Friday, August 21, 2009
10:38 pm Hmmm...
I just saw 'Julie & Julia' tonight with my family, and I (along with every other reviewer ever) loved it. I've never disliked a movie that had Meryl Streep in it, and I thought Amy Adams was fantastic as Julie Powell, a sort of pathetic, messed up woman who needs a project to cling to.
While I wouldn't exactly call myself a pathetic, messed up woman who needs a project to cling to, I was rather inspired by the idea of blogging with a purpose. Obviously, I've found some purpose in blogging about myself (I've been doing it for a year and a half), but I would like to challenge myself a little more. When I was abroad, I was faced with challenges I could write about every day. Today, my biggest challenge is surviving as a post-grad, and while that is certainly challenging sometimes, it's boring me. And probably you. Whoever you are...
The problem is, I wouldn't know what kind of challenge to take on. It would have to involve something I love to do, the way Julie Powell loved to cook. She used cooking as a way to escape from her mundane life, so even though she wasn't a skilled cook, the challenge came naturally to her. I use blogging as a way to escape my mundane life...and I can't really blog about blogging.
My other interests? Oh, I don't know... I like to read? I could review books I suppose, but the thought of that causes an involuntary eye roll. You should see it. I'm actually rolling my eyes at the computer screen right now. Some part of my brain just said, "Ugh. No, Tara," and my eyes rolled totally on their own. Happens all the time.
I like to...cook? No. Eat? Yes, but not so much I want to talk about it. I like to...dance? Work out? Again, yes, but who wants to talk about that? Paint my nails? Do my hair? Chew gum? Ugh, I'm getting a headache from all the involuntary eye rolling.
I guess I'll have to give it some more thought. I'd ask for suggestions, but that scares me. I can just see the emails pouring in now... Remember, the key to doing this challenge, whatever it is, is that it has to be something I want to do.
I hope there is something I want to do.
Love,
Tara
Friday, August 21, 2009
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
"What a Difference A Day Makes"
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
11:31 pm Bed.
Yesterday was quite possibly the best day of my life. And it was so unexpected! In fact, it reminds me of a Grey's Anatomy quote (anyone surprised? anyone?) that I mentioned in an earlier post here. You don't wake up in the morning and think, "Wow, I'm about to have one of the best days of my life." I certainly didn't yesterday morning...
I woke up at 5:20 yesterday morning (read: BEFORE dawn) to get ready to go to NYC for my THIRD interview at the Rock. I'm always a bundle of nerves before big interviews, so, needless to say, I had only gotten a few hours of restless sleep. I had nightmares involving Harry Potter and a doorway and a hair salon I had to redecorate. I won't go into details, but the point is I didn't sleep very well, so I was a groggy sort of jumpy all morning. Like, I would be thinking about how tired I was and then I would remember I had a LIFE-CHANGING interview in a few hours and my heart rate would surge and I'd get all shaky and twitchy. It was really charming and attractive.
Last time I had an interview in NYC, I had to go down by myself, but this time I had my supportive sisters with me, and it really made the whole trip SO much better. We left the house at 7 to drive the 45 minutes to New Haven, where we caught the train to Grand Central. Just having them around to talk to and to take my mind off of things made me feel much more relaxed. It meant a lot that they were willing to sacrifice their day for a whirlwind trip to NYC and back just for me.
We got to NYC with no problems, and I had a really great interview. And I get out of the interview and it's like all the tension that was trembling inside of me just rushes out and I feel SO good. Like, euphoric. And that happens with every interview! I'm so worked up and nervous, especially with an interview like Tuesday's that was of, well, Olympic proportions, and then it goes great and then it's over and everything is okay and suddenly the sky has never been bluer and the people in the street have never seemed nicer and New York City has never smelled better. And then I can see my sisters walking toward me and I can tell they're kind of talking to each other out of the sides of their mouths, saying things like, "What do you think?" "She looks happy right?" "Yeah. She's smiling..." "I hope so." "Otherwise it's going to be a long train ride home..." And I just want to leap in the air and click my heels together but my sisters have almost caught up to me and I'm wearing five-inch heels anyway.
