Sunday, January 24, 2010
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Saturday, January 2, 2010
My Anti-Resolutions
Saturday, January 2, 2009
12:11 am Happy New Year!
The holidays are over. I’m back from vacation and ready to start the next chapter of my life. And because a new chapter means a new blog, this will be my last post on “Starting Now.” You should probably grab your tissue boxes now. Also your reading glasses. This one’s a doozy.
A new year always calls for a moment of reflection, as well as a moment to plan for what we will do differently in the new year. When I think back to the jobless, confused post-grad girl I was in May when I started this blog, I’m shocked… not by how much is different, but by how much is the same. I mean this in a good way. Sure, a lot of things have changed. After applying to tons and tons of jobs and interviewing everywhere and getting rejected time and time again, I have a job. Not just a job… I have my dream job. And I’m moving to NYC in two weeks to start that new job and my new life. In many ways I would give anything to be able to go back to the crying, frustrated, disheartened girl I was this summer and tell her that, “It’s true! It really is all going to be okay!” But at the same time, the past seven months have been an incredible growing experience. I think it is in the times when we have lost almost all hope, that we have the most to gain.
Of course, it is easy to say all this now that I have some idea of how I’ll be spending the next year of my life. I know all too well how annoying it is to have condescending friends who’ve had jobs since they graduated, pat you on the shoulder and say, “It’ll all work out. You’ll look back on this time and wish you’d appreciated it more.” So, I’m not going to say that. But, as per usual, what I’d like to say has already been said (better) by someone else. So, to my friends who are feeling just as confused and disappointed as I was not too long ago at all, I hope you’ll find some comfort in this Storypeople quote (it hangs over my bed):
I’m not saying there aren’t things I want to improve upon: My posture is still less than perfect, and I’d like to be a more diligent flosser after the blood bath that was my last dentist appointment. And, all joking aside, I have set some real, personal goals for myself that I won’t go into here. But in order to change what you’ve been doing wrong, I think you should embrace what you’ve been doing right… and then work to continue doing just that.
So here they are – my “Anti-Resolutions”: A list of things I’ve accomplished this year that I hope won’t change a bit.
1.) Maintain a Low Bullshit Tolerance
Unlike my tolerance for tequila, which sky-rocketed after a semester in Spain, my BS tolerance hit a new low this year, after years of putting up with too much. I finally got tired of giving great advice to all of my girlfriends about their love lives and friendships (“Lose the loser!”, “You deserve a better friend than that!”), and being unable to take my own advice. Wasn’t I just blogging about not talking the talk if you can’t walk to walk? It’s easy to tell a friend to get out of a negative, emotionally-draining relationship… but actually doing it can prove to be much harder. And 2009 didn’t start out any differently. In fact, even though I declared to my college roommate, Maria, that 2009 would be the “Year of No Men” in the hopes that I would avoid the BS altogether (it should be noted that the “Year of No Men” drew a sharp contrast to 2008, the year which Maria and I declared the “Year of One Thousand Men”), I still had plenty of “man” issues to deal with. I’ve learned that one cannot (and should not) avoid men completely (they’ll find you… trust me) in order to avoid hurt feelings. I think you just need to be diligent about protecting those feelings. And this is hard because you’re dating a guy and he’s really great and you totally connect and you’ve got all these happy hormones surging and you’re dancing around your room every time he texts you… and then he does something wrong. Maybe he doesn’t call you back like he said he would. Or maybe he breaks off plans with you at the last minute. You know what I’m talking about. It’s a small infraction that is easily explained away (His cell phone battery died! He got stuck at work!), but a tiny alarm bell goes off in your mind. And maybe he’s the greatest guy in the world and everything else in the relationship goes perfectly and that one time was just a fluke and that alarm bell is eventually silenced. But for most of us, unfortunately, alarm bells will just mean more alarm bells. If he’s not calling you like he said he would, if he’s not asking you out, if he’s not keeping is word… it means he doesn’t respect your time, he’s not interested, and he’s okay with disappointing you. And that SUCKS! Because he was totally flirting with you and he seemed totally interested and it’s hard to admit to ourselves that maybe we were feeling something that wasn’t there. Or isn’t there anymore. It’s embarrassing and upsetting to realize maybe we’ve misjudged. But when a relationship (and this absolutely goes for friendships too) is making you feel more bad than good, you owe it to yourself to get out. As my wise friend, Lauren, once told me (sorry, Grandma), “You deserve the motherfucking best.” Indeed.
2.) Lose the Timetable
This is a more recent change, because I think it was just this past October that I was blogging about how I’d like my life to go for the next twenty years. But I’ve ditched the timetable. Seriously. I know this is hard to believe coming from a neurotic who takes pleasure in making lists and penciling appointments into her Vera Bradley day-planner, but the past seven months have proven to me that you can’t (and shouldn’t) plan for everything. Minds change. Especially mine! I made that timetable three months ago, and there are already so many things I’d like to change. I still think it’s good to have broad, long-term goals (I’d still like to write a book!), but you can’t let those goals limit you. I’m not going to die if I don’t meet a husband and pop out four kids before I’m 35. I might not meet the man of my dreams until I’m 60! Why should I feel disappointed in myself for not accomplishing something by a certain age that I have no control over? I made that timetable in the hopes of feeling some kind of control over my life, which, at the time, seemed totally out of control. But there’s nothing like making a plan, only to watch everything change. I’m not going to limit myself anymore.
3.) Stay Brave
When I worked for the Office of Orientation in the summer of 2007, all of the summer staff had to anonymously write an adjective that we thought described each of our co-workers. At the end of the summer we got a framed picture of our name, with all of the adjectives written inside. Needless to say, this was an incredibly moving gift - everybody likes to hear nice things about themselves. But while there were so many nice adjectives that people used to describe me, one stuck out. Someone had written that I was “brave.” I had never thought of myself that way before, but I really liked that someone else had! And after that, I started to notice all the brave things I did… and felt proud! I don’t know why it hadn’t occurred to me that doing Olive’s “Super Freak” dance from “Little Miss Sunshine” in front of BU’s entire incoming freshman class might be considered a brave thing to do... Maybe sometimes it takes other people to point out our better qualities.
In 2010 I want to continue to live up to the word "brave." I’ve come to love the rush I get from being completely scared of something and doing it anyway. And like I’ve blogged before, it’s only when I push past that almost paralyzing fear that I’ve accomplished the things I’m most proud of. And perhaps the greatest reward is being able to tell yourself, “You did good.”
There are more things I could list, but this blog is getting long, so I’ll try to wrap it up. Along with the list above, in 2010 I’m going to continue to try to embrace change. I think this is something I’ll always struggle with (blame my astrological sign), but I’m working on it. And as always, I’m going to continue to demand more from the universe! As I blogged in my first blog (and probably every blog since then), I continue to learn what my Aunt Robbi meant when she gave me that advice - what it means to not simply take what is handed to me, but to go out and search for something better. At first I thought I had to angrily demand more from the universe - I literally would picture myself yelling at the sky. Eventually I came to a place where I thought of the universe as a kind of sly car salesman – not someone you would yell at, but not someone you would trust either. Then, I started thinking of the universe as a lazy house-elf (oh yes, I did just make a Harry Potter reference) who doesn’t want to do his chores so you have to stand over him and tell him specifically what you want done. But now I’m starting to see the universe less as something negative I need to argue with and fight to control, and more as a force that wants to work with me and is waiting to give me all that I want to demand from myself and my life. I haven’t figured out the metaphor for this new view yet, but I’m working on it. Whatever it is, it’s a positive thing.
So, in the new year, these are all the things I will try to remember as I venture out into adulthood. And of course, I’ll still write (and whine and complain) about it all on a blog. I’ll post that address here once it’s all set up.
But finally and most importantly, I’m going to love me just the way I am! (Good Lord, that was so corny I gagged… wait, I’m supposed to be practicing self-love… this is going to be harder than I thought…) Yes, there are still things about myself that I find less than perfect (gasp!) and need to work on: I still get mad at myself when I take things too personally, I wish I didn’t worry so much, and I hate myself when I get jealous. But all those things I don’t like about myself are part of what makes me, Me: emotional, thoughtful, and maybe a little bit crazy. When I put it that way, it doesn’t sound so bad.
It is now 2 am on Saturday, January 2, 2010. It’s only fitting that I’m writing my resolutions a day too late because 1.) I’m always running late, and 2.) I’m always running late with my resolutions. Last year, I don’t think I wrote them at all. Two years ago, I wrote them on February 1. But I like that! Because I think when you decide you want to make a change in your life, or simply want to give yourself props for all the things you’ve done right, you shouldn’t wait for a special day. Or a special sign. And if I ever do feel like I need a sign, I hope I’ll remember this blog post, because here it is:
STOP WAITING FOR SIGNS. LIVE THE LIFE YOU HAVE IMAGINED. JUST DO IT.
And I will do it. Starting…
Now.
Love always,
La Viajera
12:11 am Happy New Year!
The holidays are over. I’m back from vacation and ready to start the next chapter of my life. And because a new chapter means a new blog, this will be my last post on “Starting Now.” You should probably grab your tissue boxes now. Also your reading glasses. This one’s a doozy.
A new year always calls for a moment of reflection, as well as a moment to plan for what we will do differently in the new year. When I think back to the jobless, confused post-grad girl I was in May when I started this blog, I’m shocked… not by how much is different, but by how much is the same. I mean this in a good way. Sure, a lot of things have changed. After applying to tons and tons of jobs and interviewing everywhere and getting rejected time and time again, I have a job. Not just a job… I have my dream job. And I’m moving to NYC in two weeks to start that new job and my new life. In many ways I would give anything to be able to go back to the crying, frustrated, disheartened girl I was this summer and tell her that, “It’s true! It really is all going to be okay!” But at the same time, the past seven months have been an incredible growing experience. I think it is in the times when we have lost almost all hope, that we have the most to gain.
Of course, it is easy to say all this now that I have some idea of how I’ll be spending the next year of my life. I know all too well how annoying it is to have condescending friends who’ve had jobs since they graduated, pat you on the shoulder and say, “It’ll all work out. You’ll look back on this time and wish you’d appreciated it more.” So, I’m not going to say that. But, as per usual, what I’d like to say has already been said (better) by someone else. So, to my friends who are feeling just as confused and disappointed as I was not too long ago at all, I hope you’ll find some comfort in this Storypeople quote (it hangs over my bed):
“I don’t know how long I can do this, he said. I think the universe has different plans for me & we sat there in silence & I thought to myself that this is the thing we all come to & this is the thing we all fight & if we are lucky enough to lose, our lives become beautiful with mystery again & I sat there silent because that is not something that can be said.” – Different Plans, StorypeopleI was remarking on how much is the same, and I’d like to go into that a little bit more because while it’s the time of year when most people are thinking about what they’d like to change about themselves, I think it’s important to acknowledge the changes you’ve already made and want to continue. Sometimes you try things and they don’t work out (ex. acrylic nails, certain ex-boyfriends, a hair color called “Cinnaberry” …okay, maybe those examples only apply to me), but when you’re doing something right (and you ARE doing something right), why not celebrate it?!
