The Sound of Settling

Sunday, November 29, 2009
6:44 pm  Giving thanks.

Thanksgiving "break" '09 was pretty fantastic.  This is mostly due to the fact that, with all of my friends home for a few days, I could pretend to have a social life.  Each night spent catching up with my Gbury friends made me even more thankful that they're a part of my life.  It's no wonder we've all remained friends for this long.

Anyway, since talking is what we're best at, it is really no big surprise that the conversation between A, C, M, and I last night (using first initials is my attempt to protect the innocent) ended up giving me more insight into the universal differences between men and women.  The four of us were at Plan B when we started throwing around "would you rathers."  To preface, A and C are dating, which made for a nice double-date-like situation, except M is one of my oldest friends, and if we ever actually dated we'd probably kill each other.  Nevertheless, when A and C started kissing, M turned and propositioned me with an, "Okay, Tara.  Let's do this.  Put the beer bottle down."  It was really romantic.

The "would you rathers" didn't start right away.  We eased into it by starting off with a few rounds of "Cliff."  For those who are unfamiliar, Cliff is a game in which person A gives person B three names, and person B then has to decide which of those names they would a.) sleep with and never see again b.) marry but never sleep with and c.) push off a Cliff.  As you can imagine, this is a bit of a dangerous game to play, but when you throw in drinking...well, it's a great way to offend someone really quickly, especially if you're listing names of people you're sitting with.  Luckily, M said he would marry me when it was his turn to choose, though that may have been because he was sitting right next to me, and if he cliffed me I wouldn't have hesitated to punch him.

So, Cliff turned to Would You Rather, with A leading the way by asking all sorts of humdingers (Would you rather be deaf or mute?  Would you rather have ridiculous body hair or nails that grow really fast?).  We were all laughing and justifying our choices when she hit us with the big one: Would you rather have to marry the first person you ever loved or never get married?

The table fell silent for a moment, and then A and I said, simultaneously...

"I'd rather never get married."

This statement was followed by the two of us talking over each other with a lot of Oh my God I could nevers and I would sooner kill myselfs, when we realized the boys weren't chiming in.

This was because they would rather marry the first person they ever loved than never get married.

A and I were incredulous.

You can have meaningful, long-term relationships and never get married, we pointed out.

They shrugged.

You'd be passing up the chance to spend your life with your soul mate just to have the label of "married," we explained.

They shrugged again.

Why???

C explained that though he doesn't talk to the first girl he ever loved anymore, he'd rather try to love her than never be married.

M agreed and pointed out that he wanted a family and felt that it was the most financially responsible choice.

We ended up having to agree to disagree, but the whole conversation just blew my mind.  Because while A and I, the women at the table, were thinking of love and soul mates when making our choice, M and C were thinking of marriage certificates and financial stability.

So, I ask you... Is it better to hold out for something better or settle?

What would you rather do?

Love,
Tara