When we got home in the early evening, after grabbing lunch in the city and then catching the train back, I found out I had landed ANOTHER interview for a different job back at the Rock. Because I was no longer in public, I let myself express my delight at the good news by spending approximately thirty seconds kicking and thrashing around on my bed. I didn't have much more time than that, however, because I had to regroup and get ready to go to a party at Andrea's. I spent the rest of the night laughing with my Gbury friends and taking pictures and sucking at beer pong. It was fantastic.
The next morning, I woke up in Andrea's bed to the smell of waffles. Then someone smooshed a waffle into the side of my face, and I realized Mike was lying next to me, trying to force-feed me a waffle. This was his idea of breakfast in bed. When I had screamed and hit him enough times, he gave up trying to shove it in my mouth and instead, shoved it down the back of my shirt before he ran away, giggling like a girl. I started my morning hungover, pissed off, and with a hot, greasy waffle plastered to my back.
It was so great.
I've been going on a lot of evening walks with my dad this summer, and as the sun sets and we stroll through the neighborhood we talk about a variety of different topics. The other night we were talking about happiness. If there is one valuable lesson I have learned by not having my life go the way I had planned for the past few months, it is that when you decide that your happiness is dependent on only one thing, it is a guarantee that you will be unhappy and that you won't get that thing. For a while this summer I let the fact that I didn't have a job affect how happy I was in my life and with myself. I honestly thought less of myself for not having one. I've done it with other things in the past too. Guys, friends, grades... I become so focused on what I should have and what I should be able to do, that I let it affect my opinion of myself. But I've learned that when I can reach a point (and it's not easy) where I can say, "Okay, well, I don't have a job/boyfriend/whatever right now," and be okay with that and realize that maybe things are this way for a reason, that's when I can be truly happy and that's when everything starts to click.
Because the truth is, yesterday wasn't really the best day of my life. Yesterday was just the day that everything clicked.
The best day of my life was a few days before that. Because it was on one those days that I was able to honestly say (job or no job, boyfriend or no boyfriend, college or no college) that I am truly happy with everything in my life just the way it is. And that I am truly happy with myself just the way I am.
What a difference a day makes.
Love,
Tara
11:31 pm Bed.
Yesterday was quite possibly the best day of my life. And it was so unexpected! In fact, it reminds me of a Grey's Anatomy quote (anyone surprised? anyone?) that I mentioned in an earlier post here. You don't wake up in the morning and think, "Wow, I'm about to have one of the best days of my life." I certainly didn't yesterday morning...
I woke up at 5:20 yesterday morning (read: BEFORE dawn) to get ready to go to NYC for my THIRD interview at the Rock. I'm always a bundle of nerves before big interviews, so, needless to say, I had only gotten a few hours of restless sleep. I had nightmares involving Harry Potter and a doorway and a hair salon I had to redecorate. I won't go into details, but the point is I didn't sleep very well, so I was a groggy sort of jumpy all morning. Like, I would be thinking about how tired I was and then I would remember I had a LIFE-CHANGING interview in a few hours and my heart rate would surge and I'd get all shaky and twitchy. It was really charming and attractive.
Last time I had an interview in NYC, I had to go down by myself, but this time I had my supportive sisters with me, and it really made the whole trip SO much better. We left the house at 7 to drive the 45 minutes to New Haven, where we caught the train to Grand Central. Just having them around to talk to and to take my mind off of things made me feel much more relaxed. It meant a lot that they were willing to sacrifice their day for a whirlwind trip to NYC and back just for me.
We got to NYC with no problems, and I had a really great interview. And I get out of the interview and it's like all the tension that was trembling inside of me just rushes out and I feel SO good. Like, euphoric. And that happens with every interview! I'm so worked up and nervous, especially with an interview like Tuesday's that was of, well, Olympic proportions, and then it goes great and then it's over and everything is okay and suddenly the sky has never been bluer and the people in the street have never seemed nicer and New York City has never smelled better. And then I can see my sisters walking toward me and I can tell they're kind of talking to each other out of the sides of their mouths, saying things like, "What do you think?" "She looks happy right?" "Yeah. She's smiling..." "I hope so." "Otherwise it's going to be a long train ride home..." And I just want to leap in the air and click my heels together but my sisters have almost caught up to me and I'm wearing five-inch heels anyway.