I’m not saying there aren’t things I want to improve upon: My posture is still less than perfect, and I’d like to be a more diligent flosser after the blood bath that was my last dentist appointment. And, all joking aside, I have set some real, personal goals for myself that I won’t go into here. But in order to change what you’ve been doing wrong, I think you should embrace what you’ve been doing right… and then work to continue doing just that.
So here they are – my “Anti-Resolutions”: A list of things I’ve accomplished this year that I hope won’t change a bit.
1.) Maintain a Low Bullshit Tolerance
Unlike my tolerance for tequila, which sky-rocketed after a semester in Spain, my BS tolerance hit a new low this year, after years of putting up with too much. I finally got tired of giving great advice to all of my girlfriends about their love lives and friendships (“Lose the loser!”, “You deserve a better friend than that!”), and being unable to take my own advice. Wasn’t I just blogging about not talking the talk if you can’t walk to walk? It’s easy to tell a friend to get out of a negative, emotionally-draining relationship… but actually doing it can prove to be much harder. And 2009 didn’t start out any differently. In fact, even though I declared to my college roommate, Maria, that 2009 would be the “Year of No Men” in the hopes that I would avoid the BS altogether (it should be noted that the “Year of No Men” drew a sharp contrast to 2008, the year which Maria and I declared the “Year of One Thousand Men”), I still had plenty of “man” issues to deal with. I’ve learned that one cannot (and should not) avoid men completely (they’ll find you… trust me) in order to avoid hurt feelings. I think you just need to be diligent about protecting those feelings. And this is hard because you’re dating a guy and he’s really great and you totally connect and you’ve got all these happy hormones surging and you’re dancing around your room every time he texts you… and then he does something wrong. Maybe he doesn’t call you back like he said he would. Or maybe he breaks off plans with you at the last minute. You know what I’m talking about. It’s a small infraction that is easily explained away (His cell phone battery died! He got stuck at work!), but a tiny alarm bell goes off in your mind. And maybe he’s the greatest guy in the world and everything else in the relationship goes perfectly and that one time was just a fluke and that alarm bell is eventually silenced. But for most of us, unfortunately, alarm bells will just mean more alarm bells. If he’s not calling you like he said he would, if he’s not asking you out, if he’s not keeping is word… it means he doesn’t respect your time, he’s not interested, and he’s okay with disappointing you. And that SUCKS! Because he was totally flirting with you and he seemed totally interested and it’s hard to admit to ourselves that maybe we were feeling something that wasn’t there. Or isn’t there anymore. It’s embarrassing and upsetting to realize maybe we’ve misjudged. But when a relationship (and this absolutely goes for friendships too) is making you feel more bad than good, you owe it to yourself to get out. As my wise friend, Lauren, once told me (sorry, Grandma), “You deserve the motherfucking best.” Indeed.
2.) Lose the Timetable
This is a more recent change, because I think it was just this past October that I was blogging about how I’d like my life to go for the next twenty years. But I’ve ditched the timetable. Seriously. I know this is hard to believe coming from a neurotic who takes pleasure in making lists and penciling appointments into her Vera Bradley day-planner, but the past seven months have proven to me that you can’t (and shouldn’t) plan for everything. Minds change. Especially mine! I made that timetable three months ago, and there are already so many things I’d like to change. I still think it’s good to have broad, long-term goals (I’d still like to write a book!), but you can’t let those goals limit you. I’m not going to die if I don’t meet a husband and pop out four kids before I’m 35. I might not meet the man of my dreams until I’m 60! Why should I feel disappointed in myself for not accomplishing something by a certain age that I have no control over? I made that timetable in the hopes of feeling some kind of control over my life, which, at the time, seemed totally out of control. But there’s nothing like making a plan, only to watch everything change. I’m not going to limit myself anymore.
3.) Stay Brave
When I worked for the Office of Orientation in the summer of 2007, all of the summer staff had to anonymously write an adjective that we thought described each of our co-workers. At the end of the summer we got a framed picture of our name, with all of the adjectives written inside. Needless to say, this was an incredibly moving gift - everybody likes to hear nice things about themselves. But while there were so many nice adjectives that people used to describe me, one stuck out. Someone had written that I was “brave.” I had never thought of myself that way before, but I really liked that someone else had! And after that, I started to notice all the brave things I did… and felt proud! I don’t know why it hadn’t occurred to me that doing Olive’s “Super Freak” dance from “Little Miss Sunshine” in front of BU’s entire incoming freshman class might be considered a brave thing to do... Maybe sometimes it takes other people to point out our better qualities.
In 2010 I want to continue to live up to the word "brave." I’ve come to love the rush I get from being completely scared of something and doing it anyway. And like I’ve blogged before, it’s only when I push past that almost paralyzing fear that I’ve accomplished the things I’m most proud of. And perhaps the greatest reward is being able to tell yourself, “You did good.”
There are more things I could list, but this blog is getting long, so I’ll try to wrap it up. Along with the list above, in 2010 I’m going to continue to try to embrace change. I think this is something I’ll always struggle with (blame my astrological sign), but I’m working on it. And as always, I’m going to continue to demand more from the universe! As I blogged in my first blog (and probably every blog since then), I continue to learn what my Aunt Robbi meant when she gave me that advice - what it means to not simply take what is handed to me, but to go out and search for something better. At first I thought I had to angrily demand more from the universe - I literally would picture myself yelling at the sky. Eventually I came to a place where I thought of the universe as a kind of sly car salesman – not someone you would yell at, but not someone you would trust either. Then, I started thinking of the universe as a lazy house-elf (oh yes, I did just make a Harry Potter reference) who doesn’t want to do his chores so you have to stand over him and tell him specifically what you want done. But now I’m starting to see the universe less as something negative I need to argue with and fight to control, and more as a force that wants to work with me and is waiting to give me all that I want to demand from myself and my life. I haven’t figured out the metaphor for this new view yet, but I’m working on it. Whatever it is, it’s a positive thing.
So, in the new year, these are all the things I will try to remember as I venture out into adulthood. And of course, I’ll still write (and whine and complain) about it all on a blog. I’ll post that address here once it’s all set up.
But finally and most importantly, I’m going to love me just the way I am! (Good Lord, that was so corny I gagged… wait, I’m supposed to be practicing self-love… this is going to be harder than I thought…) Yes, there are still things about myself that I find less than perfect (gasp!) and need to work on: I still get mad at myself when I take things too personally, I wish I didn’t worry so much, and I hate myself when I get jealous. But all those things I don’t like about myself are part of what makes me, Me: emotional, thoughtful, and maybe a little bit crazy. When I put it that way, it doesn’t sound so bad.
It is now 2 am on Saturday, January 2, 2010. It’s only fitting that I’m writing my resolutions a day too late because 1.) I’m always running late, and 2.) I’m always running late with my resolutions. Last year, I don’t think I wrote them at all. Two years ago, I wrote them on February 1. But I like that! Because I think when you decide you want to make a change in your life, or simply want to give yourself props for all the things you’ve done right, you shouldn’t wait for a special day. Or a special sign. And if I ever do feel like I need a sign, I hope I’ll remember this blog post, because here it is:
STOP WAITING FOR SIGNS. LIVE THE LIFE YOU HAVE IMAGINED. JUST DO IT.
And I will do it. Starting…
Now.
Love always,
La Viajera
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
"Smiling's my favorite."
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
9:16 pm <3
Best Moment of the Weekend: Watching my mom smile as she watched my dad smiling at something on tv.
It made me smile. :)
Love,
Tara
9:16 pm <3
Best Moment of the Weekend: Watching my mom smile as she watched my dad smiling at something on tv.
It made me smile. :)
Love,
Tara
Monday, December 21, 2009
A Toy Store Story
Monday, December 21, 2009
10:44 am My favorite week of the year…
It’s Christmastime at a local toy store. Young employees in black aprons (all female) rush around the crowded store, juggling piles of boxes, picking up toys, and helping customers. Little children chase each other through the aisles, knocking over toys and dodging their hassled-looking mothers. The store is noisy with the sounds of shrieking children, gossiping mothers, and the constant ‘SHHHHHHCCK’ of wrapping paper being torn from the metal reams.
The phone rings. Tara is on her hands and knees in the middle of the toy store, attempting the wrap a giant pink doll house. The phone rings again. Tara blows her hair out of her face and looks around to see if anyone is going to answer it. It rings again. Swearing under her breath, Tara jogs across the floor to grab the phone.
“[Insert store name here],” Tara says, with a sigh.
“Do you sell Webkinz?” a little girl asks timidly through the phone.
Tara softens a little. She is less annoyed now that she’s talking to a little kid.
“Yes we do!” she says, smiling into the phone.
“Okay,” says the little voice.
“Did you want a special kind? I can tell you which ones we have,” Tara offers.
The customer for whom Tara was wrapping the giant pink doll house approaches the counter, looking at her impatiently. Tara gives the woman a big smile and turns away, rolling her eyes. She’d rather talk to this little girl.
“No, that’s okay,” says the little voice.
“Oh, okay,” says Tara, a little disappointed. “Well, have a good d- ”
“Are you wearing earrings?” the little voice asks suddenly.
"I'm sorry?"
"Are you wearing earrings?" the little voice repeats.
“Uh- Yes…” replies Tara, reaching up to feel the large, silver plate dangling from her left ear.
“I saw you when I was there with my mom this morning. I really like your earrings.”
“Oh!” exclaims Tara, quite touched. “Well, thank you! I- ”
“Okay, bye,” says the little voice.
“Oh. Bye!” says Tara.
Tara hits the “Off” button on the phone with a beep, and stands, looking at the phone for a moment. Then, ignoring the doll house lady who is now glaring at her, returns to the half-finished doll house, smiling to herself as she wraps.
Love,
Tara
10:44 am My favorite week of the year…
It’s Christmastime at a local toy store. Young employees in black aprons (all female) rush around the crowded store, juggling piles of boxes, picking up toys, and helping customers. Little children chase each other through the aisles, knocking over toys and dodging their hassled-looking mothers. The store is noisy with the sounds of shrieking children, gossiping mothers, and the constant ‘SHHHHHHCCK’ of wrapping paper being torn from the metal reams.
