"Faith Is A Funny Thing"

Tuesday, October 20, 2009
10:31 pm  My room is a mess.

So, the past few nights have been spent studying, writing, and rehearsing in preparation for Friday’s interview. While I feel moderately stressed, I haven’t been hit with a bout of heart burn yet, and today I only chipped the nail polish off of ONE nail. Do you understand how huge that is? This weekend I painted my nails and proceeded to ruin the whole thing in less than 24 hours. Both my mother and father came to visit me in my room (where I’ve been permanently stationed, on my bed, laptop in lap, glasses on, hair in complete disarray, surrounded by papers, talking to myself) and asked me what the “black stuff” was on the floor next to my bed. In response I rolled my eyes, sighed, and eventually answered, “That’s yesterday’s manicure.” Shouldn’t they know this by now?

Anyway, the point is, I’ve calmed down since this weekend. That’s not to say the crazy won’t come back, but I think I’ve been more relaxed 1.) Because I’ve been on about 25 interviews since I graduated, so I kind of know the drill, and 2.) Because of some advice my wise friend, Eliz, gave me. The other day on GChat, when I was whining to her about my stressful life, she told me that every time I want to think “I’m nervous!” when I think of the impending interview, I should change it to, “I’m excited!” She said it’s all adrenaline… it’s just about how you channel it.

Well, when I heard that, it was like a weight was lifted and the clouds broke and angels started singing. I don’t know how I managed to trick myself, but it’s working. I’m pretty freaking excited.

I also think I’m excited and not freaking out (yet) for another reason. I’ve already done 27 blog posts about how eye-opening being jobless and living at home has been, so I’m not going to go into all that again. But one of the most important things I’ve learned is this: When you decide your happiness is dependent on only one thing, it is a sure way to end up unhappy. While it’d be nice to get the dream job, it certainly doesn’t define me. And I know it won’t be the thing in my life that will always bring me happiness.

I used to not want to get my hopes up over anything. After being rejected from so many jobs, eventually you don’t even get excited anymore. You turn kind of cynical and angry. Or I do, at least.  But I think you have to fight that and learn to celebrate life’s tiny triumphs. Yeah, you didn’t get the job in the end, but you can celebrate the way you felt after you had that awesome interview. And maybe you miss your friends, but how funny was it when your mom was singing and dancing in the kitchen the other night? The text that made you smile, the cute kid in the toy store, the crazy ladies at Bingo…These are the little things that keep you going. I think maybe that’s what life’s all about.

So, I’m leaving you with another Grey’s Anatomy quote… I’m actually the worst fan ever: I haven’t watched a single episode this season. Nevertheless, I take comfort in their quotes:

“At the end of the day faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don't really expect it. It's like one day you realize that the fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamed. The castle, well, it may not be a castle. And it's not so important, happy ever after, just that it’s happy right now. See, once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you. And once in a while, people may even take your breath away.”

Love,
Tara