When we got home in the early evening, after grabbing lunch in the city and then catching the train back, I found out I had landed ANOTHER interview for a different job back at the Rock. Because I was no longer in public, I let myself express my delight at the good news by spending approximately thirty seconds kicking and thrashing around on my bed. I didn't have much more time than that, however, because I had to regroup and get ready to go to a party at Andrea's. I spent the rest of the night laughing with my Gbury friends and taking pictures and sucking at beer pong. It was fantastic.
The next morning, I woke up in Andrea's bed to the smell of waffles. Then someone smooshed a waffle into the side of my face, and I realized Mike was lying next to me, trying to force-feed me a waffle. This was his idea of breakfast in bed. When I had screamed and hit him enough times, he gave up trying to shove it in my mouth and instead, shoved it down the back of my shirt before he ran away, giggling like a girl. I started my morning hungover, pissed off, and with a hot, greasy waffle plastered to my back.
It was so great.
I've been going on a lot of evening walks with my dad this summer, and as the sun sets and we stroll through the neighborhood we talk about a variety of different topics. The other night we were talking about happiness. If there is one valuable lesson I have learned by not having my life go the way I had planned for the past few months, it is that when you decide that your happiness is dependent on only one thing, it is a guarantee that you will be unhappy and that you won't get that thing. For a while this summer I let the fact that I didn't have a job affect how happy I was in my life and with myself. I honestly thought less of myself for not having one. I've done it with other things in the past too. Guys, friends, grades... I become so focused on what I should have and what I should be able to do, that I let it affect my opinion of myself. But I've learned that when I can reach a point (and it's not easy) where I can say, "Okay, well, I don't have a job/boyfriend/whatever right now," and be okay with that and realize that maybe things are this way for a reason, that's when I can be truly happy and that's when everything starts to click.
Because the truth is, yesterday wasn't really the best day of my life. Yesterday was just the day that everything clicked.
The best day of my life was a few days before that. Because it was on one those days that I was able to honestly say (job or no job, boyfriend or no boyfriend, college or no college) that I am truly happy with everything in my life just the way it is. And that I am truly happy with myself just the way I am.
What a difference a day makes.
Love,
Tara
Sunday, August 9, 2009
"It's Possible!"
Sunday, August 9, 2009
7:52 pm I have show tunes stuck in my head...
The past few days have been nothing short of inspiring. That's really the only word I can use to describe how I feel right now. I feel like I'm buzzing with inspiration. Like anything's possible. Like everything's going to work out. And it's all thanks to my little sister, Cinderella.
For the past four nights, I have watched Kaitlyn play Cinderella in this year's summer show, Rodgers & Hammerstein's "Cinderella." First of all, she was amazing. And I'm not just saying that because she's my sister and I have to. She was seriously AMAZING. Like, after I heard her sing her first song I was covered in goosebumps and my mouth was hanging open and I temporarily lost the ability to blink because I HAD NO IDEA SHE COULD SING LIKE THAT. And then I looked around and saw that the entire audience had the same expression on their faces, and when Kaitlyn stopped singing we all looked at each other like HOLY CRAP THAT WAS THE NICEST SOUND I'VE EVER HEARD I WISH SHE HADN'T STOPPED.
That happened for four straight nights. She rocked it every single night and somehow managed to do better and better with each performance.
But as I watched her on stage each night, it was so hard for me to accept that it was her up there. How was it that the little sister I had watched tv with until noon that very morning (still in our pajamas) was now on stage singing like a rock star and losing glass slippers and kissing a prince??? It didn't seem possible. But there she was: 17 years old and killing it as the lead in the town play. She had a dream, and she made it come true. How cool is that???
Now, as you know, I get emotional over McDonald's commercials, so you can imagine how emotional I was actually watching a play. I laughed, I teared up (though I didn't cry!), I cheered, and I lost my voice a little by screaming like a mad woman when Kaitlyn took her bow each night. And as I watched the play, some of the lines really spoke to me. Like, when Cinderella tells the Fairy Godmother right before the ball, "But nothing in my life has prepared me for a night like this!" and the Fairy Godmother says to her, "And yet everything in your life has led you to this moment," I gasped. Audibly. I mean, leave it to me to relate to a fairy tale but THOSE LINES ARE MY LIFE RIGHT NOW.