The phone rings. Tara is on her hands and knees in the middle of the toy store, attempting the wrap a giant pink doll house. The phone rings again. Tara blows her hair out of her face and looks around to see if anyone is going to answer it. It rings again. Swearing under her breath, Tara jogs across the floor to grab the phone.
“[Insert store name here],” Tara says, with a sigh.
“Do you sell Webkinz?” a little girl asks timidly through the phone.
Tara softens a little. She is less annoyed now that she’s talking to a little kid.
“Yes we do!” she says, smiling into the phone.
“Okay,” says the little voice.
“Did you want a special kind? I can tell you which ones we have,” Tara offers.
The customer for whom Tara was wrapping the giant pink doll house approaches the counter, looking at her impatiently. Tara gives the woman a big smile and turns away, rolling her eyes. She’d rather talk to this little girl.
“No, that’s okay,” says the little voice.
“Oh, okay,” says Tara, a little disappointed. “Well, have a good d- ”
“Are you wearing earrings?” the little voice asks suddenly.
"I'm sorry?"
"Are you wearing earrings?" the little voice repeats.
“Uh- Yes…” replies Tara, reaching up to feel the large, silver plate dangling from her left ear.
“I saw you when I was there with my mom this morning. I really like your earrings.”
“Oh!” exclaims Tara, quite touched. “Well, thank you! I- ”
“Okay, bye,” says the little voice.
“Oh. Bye!” says Tara.
Tara hits the “Off” button on the phone with a beep, and stands, looking at the phone for a moment. Then, ignoring the doll house lady who is now glaring at her, returns to the half-finished doll house, smiling to herself as she wraps.
Love,
Tara
Monday, December 14, 2009
Moras About Me
Monday, December 14, 2009
9:49 pm lkdjfsalk.
Ever since Kaitlyn had to write a haiku for her NYU application, I've been thinking about my life in phrases of 5/7/5 syllables. If you know me at all, you know I'm a poet in every sense of the word: I'm amazing at acrostics, can rhyme on a dime (...), and have been known to rap occasionally (this may or may not have been caught on video a time or two). Now, allow me to prove my haiku skillz (everyone knows you get automatic street cred if you spell that with a 'z'), with a post about my day, in haikus. Your Mind = Blown.
Early morning:
Early morning run
Why do I torture myself?
To hear myself think
Morning:
My job makes me laugh
I will write a book someday
Ring, wrap and repeat
Afternoon:
Glastonbury mom
Your sad life is not my fault
Wrap your own damn gifts
Late Afternoon:
Lines at post office
Christmas carols on a loop
Love/hate December
Evening:
No one is home yet
Turn on all the Christmas lights
Wait and watch the door
Night:
Shop online and blog
Scour Craigslist for sane roommate
Hope the Celtics win
Late Night:
Made a wish last night
On a shooting star, from bed
It was worth a shot
Love,
Tara
9:49 pm lkdjfsalk.
Ever since Kaitlyn had to write a haiku for her NYU application, I've been thinking about my life in phrases of 5/7/5 syllables. If you know me at all, you know I'm a poet in every sense of the word: I'm amazing at acrostics, can rhyme on a dime (...), and have been known to rap occasionally (this may or may not have been caught on video a time or two). Now, allow me to prove my haiku skillz (everyone knows you get automatic street cred if you spell that with a 'z'), with a post about my day, in haikus. Your Mind = Blown.
Early morning:
Early morning run
Why do I torture myself?
To hear myself think
Morning:
My job makes me laugh
I will write a book someday
Ring, wrap and repeat
Afternoon:
Glastonbury mom
Your sad life is not my fault
Wrap your own damn gifts
Late Afternoon:
Lines at post office
Christmas carols on a loop
Love/hate December
Evening:
No one is home yet
Turn on all the Christmas lights
Wait and watch the door
Night:
Shop online and blog
Scour Craigslist for sane roommate
Hope the Celtics win
Late Night:
Made a wish last night
On a shooting star, from bed
It was worth a shot
Love,
Tara
Sunday, December 13, 2009
"It's The Most Wonderful Time of the Year"
Sunday, December 13, 2009
8:44 pm I know, I know...
Okay, I've been a bad little blogger lately. But before I remedy that, I need to provide you with this REALLY important post: Tara's Holiday Viewing Guide 2009. You've been begging me for it for weeks (and by 'you' I mean Kaitlyn and Mom), so here it is. Enjoy :)
Sunday, December 13
- White Christmas 8 pm AMC
- Elf 9 pm USA
Monday, December 14
- White Christmas 1 am AMC
- Elf 11:05 pm USA
Tuesday, December 15
- Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer 7 pm ABCFAM
- *Charlie Brown Christmas 8 pm ABC
- Elf 9 pm USA
Wednesday, December 16
- How the Grinch Stole Christmas 8 pm Toon
Thursday, December 17
- Saturday Night Live Christmas 2009 8 pm NBC
- How the Grinch Stole Christmas 9 pm Toon
Friday, December 18
- Elf 7 pm USA
- The Santa Clause 7 pm Disney
- *Frosty the Snowman 8 pm CBS
Saturday, December 19
- The Holiday 12 am TBS
- The Santa Claus 12 pm Disney
- *The Holiday 12:45 pm TBS
- Elf 8 pm CBS
- *Muppets Christmas: Letters to Santa 8 pm NBC
- The Family Stone 10 pm FX
Sunday, December 20
- The Family Stone 7 pm FX
- How the Grinch Stole Christmas 9 pm Toon
Monday, December 21
- How the Grinch Stole Christmas 9 pm Toon
- The Polar Express 8 pm Disney
Tuesday, December 22
- The Polar Express 12 pm Disney
- Home Alone 8 pm FX
- How the Grinch Stole Christmas 8:30 pm Toon
- Home Alone 10 pm FX
Wednesday, December 23
- Miracle on 34th Street 7:30 pm ABCFAM
- *How the Grinch Stole Christmas 8 pm ABC
- *The Polar Express 10 pm ABCFAM
Thursday, December 24
- White Christmas 9 am AMC
- White Christmas 11:45 am AMC
- White Christmas 2:30 pm AMC
- *Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer 3:30 pm ABCFAM
- *The Santa Clause 4 pm Disney
- White Christmas 5:15 pm AMC
- *It’s A Wonderful Life 8 pm NBC
- *Santa Claus Is Comin’ to Town 8 pm ABCFAM
- White Christmas 8 pm AMC
- *Year without a Santa Claus 9 pm ABCFAM
- White Christmas 10:45 pm AMC
Friday, December 25
- *White Christmas 1:30 am AMC
- *Miracle on 34th Street (1994) 4 pm ABCFAM
- *Home Alone 7:30 pm FX
- Elf 8 pm USA
- *Elf 9:28 pm USA
- *The Family Stone 11:30 pm FX
- *A Christmas Story 24-hour Marathon TBS
* denotes the last time you can catch this special on television.
The following movies will not be on television this season, but you should really already own them on DVD to make your holiday viewing complete. If you don't own them, I do, so we can watch them together :-)
- A Muppet Christmas Carol
- A Muppet Family Christmas
- Dr. Seuss' How the Grinch Stole Christmas (the movie)
- Love Actually
- It's a Very Merry Muppet Christmas Movie
- The Christmas Toy
- Miracle on 34th Street (1947)
Love,
Tara
8:44 pm I know, I know...
Okay, I've been a bad little blogger lately. But before I remedy that, I need to provide you with this REALLY important post: Tara's Holiday Viewing Guide 2009. You've been begging me for it for weeks (and by 'you' I mean Kaitlyn and Mom), so here it is. Enjoy :)
Sunday, December 13
- White Christmas 8 pm AMC
- Elf 9 pm USA
Monday, December 14
- White Christmas 1 am AMC
- Elf 11:05 pm USA
Tuesday, December 15
- Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer 7 pm ABCFAM
- *Charlie Brown Christmas 8 pm ABC
- Elf 9 pm USA
Wednesday, December 16
- How the Grinch Stole Christmas 8 pm Toon
Thursday, December 17
- Saturday Night Live Christmas 2009 8 pm NBC
- How the Grinch Stole Christmas 9 pm Toon
Friday, December 18
- Elf 7 pm USA
- The Santa Clause 7 pm Disney
- *Frosty the Snowman 8 pm CBS
Saturday, December 19
- The Holiday 12 am TBS
- The Santa Claus 12 pm Disney
- *The Holiday 12:45 pm TBS
- Elf 8 pm CBS
- *Muppets Christmas: Letters to Santa 8 pm NBC
- The Family Stone 10 pm FX
Sunday, December 20
- The Family Stone 7 pm FX
- How the Grinch Stole Christmas 9 pm Toon
Monday, December 21
- How the Grinch Stole Christmas 9 pm Toon
- The Polar Express 8 pm Disney
Tuesday, December 22
- The Polar Express 12 pm Disney
- Home Alone 8 pm FX
- How the Grinch Stole Christmas 8:30 pm Toon
- Home Alone 10 pm FX
Wednesday, December 23
- Miracle on 34th Street 7:30 pm ABCFAM
- *How the Grinch Stole Christmas 8 pm ABC
- *The Polar Express 10 pm ABCFAM
Thursday, December 24
- White Christmas 9 am AMC
- White Christmas 11:45 am AMC
- White Christmas 2:30 pm AMC
- *Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer 3:30 pm ABCFAM
- *The Santa Clause 4 pm Disney
- White Christmas 5:15 pm AMC
- *It’s A Wonderful Life 8 pm NBC
- *Santa Claus Is Comin’ to Town 8 pm ABCFAM
- White Christmas 8 pm AMC
- *Year without a Santa Claus 9 pm ABCFAM
- White Christmas 10:45 pm AMC
Friday, December 25
- *White Christmas 1:30 am AMC
- *Miracle on 34th Street (1994) 4 pm ABCFAM
- *Home Alone 7:30 pm FX
- Elf 8 pm USA
- *Elf 9:28 pm USA
- *The Family Stone 11:30 pm FX
- *A Christmas Story 24-hour Marathon TBS
* denotes the last time you can catch this special on television.
The following movies will not be on television this season, but you should really already own them on DVD to make your holiday viewing complete. If you don't own them, I do, so we can watch them together :-)
- A Muppet Christmas Carol
- A Muppet Family Christmas
- Dr. Seuss' How the Grinch Stole Christmas (the movie)
- Love Actually
- It's a Very Merry Muppet Christmas Movie
- The Christmas Toy
- Miracle on 34th Street (1947)
Love,
Tara
Monday, December 7, 2009
My Quote of the Week
Monday, December 7, 2009
9:25 PM Blerg.
