 1: See I told you.
Player 2: But I thought he went to BU.
Player 1: He did, idiot!
Player 2: Then why doesn’t he have a job?
Player 3 (from out of nowhere, defending me valiantly): The economy is really bad right now.
High schoolers get it.
From Dear World, Please Give Me A Job
3.) "You Can Count on My Love"
A shout out to all my friends, especially those who are 2,500 miles away. From Winnie the Pooh of all places.
"If ever there is a tomorrow when we're not together, there is something you must always remember: you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think, but the most important thing is, even if we're apart, I'll always be with you." -Winnie the Pooh
From Pop Culture, Politics and Everything In Between
4.) "Awkward Moose"
Because my life, and the United States of America, is completely out of debt and has no money issues at all….I’ve been going on a few interviews for jobs. And it seems that each interviewer is reading from a Dummies Guide to Interviewing list of questions. I don’t even think they really listen to your answers. I believe that they are just thinking about when they get to leave for the day- or if they’re like me they’ve had the Hamster Dance stuck in their head since 7th grade.
Anywhoozle, when I was in one of these interviews, I had a little bit of a John Nash-Beautiful Mind-Moment, in which I heard this voice in my head answering the questions for me.
Here are a few that came to mind:
(Them): If you could describe yourself in one word, what would it be?
(Me): Bendy.
(Them): What would you say your one weakness is?
(Me): Dairy Products
(Them): What are your strengths?
(Me): Deep- knee bends
(Them): What is your ideal job?
(Me): Hamburglar.
From Honestly?
5.)
![]()
From Post Secret
Love,
Tara
9:01 pm Happy Anniversary Mom & Dad!
Five Posts I Love From Five Blogs I Read That You Should Probably Read Too
(Most of which are written by my talented friends...)
1.) “ i was tired of thinking that i — and the life i was creating for myself — wasn’t enough, and that i lacked the one, big important thing that would somehow validate everything else. wendy atterberry, thefrisky.com http://www.thefrisky.com/post/246-obsessing-over-finding-love-wont-make-it-happen-faster/
Reblogged on Notes, Quotes & Anecdotes of a Year Fast Passing
2.) "A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Soccer Practice"
Quick exchange between some of my players and me this afternoon:
Player 1: Hey, what do you do for a job?
-I freeze, somewhat embarrassed.
-Player 1 turns to Player 2.
Player 1: See I told you.
Player 2: But I thought he went to BU.
Player 1: He did, idiot!
Player 2: Then why doesn’t he have a job?
Player 3 (from out of nowhere, defending me valiantly): The economy is really bad right now.
High schoolers get it.
From Dear World, Please Give Me A Job
3.) "You Can Count on My Love"
A shout out to all my friends, especially those who are 2,500 miles away. From Winnie the Pooh of all places.
"If ever there is a tomorrow when we're not together, there is something you must always remember: you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think, but the most important thing is, even if we're apart, I'll always be with you." -Winnie the Pooh
From Pop Culture, Politics and Everything In Between
4.) "Awkward Moose"
Because my life, and the United States of America, is completely out of debt and has no money issues at all….I’ve been going on a few interviews for jobs. And it seems that each interviewer is reading from a Dummies Guide to Interviewing list of questions. I don’t even think they really listen to your answers. I believe that they are just thinking about when they get to leave for the day- or if they’re like me they’ve had the Hamster Dance stuck in their head since 7th grade.
Anywhoozle, when I was in one of these interviews, I had a little bit of a John Nash-Beautiful Mind-Moment, in which I heard this voice in my head answering the questions for me.
Here are a few that came to mind:
(Them): If you could describe yourself in one word, what would it be?
(Me): Bendy.
(Them): What would you say your one weakness is?
(Me): Dairy Products
(Them): What are your strengths?
(Me): Deep- knee bends
(Them): What is your ideal job?
(Me): Hamburglar.
From Honestly?
5.)
From Post Secret
Love,
Tara
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