I've been telling people I'm planning on having a panic attack at the end of August. I'm not planning on it because I want it to happen... I just feel like it's going to happen. The end of August will come and students will return to their colleges and I will realize I'm not a student anymore and that I can't go back to Boston anymore and that I'm not employed either and I will have a mental breakdown for approximately 48 hours. Maybe more. It's hard to say. But seeing Kaitlyn as Cinderella made me feel better. Like maybe I won't break down. Like maybe I'll want to and that's okay and everything, but sometimes things do work out. And sometimes people get what they've been working toward. And maybe it will take a while, but eventually I'll get there.
After all, Cinderella had to survive like, 20 years with a wicked stepmother and stepsisters, but then one day she walked out and found her prince and lived happily ever after. It happens!
This is sounding a little too much like a 13-year-old girl's diary entry, so I'm going to stop now, but not before I throw in a Grey's Anatomy quote that is JUST SO RELEVANT RIGHT NOW:
"The early bird catches the worm. A stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We can't pretend we haven't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to ‘seize the day.' Still, sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore, until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin meant: That knowing is better than wondering. That waking is better than sleeping. And that even the biggest failure, even the worst, most intractable mistake, beats the hell out of never trying."
Love,
Tara
7:52 pm I have show tunes stuck in my head...
The past few days have been nothing short of inspiring. That's really the only word I can use to describe how I feel right now. I feel like I'm buzzing with inspiration. Like anything's possible. Like everything's going to work out. And it's all thanks to my little sister, Cinderella.
For the past four nights, I have watched Kaitlyn play Cinderella in this year's summer show, Rodgers & Hammerstein's "Cinderella." First of all, she was amazing. And I'm not just saying that because she's my sister and I have to. She was seriously AMAZING. Like, after I heard her sing her first song I was covered in goosebumps and my mouth was hanging open and I temporarily lost the ability to blink because I HAD NO IDEA SHE COULD SING LIKE THAT. And then I looked around and saw that the entire audience had the same expression on their faces, and when Kaitlyn stopped singing we all looked at each other like HOLY CRAP THAT WAS THE NICEST SOUND I'VE EVER HEARD I WISH SHE HADN'T STOPPED.
That happened for four straight nights. She rocked it every single night and somehow managed to do better and better with each performance.
But as I watched her on stage each night, it was so hard for me to accept that it was her up there. How was it that the little sister I had watched tv with until noon that very morning (still in our pajamas) was now on stage singing like a rock star and losing glass slippers and kissing a prince??? It didn't seem possible. But there she was: 17 years old and killing it as the lead in the town play. She had a dream, and she made it come true. How cool is that???
Now, as you know, I get emotional over McDonald's commercials, so you can imagine how emotional I was actually watching a play. I laughed, I teared up (though I didn't cry!), I cheered, and I lost my voice a little by screaming like a mad woman when Kaitlyn took her bow each night. And as I watched the play, some of the lines really spoke to me. Like, when Cinderella tells the Fairy Godmother right before the ball, "But nothing in my life has prepared me for a night like this!" and the Fairy Godmother says to her, "And yet everything in your life has led you to this moment," I gasped. Audibly. I mean, leave it to me to relate to a fairy tale but THOSE LINES ARE MY LIFE RIGHT NOW.
I've been telling people I'm planning on having a panic attack at the end of August. I'm not planning on it because I want it to happen... I just feel like it's going to happen. The end of August will come and students will return to their colleges and I will realize I'm not a student anymore and that I can't go back to Boston anymore and that I'm not employed either and I will have a mental breakdown for approximately 48 hours. Maybe more. It's hard to say. But seeing Kaitlyn as Cinderella made me feel better. Like maybe I won't break down. Like maybe I'll want to and that's okay and everything, but sometimes things do work out. And sometimes people get what they've been working toward. And maybe it will take a while, but eventually I'll get there.
After all, Cinderella had to survive like, 20 years with a wicked stepmother and stepsisters, but then one day she walked out and found her prince and lived happily ever after. It happens!
This is sounding a little too much like a 13-year-old girl's diary entry, so I'm going to stop now, but not before I throw in a Grey's Anatomy quote that is JUST SO RELEVANT RIGHT NOW:
"The early bird catches the worm. A stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We can't pretend we haven't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to ‘seize the day.' Still, sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore, until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin meant: That knowing is better than wondering. That waking is better than sleeping. And that even the biggest failure, even the worst, most intractable mistake, beats the hell out of never trying."
Love,
Tara
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