Taking a page out of Jason's blog, over at Pop Culture, Politics And Everything Between, I wanted to start my own Quote of the Week! This one comes from a surprisingly touching moment during an episode of 'The Office,' which I just saw for the 44th time tonight. I always get goosebumps when Jim says this to a crying Dwight...
"Did I ever tell you why I left Scranton? Yeah, I didn’t think I had. Well, it was about Pam. I mean she was with Roy, and I just couldn’t take it. I mean, I lost it, Dwight. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t concentrate on anything. Even weird stuff like… food had no taste. So, my solution was to move away. It was awful. And that is something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. And that includes you."
- Jim Halpert (Season 4, Episode 4: "Money")
Love,
Tara
9:25 PM Blerg.
Taking a page out of Jason's blog, over at Pop Culture, Politics And Everything Between, I wanted to start my own Quote of the Week! This one comes from a surprisingly touching moment during an episode of 'The Office,' which I just saw for the 44th time tonight. I always get goosebumps when Jim says this to a crying Dwight...
"Did I ever tell you why I left Scranton? Yeah, I didn’t think I had. Well, it was about Pam. I mean she was with Roy, and I just couldn’t take it. I mean, I lost it, Dwight. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t concentrate on anything. Even weird stuff like… food had no taste. So, my solution was to move away. It was awful. And that is something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. And that includes you."
- Jim Halpert (Season 4, Episode 4: "Money")
Love,
Tara
Sunday, November 29, 2009
The Sound of Settling
Sunday, November 29, 2009
6:44 pm Giving thanks.
Thanksgiving "break" '09 was pretty fantastic. This is mostly due to the fact that, with all of my friends home for a few days, I could pretend to have a social life. Each night spent catching up with my Gbury friends made me even more thankful that they're a part of my life. It's no wonder we've all remained friends for this long.
Anyway, since talking is what we're best at, it is really no big surprise that the conversation between A, C, M, and I last night (using first initials is my attempt to protect the innocent) ended up giving me more insight into the universal differences between men and women. The four of us were at Plan B when we started throwing around "would you rathers." To preface, A and C are dating, which made for a nice double-date-like situation, except M is one of my oldest friends, and if we ever actually dated we'd probably kill each other. Nevertheless, when A and C started kissing, M turned and propositioned me with an, "Okay, Tara. Let's do this. Put the beer bottle down." It was really romantic.
The "would you rathers" didn't start right away. We eased into it by starting off with a few rounds of "Cliff." For those who are unfamiliar, Cliff is a game in which person A gives person B three names, and person B then has to decide which of those names they would a.) sleep with and never see again b.) marry but never sleep with and c.) push off a Cliff. As you can imagine, this is a bit of a dangerous game to play, but when you throw in drinking...well, it's a great way to offend someone really quickly, especially if you're listing names of people you're sitting with. Luckily, M said he would marry me when it was his turn to choose, though that may have been because he was sitting right next to me, and if he cliffed me I wouldn't have hesitated to punch him.
So, Cliff turned to Would You Rather, with A leading the way by asking all sorts of humdingers (Would you rather be deaf or mute? Would you rather have ridiculous body hair or nails that grow really fast?). We were all laughing and justifying our choices when she hit us with the big one: Would you rather have to marry the first person you ever loved or never get married?
The table fell silent for a moment, and then A and I said, simultaneously...
"I'd rather never get married."
This statement was followed by the two of us talking over each other with a lot of Oh my God I could nevers and I would sooner kill myselfs, when we realized the boys weren't chiming in.
This was because they would rather marry the first person they ever loved than never get married.
A and I were incredulous.
You can have meaningful, long-term relationships and never get married, we pointed out.
They shrugged.
You'd be passing up the chance to spend your life with your soul mate just to have the label of "married," we explained.
They shrugged again.
Why???
C explained that though he doesn't talk to the first girl he ever loved anymore, he'd rather try to love her than never be married.
M agreed and pointed out that he wanted a family and felt that it was the most financially responsible choice.
We ended up having to agree to disagree, but the whole conversation just blew my mind. Because while A and I, the women at the table, were thinking of love and soul mates when making our choice, M and C were thinking of marriage certificates and financial stability.
So, I ask you... Is it better to hold out for something better or settle?
What would you rather do?
Love,
Tara
6:44 pm Giving thanks.
Thanksgiving "break" '09 was pretty fantastic. This is mostly due to the fact that, with all of my friends home for a few days, I could pretend to have a social life. Each night spent catching up with my Gbury friends made me even more thankful that they're a part of my life. It's no wonder we've all remained friends for this long.
Anyway, since talking is what we're best at, it is really no big surprise that the conversation between A, C, M, and I last night (using first initials is my attempt to protect the innocent) ended up giving me more insight into the universal differences between men and women. The four of us were at Plan B when we started throwing around "would you rathers." To preface, A and C are dating, which made for a nice double-date-like situation, except M is one of my oldest friends, and if we ever actually dated we'd probably kill each other. Nevertheless, when A and C started kissing, M turned and propositioned me with an, "Okay, Tara. Let's do this. Put the beer bottle down." It was really romantic.
The "would you rathers" didn't start right away. We eased into it by starting off with a few rounds of "Cliff." For those who are unfamiliar, Cliff is a game in which person A gives person B three names, and person B then has to decide which of those names they would a.) sleep with and never see again b.) marry but never sleep with and c.) push off a Cliff. As you can imagine, this is a bit of a dangerous game to play, but when you throw in drinking...well, it's a great way to offend someone really quickly, especially if you're listing names of people you're sitting with. Luckily, M said he would marry me when it was his turn to choose, though that may have been because he was sitting right next to me, and if he cliffed me I wouldn't have hesitated to punch him.
So, Cliff turned to Would You Rather, with A leading the way by asking all sorts of humdingers (Would you rather be deaf or mute? Would you rather have ridiculous body hair or nails that grow really fast?). We were all laughing and justifying our choices when she hit us with the big one: Would you rather have to marry the first person you ever loved or never get married?
The table fell silent for a moment, and then A and I said, simultaneously...
"I'd rather never get married."
This statement was followed by the two of us talking over each other with a lot of Oh my God I could nevers and I would sooner kill myselfs, when we realized the boys weren't chiming in.
This was because they would rather marry the first person they ever loved than never get married.
A and I were incredulous.
You can have meaningful, long-term relationships and never get married, we pointed out.
They shrugged.
You'd be passing up the chance to spend your life with your soul mate just to have the label of "married," we explained.
They shrugged again.
Why???
C explained that though he doesn't talk to the first girl he ever loved anymore, he'd rather try to love her than never be married.
M agreed and pointed out that he wanted a family and felt that it was the most financially responsible choice.
We ended up having to agree to disagree, but the whole conversation just blew my mind. Because while A and I, the women at the table, were thinking of love and soul mates when making our choice, M and C were thinking of marriage certificates and financial stability.
So, I ask you... Is it better to hold out for something better or settle?
What would you rather do?
Love,
Tara
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Are You Not Entertained?
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
3:48 PM Happy Thanksgiving Eve!
Conversations with My Father, Part II
It's a dark November evening at the Gorman household. Tara has just arrived home after a grueling commute from Westport, where she had a grueling day of work. Nevertheless, her ever present cheery disposition shines through as her sister, Stephanie, and her father talk about how they spent the day preparing the house for Thanksgiving.
Stephanie: When Dad and I went to the liquor store we ran into Kristina.
Tara: No way! That's cool. What did you guys get at the liquor store?
(Tara glances at the wine rack.)
Tara: Whoa! You guys stocked up!
Dad: Yes, I've decided we're going to let Tara drink as much as she wants on Thanksgiving.
(Stephanie and Tara turn to look at their father. Stephanie is puzzled. Tara is surprised and delighted.)
Dad: She's going to be the entertainment.
Love,
Tara
3:48 PM Happy Thanksgiving Eve!
Conversations with My Father, Part II
It's a dark November evening at the Gorman household. Tara has just arrived home after a grueling commute from Westport, where she had a grueling day of work. Nevertheless, her ever present cheery disposition shines through as her sister, Stephanie, and her father talk about how they spent the day preparing the house for Thanksgiving.
Stephanie: When Dad and I went to the liquor store we ran into Kristina.
Tara: No way! That's cool. What did you guys get at the liquor store?
(Tara glances at the wine rack.)
Tara: Whoa! You guys stocked up!
Dad: Yes, I've decided we're going to let Tara drink as much as she wants on Thanksgiving.
(Stephanie and Tara turn to look at their father. Stephanie is puzzled. Tara is surprised and delighted.)
Dad: She's going to be the entertainment.
Love,
Tara
Friday, November 20, 2009
Don't Talk the Talk If You Can't Walk the Walk...
Friday, November 20, 2009
11:32 am 'tis the season for tofurkey...
Thanksgiving is less than a week away, and I am positively giddy. It may just be my favorite holiday because it represents the start of the Christmas season, which is my favorite time of year. If I ruled the world (ugh, if only) it would be all Christmas ALL THE TIME, with Christmas songs on a constant loop on the radio and Christmas specials always rerunning on TV. As a warm up for the creation of "Tara's 2009 Holiday Viewing Guide" (coming soon!), I spent the other evening compiling a list of all the "Friends" Thanksgiving episodes, which I will watch with my sisters starting when Steph gets home on Tuesday. I just got chills.
Thanksgiving presents an interesting challenge in my family because of our varying diets. I'm a vegetarian, while my father, who doesn't like labels, calls himself a "minimalist" (...is that not a label?), which basically means he's a vegetarian who'll eat seafood sometimes. In addition to this, my dad has a gluten intolerance, meaning he can't have any bread, pasta, beer (gasp!), etc. Now, while most young adults learn to cook for themselves while away at college, I'm just starting to learn now that I'm home again. This is because eating at our house is basically a free-for-all, with everyone's different diets and schedules, and the chances that someone went grocery shopping that week slim to none. I've found that I can make a pretty bangin' asparagus dish (my oh so domestic sister Stephanie called to ask me how to make it a few weeks ago and it made my LIFE), which anyone attending Thanksgiving at our house this year will get to sample. But a girl can't live on asparagus, so I branched out and bought a cookbook: The Gluten-Free Vegetarian Kitchen. I'm planning on attacking this baby 'Julie and Julia' style, except it'll be 'Tara and Donna Klein' style (admittedly not as catchy, but it works). The other day I started with the first appetizer recipe for 'Toasted Tex-Mex Almonds' which were delish! Here's a pic:
So while, clearly, I can make some pretty excellent apps and side dishes, this still leaves me with a bit of a conundrum every Thanksgiving, because turkey substitutes I cannot create. Last year I discovered that Garden of Light has a vegan Thanksgiving menu, so the other day I went there and ordered a feast. I don't care so much about the tofurkey, but so help me God if I don't get my gravy.
