"What a Difference A Day Makes"

Wednesday, August 19, 2009
11:31 pm Bed.

Yesterday was quite possibly the best day of my life. And it was so unexpected! In fact, it reminds me of a Grey's Anatomy quote (anyone surprised? anyone?) that I mentioned in an earlier post here. You don't wake up in the morning and think, "Wow, I'm about to have one of the best days of my life." I certainly didn't yesterday morning...

I woke up at 5:20 yesterday morning (read: BEFORE dawn) to get ready to go to NYC for my THIRD interview at the Rock. I'm always a bundle of nerves before big interviews, so, needless to say, I had only gotten a few hours of restless sleep. I had nightmares involving Harry Potter and a doorway and a hair salon I had to redecorate. I won't go into details, but the point is I didn't sleep very well, so I was a groggy sort of jumpy all morning. Like, I would be thinking about how tired I was and then I would remember I had a LIFE-CHANGING interview in a few hours and my heart rate would surge and I'd get all shaky and twitchy. It was really charming and attractive.

Last time I had an interview in NYC, I had to go down by myself, but this time I had my supportive sisters with me, and it really made the whole trip SO much better. We left the house at 7 to drive the 45 minutes to New Haven, where we caught the train to Grand Central. Just having them around to talk to and to take my mind off of things made me feel much more relaxed. It meant a lot that they were willing to sacrifice their day for a whirlwind trip to NYC and back just for me.

We got to NYC with no problems, and I had a really great interview. And I get out of the interview and it's like all the tension that was trembling inside of me just rushes out and I feel SO good. Like, euphoric. And that happens with every interview! I'm so worked up and nervous, especially with an interview like Tuesday's that was of, well, Olympic proportions, and then it goes great and then it's over and everything is okay and suddenly the sky has never been bluer and the people in the street have never seemed nicer and New York City has never smelled better. And then I can see my sisters walking toward me and I can tell they're kind of talking to each other out of the sides of their mouths, saying things like, "What do you think?" "She looks happy right?" "Yeah. She's smiling..." "I hope so." "Otherwise it's going to be a long train ride home..." And I just want to leap in the air and click my heels together but my sisters have almost caught up to me and I'm wearing five-inch heels anyway.

When we got home in the early evening, after grabbing lunch in the city and then catching the train back, I found out I had landed ANOTHER interview for a different job back at the Rock. Because I was no longer in public, I let myself express my delight at the good news by spending approximately thirty seconds kicking and thrashing around on my bed. I didn't have much more time than that, however, because I had to regroup and get ready to go to a party at Andrea's. I spent the rest of the night laughing with my Gbury friends and taking pictures and sucking at beer pong. It was fantastic.

The next morning, I woke up in Andrea's bed to the smell of waffles. Then someone smooshed a waffle into the side of my face, and I realized Mike was lying next to me, trying to force-feed me a waffle. This was his idea of breakfast in bed. When I had screamed and hit him enough times, he gave up trying to shove it in my mouth and instead, shoved it down the back of my shirt before he ran away, giggling like a girl. I started my morning hungover, pissed off, and with a hot, greasy waffle plastered to my back.

It was so great.

I've been going on a lot of evening walks with my dad this summer, and as the sun sets and we stroll through the neighborhood we talk about a variety of different topics. The other night we were talking about happiness. If there is one valuable lesson I have learned by not having my life go the way I had planned for the past few months, it is that when you decide that your happiness is dependent on only one thing, it is a guarantee that you will be unhappy and that you won't get that thing. For a while this summer I let the fact that I didn't have a job affect how happy I was in my life and with myself. I honestly thought less of myself for not having one. I've done it with other things in the past too. Guys, friends, grades... I become so focused on what I should have and what I should be able to do, that I let it affect my opinion of myself. But I've learned that when I can reach a point (and it's not easy) where I can say, "Okay, well, I don't have a job/boyfriend/whatever right now," and be okay with that and realize that maybe things are this way for a reason, that's when I can be truly happy and that's when everything starts to click.

Because the truth is, yesterday wasn't really the best day of my life. Yesterday was just the day that everything clicked.

The best day of my life was a few days before that. Because it was on one those days that I was able to honestly say (job or no job, boyfriend or no boyfriend, college or no college) that I am truly happy with everything in my life just the way it is. And that I am truly happy with myself just the way I am.

What a difference a day makes.

Love,
Tara