Tofurkey? Vegan gravy? Most people hear these things, make a face, and ask me, "Why all the trouble?" Obviously eating turkey and real gravy would be the easier, and probably tastier, option. But I just can't bring myself to do it. I didn't ever plan on being a vegetarian, it just... happened.
It happened on May 7, 2006. I was driving home from my first year at BU with my dad when he told me that he had decided to become a vegetarian after reading, "The Omnivore's Dilemma" by Michael Pollan. Now, this surprised me because my dad has such a limited diet anyway, but after hearing him tell me about the book, I decided to give it whirl. I'm not a spontaneous person, but for whatever reason I decided, between lunch and dinner, to become a vegetarian. The reasons my dad was doing it were mostly environmental, but after reading the book myself, I was even further convinced that being a vegetarian was the right thing to do for moral reasons. This is a little interesting because the author himself is not a vegetarian, but after reading about the gruesome tactics used to slaughter animals for meat and the suffering most of them endure, my reasons were both environmental and moral. It all just seemed so unnecessary. I mean, who am I to say it's okay that an animal suffers and dies just so I can have a burger? It didn't seem right.
Now, believe me, I am not an animal lover. And I'd always thought of vegetarians as a bunch of dread-locked hippies who used patchouli to mask their body odor. But the idea that I was responsible for anything suffering through its miserable life simply because I ate meat didn't sit right with me. After that, I started reading about the antibiotics and drugs that are pumped into the animals we eat, and the disgusting, unsanitary meatpacking plants that grind up anything resembling meat and ship it off to the local grocery store for us to purchase and eat, and suddenly I no longer had an appetite for meat. Then of course there are all the health benefits associated with cutting meat from your diet, and my reasons for being a vegetarian became environmental, moral, and health. And three and half years later, here I am.
I don't talk about the whole "being a vegetarian" thing a lot because I've found that whenever it comes up, and I start to explain why I am what I am, someone inevitably points a finger and accuses me of being self-righteous. And the truth is, I am self-righteous. Obviously, I think I'm making the right choice. And I think it's my prerogative to be smugly moralistic about it. Because I don't think anyone can actually say, "I'm completely okay with the fact that, by eating meat, I'm responsible for the pain and suffering of thousands of animals over my lifetime. And I'm okay with the fact that, by eating meat, I am supporting an industry that is largely responsible for the carbon emissions that are causing global warming. And I'm okay with the fact that, by eating meat, I drive health care costs way up because of the heart disease and the high-cholesterol, etc. I will need to be treated for when I'm older." No one actually believes that.
I think most people know they shouldn't be eating meat, but it's what most people grew up doing, and it's convenient, and let's face it - it tastes pretty damn good. And what difference does it really make if I, just one person, gives up meat anyway?
One person may not make a whole lot of difference, but I have to shake my head when people call themselves "environmentally-conscious" and "animal lovers" and "health-nuts", but continue to eat meat.
I'd rather be self-righteous than a hypocrite.
Love,
Tara
11:32 am 'tis the season for tofurkey...
Thanksgiving is less than a week away, and I am positively giddy. It may just be my favorite holiday because it represents the start of the Christmas season, which is my favorite time of year. If I ruled the world (ugh, if only) it would be all Christmas ALL THE TIME, with Christmas songs on a constant loop on the radio and Christmas specials always rerunning on TV. As a warm up for the creation of "Tara's 2009 Holiday Viewing Guide" (coming soon!), I spent the other evening compiling a list of all the "Friends" Thanksgiving episodes, which I will watch with my sisters starting when Steph gets home on Tuesday. I just got chills.
Thanksgiving presents an interesting challenge in my family because of our varying diets. I'm a vegetarian, while my father, who doesn't like labels, calls himself a "minimalist" (...is that not a label?), which basically means he's a vegetarian who'll eat seafood sometimes. In addition to this, my dad has a gluten intolerance, meaning he can't have any bread, pasta, beer (gasp!), etc. Now, while most young adults learn to cook for themselves while away at college, I'm just starting to learn now that I'm home again. This is because eating at our house is basically a free-for-all, with everyone's different diets and schedules, and the chances that someone went grocery shopping that week slim to none. I've found that I can make a pretty bangin' asparagus dish (my oh so domestic sister Stephanie called to ask me how to make it a few weeks ago and it made my LIFE), which anyone attending Thanksgiving at our house this year will get to sample. But a girl can't live on asparagus, so I branched out and bought a cookbook: The Gluten-Free Vegetarian Kitchen. I'm planning on attacking this baby 'Julie and Julia' style, except it'll be 'Tara and Donna Klein' style (admittedly not as catchy, but it works). The other day I started with the first appetizer recipe for 'Toasted Tex-Mex Almonds' which were delish! Here's a pic:
Tofurkey? Vegan gravy? Most people hear these things, make a face, and ask me, "Why all the trouble?" Obviously eating turkey and real gravy would be the easier, and probably tastier, option. But I just can't bring myself to do it. I didn't ever plan on being a vegetarian, it just... happened.
It happened on May 7, 2006. I was driving home from my first year at BU with my dad when he told me that he had decided to become a vegetarian after reading, "The Omnivore's Dilemma" by Michael Pollan. Now, this surprised me because my dad has such a limited diet anyway, but after hearing him tell me about the book, I decided to give it whirl. I'm not a spontaneous person, but for whatever reason I decided, between lunch and dinner, to become a vegetarian. The reasons my dad was doing it were mostly environmental, but after reading the book myself, I was even further convinced that being a vegetarian was the right thing to do for moral reasons. This is a little interesting because the author himself is not a vegetarian, but after reading about the gruesome tactics used to slaughter animals for meat and the suffering most of them endure, my reasons were both environmental and moral. It all just seemed so unnecessary. I mean, who am I to say it's okay that an animal suffers and dies just so I can have a burger? It didn't seem right.
Now, believe me, I am not an animal lover. And I'd always thought of vegetarians as a bunch of dread-locked hippies who used patchouli to mask their body odor. But the idea that I was responsible for anything suffering through its miserable life simply because I ate meat didn't sit right with me. After that, I started reading about the antibiotics and drugs that are pumped into the animals we eat, and the disgusting, unsanitary meatpacking plants that grind up anything resembling meat and ship it off to the local grocery store for us to purchase and eat, and suddenly I no longer had an appetite for meat. Then of course there are all the health benefits associated with cutting meat from your diet, and my reasons for being a vegetarian became environmental, moral, and health. And three and half years later, here I am.
I don't talk about the whole "being a vegetarian" thing a lot because I've found that whenever it comes up, and I start to explain why I am what I am, someone inevitably points a finger and accuses me of being self-righteous. And the truth is, I am self-righteous. Obviously, I think I'm making the right choice. And I think it's my prerogative to be smugly moralistic about it. Because I don't think anyone can actually say, "I'm completely okay with the fact that, by eating meat, I'm responsible for the pain and suffering of thousands of animals over my lifetime. And I'm okay with the fact that, by eating meat, I am supporting an industry that is largely responsible for the carbon emissions that are causing global warming. And I'm okay with the fact that, by eating meat, I drive health care costs way up because of the heart disease and the high-cholesterol, etc. I will need to be treated for when I'm older." No one actually believes that.
I think most people know they shouldn't be eating meat, but it's what most people grew up doing, and it's convenient, and let's face it - it tastes pretty damn good. And what difference does it really make if I, just one person, gives up meat anyway?
One person may not make a whole lot of difference, but I have to shake my head when people call themselves "environmentally-conscious" and "animal lovers" and "health-nuts", but continue to eat meat.
I'd rather be self-righteous than a hypocrite.
Love,
Tara
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Conversations with My Mother, Part II
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
7:24 PM I bought the wine to cook with...and drank it instead.
Conversations with My Mother
It's 7:15 on a cool November morning. Tara skips down the stairs in her work out clothes. The kitchen immediately lights up when she enters, as do all rooms (and people) when Tara is around. She greets her mother, who is leaving a note for Tara's sister, Kaitlyn.
Mother: Tara, do you have any thank you notes Kaitlyn can use? She needs to write one to one of her teachers.
Tara: (makes a face...but like, a cute face...she still looks cute) Yeah...but I just bought them to send after interviews. They were really expensive.
Mother: (makes a face) Like how expensive?
Tara: Like 15 dollars!
Mother: Okay, I'll tell you what. You let Kaitlyn use one of your thank you notes, and I'll tell your father not to cut off the heat to your bedroom.
Tara: ...
My life is so unfair.
Love,
Tara
7:24 PM I bought the wine to cook with...and drank it instead.
Conversations with My Mother
It's 7:15 on a cool November morning. Tara skips down the stairs in her work out clothes. The kitchen immediately lights up when she enters, as do all rooms (and people) when Tara is around. She greets her mother, who is leaving a note for Tara's sister, Kaitlyn.
Mother: Tara, do you have any thank you notes Kaitlyn can use? She needs to write one to one of her teachers.
Tara: (makes a face...but like, a cute face...she still looks cute) Yeah...but I just bought them to send after interviews. They were really expensive.
Mother: (makes a face) Like how expensive?
Tara: Like 15 dollars!
Mother: Okay, I'll tell you what. You let Kaitlyn use one of your thank you notes, and I'll tell your father not to cut off the heat to your bedroom.
Tara: ...
My life is so unfair.
Love,
Tara
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
"Bravery isn't the absence of fear..."
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
2:21 PM "…but the will to overcome it.”
I feel like I’ve been bursting to write lately, but I couldn’t figure out about what. Today I had the day off from… everything, so I decided to seek out some inspiration. There are only two movies in the world that move me profoundly every single time I watch them – “Magnolia” and “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.” I decided to watch “Eternal” while I was folding laundry. This was unusual because I don’t like to watch movies alone. I get emotional (*gasp*) and there’s something less pathetic to me about crying into someone’s shoulder than sitting alone in your family room, surrounded by piles of laundry, using your dad’s old sock to dab your eyes…
Look at it out here
It’s all falling apart
I’m erasing you and I’m happy
By morning you’ll be gone
Some of the best lines in the movie…could that not be poetry?? I’ve memorized so many lines from the movie I found myself mouthing the words. Then, of course, there’s the poem from which the film got its title, Alexander Pope’s ‘Eloisa to Abelard’:
How happy is the blameless vestal’s lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray’r accepted, and each wish resign’d…
I used to love the film for its message about fate, but today it made me think about fear. I decided a year and a half ago (I remember the exact day) that I didn’t want to live my life not doing things out of fear. I vowed that if I really wanted to do something, I wasn’t going to let my fear of what might happen hold me back. Fear of pain, fear of disappointment, fear of failure, fear of heartbreak… I think too often in life we don’t take chances because we fear unpleasant outcomes. But I’ve found, in my life, it’s when I push past the fear that the next great thing happens. Now, these great things don’t always happen - there are often those unpleasant outcomes - but I’ve only ever gotten to the next great thing by getting past fear.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not an enlightened expert. In fact, I fight it the whole way. When I decided I wanted to try to be the commencement speaker, I complained to anyone who would listen. Stephanie can tell you how I called her at 10 pm the night before the speech was due to bitch to her about how I hadn’t written a single word and this was stupid and why do I even care and why am I even doing this. But the bitching and complaining was really just a mask for fear because what I really was saying was, “I’m afraid to do this because what if I try hard at something I care about and I fail?”
Another example is that job in NYC I’ve talked about. My initial reaction when I found out that such a job existed was…anger! It sounds crazy, but I was mad when I read the job description. And it’s because I immediately knew I wasn’t going to be happy or able to live with myself if I didn’t try to get it. Of course, I would want the job that 7,000 people apply for each year and only 70 actually get. I was mad at myself because, the odds were, I wasn’t going to get it. I was making an emotional investment that probably wouldn’t pay out.
But it did “pay out.”
I don’t like to go too in depth about my personal life on my blog (I would never get another date), so I’m going to skip the examples (did you hear that? It was a collective sigh of relief from all my ex-boyfriends), but it applies here too. In fact, it especially applies here. I actually have come to like that feeling of paralyzing fear while talking to a guy I really like (you know, where you can’t catch your breath and your hands get all shaky?), because my most significant, meaningful relationships have happened when I was so scared of what might happen, and I did it anyway.
The last lines of the movie are probably etched into my brain somewhere, I love them so much:
Joel: I can’t see anything that I don’t like about you.
Clementine: But you will! But you will. You know, you will think of things. And I’ll get bored with you and feel trapped because that’s what happens with me.
Joel: Okay.
Clementine: [pauses] Okay.
I’m not trying to get preachy. It’s just that I remembered today that I’d rather live my life trying things and failing and getting my heart broken and feeling all of those crazy, mixed up emotions and all the while holding on to the hope that maybe this time pushing through the fear will lead to something greater, than live my life in fear of what could go wrong.
I’d rather be brave.
Love,
Tara
2:21 PM "…but the will to overcome it.”
I feel like I’ve been bursting to write lately, but I couldn’t figure out about what. Today I had the day off from… everything, so I decided to seek out some inspiration. There are only two movies in the world that move me profoundly every single time I watch them – “Magnolia” and “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.” I decided to watch “Eternal” while I was folding laundry. This was unusual because I don’t like to watch movies alone. I get emotional (*gasp*) and there’s something less pathetic to me about crying into someone’s shoulder than sitting alone in your family room, surrounded by piles of laundry, using your dad’s old sock to dab your eyes…
Look at it out here
It’s all falling apart
I’m erasing you and I’m happy
By morning you’ll be gone
Some of the best lines in the movie…could that not be poetry?? I’ve memorized so many lines from the movie I found myself mouthing the words. Then, of course, there’s the poem from which the film got its title, Alexander Pope’s ‘Eloisa to Abelard’:
How happy is the blameless vestal’s lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray’r accepted, and each wish resign’d…
I used to love the film for its message about fate, but today it made me think about fear. I decided a year and a half ago (I remember the exact day) that I didn’t want to live my life not doing things out of fear. I vowed that if I really wanted to do something, I wasn’t going to let my fear of what might happen hold me back. Fear of pain, fear of disappointment, fear of failure, fear of heartbreak… I think too often in life we don’t take chances because we fear unpleasant outcomes. But I’ve found, in my life, it’s when I push past the fear that the next great thing happens. Now, these great things don’t always happen - there are often those unpleasant outcomes - but I’ve only ever gotten to the next great thing by getting past fear.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not an enlightened expert. In fact, I fight it the whole way. When I decided I wanted to try to be the commencement speaker, I complained to anyone who would listen. Stephanie can tell you how I called her at 10 pm the night before the speech was due to bitch to her about how I hadn’t written a single word and this was stupid and why do I even care and why am I even doing this. But the bitching and complaining was really just a mask for fear because what I really was saying was, “I’m afraid to do this because what if I try hard at something I care about and I fail?”
Another example is that job in NYC I’ve talked about. My initial reaction when I found out that such a job existed was…anger! It sounds crazy, but I was mad when I read the job description. And it’s because I immediately knew I wasn’t going to be happy or able to live with myself if I didn’t try to get it. Of course, I would want the job that 7,000 people apply for each year and only 70 actually get. I was mad at myself because, the odds were, I wasn’t going to get it. I was making an emotional investment that probably wouldn’t pay out.
But it did “pay out.”
I don’t like to go too in depth about my personal life on my blog (I would never get another date), so I’m going to skip the examples (did you hear that? It was a collective sigh of relief from all my ex-boyfriends), but it applies here too. In fact, it especially applies here. I actually have come to like that feeling of paralyzing fear while talking to a guy I really like (you know, where you can’t catch your breath and your hands get all shaky?), because my most significant, meaningful relationships have happened when I was so scared of what might happen, and I did it anyway.
The last lines of the movie are probably etched into my brain somewhere, I love them so much:
Joel: I can’t see anything that I don’t like about you.
Clementine: But you will! But you will. You know, you will think of things. And I’ll get bored with you and feel trapped because that’s what happens with me.
Joel: Okay.
Clementine: [pauses] Okay.
I’m not trying to get preachy. It’s just that I remembered today that I’d rather live my life trying things and failing and getting my heart broken and feeling all of those crazy, mixed up emotions and all the while holding on to the hope that maybe this time pushing through the fear will lead to something greater, than live my life in fear of what could go wrong.
I’d rather be brave.
Love,
Tara
Sunday, November 8, 2009
"Meant to Be Broken."
Sunday, November 8, 2009
4:03 PM Get ready…
I’m not sure how I feel about rules.
I’ll give you a minute to get over the shock.
Are you okay? Okay. This is shocking because, as most of my friends and family know, I LOVE to make up rules. Coming up with arbitrary rules for myself has become like a hobby (and probably a slight case of OCD). To give you a look into my neurosis, I’ll give you some examples. I do it with everything. Clothes? I have a list of all my clothes for each season that I work through, systematically, so as not to wear the same outfit twice before I have to. On a given day I simply cross reference the temperature and occasion to find out what I’ll be wearing. Scary? I know. I’m scaring myself a little just writing this. But the thing is, I really do find it helpful to have a list of all my clothes in front of me. I just have a real knack for making helpful things complicated.
Like my To Do list. Now, I know I’ve written about my To Do List before, because it truly is the bane of my existence. But...it’s helpful to have a list of everything I need to do, so I don’t forget. Unfortunately, I’m really good at staring at the list just long enough to become frustrated and overwhelmed at the thought of doing it all. It’s a gift, really.
And relationships? Oooh, relationships. My romantic life is the area of my life in which I often feel the most out of control (I’m emotional, okay?), so I’ve come up with thousands of rules to trick myself into thinking I have some semblance of control. And the fact that I know every line of every episode of “Sex & the City” and just finished reading “He’s Just Not That Into You” doesn’t help. Because they just reinforce the fact that women need to go into relationships with a set of rules… and I’m starting to think that’s unhealthy. Of course, all women should have some nevers. Cheating is always a deal breaker. Lying? Also a deal breaker. Abuse equals a deal breaker and a call to the local police. But those aren’t the rules I, or the writers of SATC and “Not That Into You” are talking about.
For example, there’s an episode of SATC when Charlotte announces that it should take half the time you were dating a guy to get over him. You were dating a guy for a month? You’ve got two weeks to ponder what might have been and *poof* you’re over it. And I love that rule! It seems reasonable, there’s a bit of logic to it… I would do the break up math for every girlfriend who called me crying over her lost love: “Don’t worry about it too much, Sar! You were with him for a year, so it’s just the next six months of your life that are going to suck.”
You see, the problem I’m finding with rules is that they very rarely apply to any “unique” situation. What if you dated a guy for three years? Does that mean it’s going to take the next year and a half to move on with your life? Is this what we’re limited to? Or what if you’re like me and you like to make the same mistake, er, date the same guy over and over and over again? If it was on and off for five years, does that mean I should have expected two and a half years of misery? Or do I subtract the months we weren’t together? Or do I only count the most recent time we were together? It just doesn’t work.
Another rule I loved was the, “Don’t talk to the guy after he’s broken up with you” rule. I swore by it. He doesn’t want to be with you, but he still wants to talk to you? No way. He chose for it to be this way, so let him miss you. It makes complete sense… until you apply it along with the other rule. If you were with a guy for two years, you break up, and won’t be “over” him for a year, that would mean you can’t speak to him for year. But what if he’s in your group of friends? Are you supposed to ignore him for twelve months? Should you tell your friends that you won’t be addressing him in social settings for the next year, so could you please tell him to move his car, he’s blocking you and you need to get home? It doesn’t work.
I’m not sure what I mean by writing all this out. It’s just something that occurred to me today. I follow all these rules so I can assert some control over my life, but they just end up making things more complicated in the end. Because I’ve never believed that exes could be friends (another rule). And I’m still not entirely convinced that they can. But I realized today it’s awfully nice to have someone to talk to when you’re having a bad day, even if it is breaking a rule.
Love,
Tara
4:03 PM Get ready…
I’m not sure how I feel about rules.
I’ll give you a minute to get over the shock.
Are you okay? Okay. This is shocking because, as most of my friends and family know, I LOVE to make up rules. Coming up with arbitrary rules for myself has become like a hobby (and probably a slight case of OCD). To give you a look into my neurosis, I’ll give you some examples. I do it with everything. Clothes? I have a list of all my clothes for each season that I work through, systematically, so as not to wear the same outfit twice before I have to. On a given day I simply cross reference the temperature and occasion to find out what I’ll be wearing. Scary? I know. I’m scaring myself a little just writing this. But the thing is, I really do find it helpful to have a list of all my clothes in front of me. I just have a real knack for making helpful things complicated.
Like my To Do list. Now, I know I’ve written about my To Do List before, because it truly is the bane of my existence. But...it’s helpful to have a list of everything I need to do, so I don’t forget. Unfortunately, I’m really good at staring at the list just long enough to become frustrated and overwhelmed at the thought of doing it all. It’s a gift, really.
And relationships? Oooh, relationships. My romantic life is the area of my life in which I often feel the most out of control (I’m emotional, okay?), so I’ve come up with thousands of rules to trick myself into thinking I have some semblance of control. And the fact that I know every line of every episode of “Sex & the City” and just finished reading “He’s Just Not That Into You” doesn’t help. Because they just reinforce the fact that women need to go into relationships with a set of rules… and I’m starting to think that’s unhealthy. Of course, all women should have some nevers. Cheating is always a deal breaker. Lying? Also a deal breaker. Abuse equals a deal breaker and a call to the local police. But those aren’t the rules I, or the writers of SATC and “Not That Into You” are talking about.
For example, there’s an episode of SATC when Charlotte announces that it should take half the time you were dating a guy to get over him. You were dating a guy for a month? You’ve got two weeks to ponder what might have been and *poof* you’re over it. And I love that rule! It seems reasonable, there’s a bit of logic to it… I would do the break up math for every girlfriend who called me crying over her lost love: “Don’t worry about it too much, Sar! You were with him for a year, so it’s just the next six months of your life that are going to suck.”
You see, the problem I’m finding with rules is that they very rarely apply to any “unique” situation. What if you dated a guy for three years? Does that mean it’s going to take the next year and a half to move on with your life? Is this what we’re limited to? Or what if you’re like me and you like to make the same mistake, er, date the same guy over and over and over again? If it was on and off for five years, does that mean I should have expected two and a half years of misery? Or do I subtract the months we weren’t together? Or do I only count the most recent time we were together? It just doesn’t work.
Another rule I loved was the, “Don’t talk to the guy after he’s broken up with you” rule. I swore by it. He doesn’t want to be with you, but he still wants to talk to you? No way. He chose for it to be this way, so let him miss you. It makes complete sense… until you apply it along with the other rule. If you were with a guy for two years, you break up, and won’t be “over” him for a year, that would mean you can’t speak to him for year. But what if he’s in your group of friends? Are you supposed to ignore him for twelve months? Should you tell your friends that you won’t be addressing him in social settings for the next year, so could you please tell him to move his car, he’s blocking you and you need to get home? It doesn’t work.
I’m not sure what I mean by writing all this out. It’s just something that occurred to me today. I follow all these rules so I can assert some control over my life, but they just end up making things more complicated in the end. Because I’ve never believed that exes could be friends (another rule). And I’m still not entirely convinced that they can. But I realized today it’s awfully nice to have someone to talk to when you’re having a bad day, even if it is breaking a rule.
Love,
Tara
Saturday, November 7, 2009
"Like It or Not."
Saturday, November 7, 2009
4:12 PM You think you're soooo funnyyyy...
Before I write anything else, I want you to read my horoscope for today:
"Dear Tara,
Here is your horoscope for
Saturday, November 7:
Transportation issues are a fairly big deal for you today, though they aren't anywhere near catastrophic. In fact, you may get a deal on a car or find some way to cut time off of your commute."
Done? Okay, good. So, this is the horoscope I woke up to this morning. I woke up at 7:30 (on a Saturday morning...why God, why???) and blindly felt around on my nightstand for my phone, which was blinking with this message. I set my phone down, laid in bed pondering my life's poor decisions for about an hour, and finally got up and got ready for work. But when I went to actually leave for work there was a problem...
My car was gone.
Now, I'm using the term "my car" loosely because, as my parents are soooo quick to point out, it's not mine. I didn't buy it. I have no rights to it. Blah blah blah. But, nevertheless, it is the car I drive, um, everywhere. So for the sake of this post, it's my car.
Anywhoozle, I was running late as it was (all that pondering my life's poor decisions took a while), so I was unhappy to discover that my parents had let Kaitlyn take "my" car. Now, we own (and by "we" I mean Kathy and Mike) four cars, so in theory, this shouldn't be an issue. Kaitlyn took "my" car to the SATs. That leaves three cars (See? Who says COM students can't do math?). Now, it just so happens that Dad was out getting his hair cut. Okay, two cars. And it just so happens that Stephanie, who is home this weekend, was out galavanting with her boyfriend (probably, I don't know what she was doing). So, that leaves us with one car. Which would be fine... if someone had left me a key to said car.
And it was at the moment that I realized I wasn't going to make it to work on time that I also remembered my horoscope for today. And I couldn't help but look up at the ceiling and shake my head at the Universe. Because, clearly, someone up there is playing a practical joke on me.
So this is for the skeptics, because, to be fair, I was warned.
And, really, I was doubly warned because yesterday's horoscope...
"Someone close needs to hear how you're doing, and you've got to be brutally honest with them. It's not a question of feelings at this point -- everyone needs to be on the same page, like it or not!"
...was painfully accurate too.
I'm scared for tomorrow.
Love,
Tara
4:12 PM You think you're soooo funnyyyy...
Before I write anything else, I want you to read my horoscope for today:
"Dear Tara,
Here is your horoscope for
Saturday, November 7:
Transportation issues are a fairly big deal for you today, though they aren't anywhere near catastrophic. In fact, you may get a deal on a car or find some way to cut time off of your commute."
Done? Okay, good. So, this is the horoscope I woke up to this morning. I woke up at 7:30 (on a Saturday morning...why God, why???) and blindly felt around on my nightstand for my phone, which was blinking with this message. I set my phone down, laid in bed pondering my life's poor decisions for about an hour, and finally got up and got ready for work. But when I went to actually leave for work there was a problem...
My car was gone.
Now, I'm using the term "my car" loosely because, as my parents are soooo quick to point out, it's not mine. I didn't buy it. I have no rights to it. Blah blah blah. But, nevertheless, it is the car I drive, um, everywhere. So for the sake of this post, it's my car.
Anywhoozle, I was running late as it was (all that pondering my life's poor decisions took a while), so I was unhappy to discover that my parents had let Kaitlyn take "my" car. Now, we own (and by "we" I mean Kathy and Mike) four cars, so in theory, this shouldn't be an issue. Kaitlyn took "my" car to the SATs. That leaves three cars (See? Who says COM students can't do math?). Now, it just so happens that Dad was out getting his hair cut. Okay, two cars. And it just so happens that Stephanie, who is home this weekend, was out galavanting with her boyfriend (probably, I don't know what she was doing). So, that leaves us with one car. Which would be fine... if someone had left me a key to said car.
And it was at the moment that I realized I wasn't going to make it to work on time that I also remembered my horoscope for today. And I couldn't help but look up at the ceiling and shake my head at the Universe. Because, clearly, someone up there is playing a practical joke on me.
So this is for the skeptics, because, to be fair, I was warned.
And, really, I was doubly warned because yesterday's horoscope...
"Someone close needs to hear how you're doing, and you've got to be brutally honest with them. It's not a question of feelings at this point -- everyone needs to be on the same page, like it or not!"
...was painfully accurate too.
I'm scared for tomorrow.
Love,
Tara
Sunday, November 1, 2009
"Truer Words Have Never Been Spoken."
Sunday, November 1, 2009
7:02 PM I’m almost 22 and a half!
Halloween-Oh-Nine was… different. Good different. It was the first Halloween I’ve spent at home in four years, and the experience was not a bad one. No, I didn’t get to dress up as a sexy flapper (see below) and party with all of my friends, but I did get to have some quality suburban fam time, and I didn’t wake up this morning cursing tequila. (My friends need not comment here about last year’s drunken debauchery…I remember it all too well, thanks.)
Halloween officially started for me on Friday, when my parents, Kaitlyn, and I all attended Rebecca and Stephen’s Halloween party. We went as the cast of 30 Rock with Mom as Liz Lemon, Kaitlyn as Dr. Spaceman, and Dad as an uncanny Grizz. I was a page (Get it? Do you get it???). We all had a good time, and Kaitlyn and I spent most of the party watching “The Dark Knight” and musing over its cinematic genius. We bailed, however, when “The Exorcist” came on. I just don’t do scary movies.
Saturday was spent at the toy store. I got lots of compliments on my neon orange nails (painted just for the occasion), and I spent most of my time there helping customers find last minute costume props. The highlight was when I found a red light saber and made this guy’s day. I offered to show him some of my Jedi moves, but he didn’t seem interested.
The evening was spent handing out candy to little children. I learned A LOT. First of all, did you know you have to count out how much candy you have ahead of time, so you don’t run out? I never would have thought of that. Also, you have to put a limit on how much candy kids can take. Also, all ten-year-olds are brats. Actual conversation:
A group of boys comes to the door. Two have on masks, one is dressed as a skater.
Boys (mumbling): Trick or treat.
Tara: Happy Halloween! You guys can each take two.
Boys almost knock bowls out of Tara’s hands as they grab for the candy.
Tara: I like your scary costumes.
Skater boy: (looking at Tara with disgust) Mine’s not scary.
Tara (evenly): Oh, that’s not a mask you’re wearing?
Ten-year-olds are just no match for my wit.
But most of the kids were adorable. Especially the little five year olds who want to tell you all about their costumes. I recognized a lot of kids who I used to babysit for… and it was crazy to see how grown up they were! One little girl dressed as a cheerleader came to the door and asked for a band-aid because she had tripped on our steps. I ran upstairs to grab her one and smashed my knee into a door in the process (I’m crippled now, by the way). When I was kneeling to put the band-aid on her, I found out she was a girl I used to babysit for…when she was literally an infant. I was shocked! I started gushing about how I used to babysit for her all the time when she was just a baby and she just looked at me blankly. I wanted to grab her and yell, YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND! WE BONDED! I USED TO STAY UP ALL NIGHT WITH YOU WHEN YOU WOULDN’T SLEEP! YOU WOULD ONLY STOP CRYING WHEN I HELD YOU! I USED TO SING TO YOU FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! But now that little baby is a cheerleader with a bruised knee who just wants some candy. It was a little heartbreaking.
Aside from that, it was a happy Halloween. I spent the rest of the night watching “I Love You, Man” with Mom and painting my nails navy blue. I was a little sad about not getting to dress up though, and decided next year I’m going to go as one of the creatures from one of my favorite (kind of scary?) music videos of all time. Maybe the one coming out of the toilet? Warning: There’s some language. (Read: Grandma? Meme? Ang? Cover your ears.)
But for now I’m just me. At home. Playing with my new webcam. Maybe I’m so vain…
Love,
Tara
P.S. Oh, the title of the post? That was my response to my sister, Stephanie, during a text convo after she wrote, “Maybe free tampons are not to be trusted…” Now that’s one scary story I’ll spare you :)
7:02 PM I’m almost 22 and a half!
Halloween-Oh-Nine was… different. Good different. It was the first Halloween I’ve spent at home in four years, and the experience was not a bad one. No, I didn’t get to dress up as a sexy flapper (see below) and party with all of my friends, but I did get to have some quality suburban fam time, and I didn’t wake up this morning cursing tequila. (My friends need not comment here about last year’s drunken debauchery…I remember it all too well, thanks.)
Halloween officially started for me on Friday, when my parents, Kaitlyn, and I all attended Rebecca and Stephen’s Halloween party. We went as the cast of 30 Rock with Mom as Liz Lemon, Kaitlyn as Dr. Spaceman, and Dad as an uncanny Grizz. I was a page (Get it? Do you get it???). We all had a good time, and Kaitlyn and I spent most of the party watching “The Dark Knight” and musing over its cinematic genius. We bailed, however, when “The Exorcist” came on. I just don’t do scary movies.
Saturday was spent at the toy store. I got lots of compliments on my neon orange nails (painted just for the occasion), and I spent most of my time there helping customers find last minute costume props. The highlight was when I found a red light saber and made this guy’s day. I offered to show him some of my Jedi moves, but he didn’t seem interested.
The evening was spent handing out candy to little children. I learned A LOT. First of all, did you know you have to count out how much candy you have ahead of time, so you don’t run out? I never would have thought of that. Also, you have to put a limit on how much candy kids can take. Also, all ten-year-olds are brats. Actual conversation:
A group of boys comes to the door. Two have on masks, one is dressed as a skater.
Boys (mumbling): Trick or treat.
Tara: Happy Halloween! You guys can each take two.
Boys almost knock bowls out of Tara’s hands as they grab for the candy.
Tara: I like your scary costumes.
Skater boy: (looking at Tara with disgust) Mine’s not scary.
Tara (evenly): Oh, that’s not a mask you’re wearing?
Ten-year-olds are just no match for my wit.
But most of the kids were adorable. Especially the little five year olds who want to tell you all about their costumes. I recognized a lot of kids who I used to babysit for… and it was crazy to see how grown up they were! One little girl dressed as a cheerleader came to the door and asked for a band-aid because she had tripped on our steps. I ran upstairs to grab her one and smashed my knee into a door in the process (I’m crippled now, by the way). When I was kneeling to put the band-aid on her, I found out she was a girl I used to babysit for…when she was literally an infant. I was shocked! I started gushing about how I used to babysit for her all the time when she was just a baby and she just looked at me blankly. I wanted to grab her and yell, YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND! WE BONDED! I USED TO STAY UP ALL NIGHT WITH YOU WHEN YOU WOULDN’T SLEEP! YOU WOULD ONLY STOP CRYING WHEN I HELD YOU! I USED TO SING TO YOU FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! But now that little baby is a cheerleader with a bruised knee who just wants some candy. It was a little heartbreaking.
Aside from that, it was a happy Halloween. I spent the rest of the night watching “I Love You, Man” with Mom and painting my nails navy blue. I was a little sad about not getting to dress up though, and decided next year I’m going to go as one of the creatures from one of my favorite (kind of scary?) music videos of all time. Maybe the one coming out of the toilet? Warning: There’s some language. (Read: Grandma? Meme? Ang? Cover your ears.)
But for now I’m just me. At home. Playing with my new webcam. Maybe I’m so vain…
Navy nails and a new ring!
Love,
Tara
P.S. Oh, the title of the post? That was my response to my sister, Stephanie, during a text convo after she wrote, “Maybe free tampons are not to be trusted…” Now that’s one scary story I’ll spare you :)
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
"Faith Is A Funny Thing"
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
10:31 pm My room is a mess.
So, the past few nights have been spent studying, writing, and rehearsing in preparation for Friday’s interview. While I feel moderately stressed, I haven’t been hit with a bout of heart burn yet, and today I only chipped the nail polish off of ONE nail. Do you understand how huge that is? This weekend I painted my nails and proceeded to ruin the whole thing in less than 24 hours. Both my mother and father came to visit me in my room (where I’ve been permanently stationed, on my bed, laptop in lap, glasses on, hair in complete disarray, surrounded by papers, talking to myself) and asked me what the “black stuff” was on the floor next to my bed. In response I rolled my eyes, sighed, and eventually answered, “That’s yesterday’s manicure.” Shouldn’t they know this by now?
Anyway, the point is, I’ve calmed down since this weekend. That’s not to say the crazy won’t come back, but I think I’ve been more relaxed 1.) Because I’ve been on about 25 interviews since I graduated, so I kind of know the drill, and 2.) Because of some advice my wise friend, Eliz, gave me. The other day on GChat, when I was whining to her about my stressful life, she told me that every time I want to think “I’m nervous!” when I think of the impending interview, I should change it to, “I’m excited!” She said it’s all adrenaline… it’s just about how you channel it.
Well, when I heard that, it was like a weight was lifted and the clouds broke and angels started singing. I don’t know how I managed to trick myself, but it’s working. I’m pretty freaking excited.
I also think I’m excited and not freaking out (yet) for another reason. I’ve already done 27 blog posts about how eye-opening being jobless and living at home has been, so I’m not going to go into all that again. But one of the most important things I’ve learned is this: When you decide your happiness is dependent on only one thing, it is a sure way to end up unhappy. While it’d be nice to get the dream job, it certainly doesn’t define me. And I know it won’t be the thing in my life that will always bring me happiness.
I used to not want to get my hopes up over anything. After being rejected from so many jobs, eventually you don’t even get excited anymore. You turn kind of cynical and angry. Or I do, at least. But I think you have to fight that and learn to celebrate life’s tiny triumphs. Yeah, you didn’t get the job in the end, but you can celebrate the way you felt after you had that awesome interview. And maybe you miss your friends, but how funny was it when your mom was singing and dancing in the kitchen the other night? The text that made you smile, the cute kid in the toy store, the crazy ladies at Bingo…These are the little things that keep you going. I think maybe that’s what life’s all about.
So, I’m leaving you with another Grey’s Anatomy quote… I’m actually the worst fan ever: I haven’t watched a single episode this season. Nevertheless, I take comfort in their quotes:
“At the end of the day faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don't really expect it. It's like one day you realize that the fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamed. The castle, well, it may not be a castle. And it's not so important, happy ever after, just that it’s happy right now. See, once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you. And once in a while, people may even take your breath away.”
Love,
Tara
10:31 pm My room is a mess.
So, the past few nights have been spent studying, writing, and rehearsing in preparation for Friday’s interview. While I feel moderately stressed, I haven’t been hit with a bout of heart burn yet, and today I only chipped the nail polish off of ONE nail. Do you understand how huge that is? This weekend I painted my nails and proceeded to ruin the whole thing in less than 24 hours. Both my mother and father came to visit me in my room (where I’ve been permanently stationed, on my bed, laptop in lap, glasses on, hair in complete disarray, surrounded by papers, talking to myself) and asked me what the “black stuff” was on the floor next to my bed. In response I rolled my eyes, sighed, and eventually answered, “That’s yesterday’s manicure.” Shouldn’t they know this by now?
Anyway, the point is, I’ve calmed down since this weekend. That’s not to say the crazy won’t come back, but I think I’ve been more relaxed 1.) Because I’ve been on about 25 interviews since I graduated, so I kind of know the drill, and 2.) Because of some advice my wise friend, Eliz, gave me. The other day on GChat, when I was whining to her about my stressful life, she told me that every time I want to think “I’m nervous!” when I think of the impending interview, I should change it to, “I’m excited!” She said it’s all adrenaline… it’s just about how you channel it.
Well, when I heard that, it was like a weight was lifted and the clouds broke and angels started singing. I don’t know how I managed to trick myself, but it’s working. I’m pretty freaking excited.
I also think I’m excited and not freaking out (yet) for another reason. I’ve already done 27 blog posts about how eye-opening being jobless and living at home has been, so I’m not going to go into all that again. But one of the most important things I’ve learned is this: When you decide your happiness is dependent on only one thing, it is a sure way to end up unhappy. While it’d be nice to get the dream job, it certainly doesn’t define me. And I know it won’t be the thing in my life that will always bring me happiness.
I used to not want to get my hopes up over anything. After being rejected from so many jobs, eventually you don’t even get excited anymore. You turn kind of cynical and angry. Or I do, at least. But I think you have to fight that and learn to celebrate life’s tiny triumphs. Yeah, you didn’t get the job in the end, but you can celebrate the way you felt after you had that awesome interview. And maybe you miss your friends, but how funny was it when your mom was singing and dancing in the kitchen the other night? The text that made you smile, the cute kid in the toy store, the crazy ladies at Bingo…These are the little things that keep you going. I think maybe that’s what life’s all about.
So, I’m leaving you with another Grey’s Anatomy quote… I’m actually the worst fan ever: I haven’t watched a single episode this season. Nevertheless, I take comfort in their quotes:
“At the end of the day faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don't really expect it. It's like one day you realize that the fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamed. The castle, well, it may not be a castle. And it's not so important, happy ever after, just that it’s happy right now. See, once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you. And once in a while, people may even take your breath away.”
Love,
Tara
Sunday, October 18, 2009
"Damn You, Snuggies!"
Sunday, October 18, 2009
9:08 pm Down with Snuggies!
Those of you who have been following my blog posts since "Hot Child in The City" (*cough*Grandma*cough*), know how much I hate Snuggies. If you don't know the story, I suggest you get up to speed by reading about all the drama here because I AM SO ANGRY they still exist. And not only do they still exist, but you can buy them for like $14.99 at CVS. First of all, it's a blanket with sleeves...I mean, seriously people. This is what you're excited about? If you want that warm, sleevy feeling all you have to do is put on your bathrobe backwards. You don't have to support an evil corporation. Secondly, the commercial literally makes me want to gauge my eyes out. The acting in it is laughable to the point of anger because I can't believe they actually think people will fall for it. BUT FALL FOR IT THEY DO! Because apparently Snuggies are one of the hottest items for this Christmas.
So, I am officially adding "Snuggies" to my "dislike" list on Facebook. That's right. I just went there. The list now reads:
"I don't like: Uggs, black licorice, dishonesty, spiders, The Usual Suspects (sorry), ice skating, negative energy, my alarm clock, cigarettes, scary movies, blood, big waves, stalkers, cockroaches, Snuggies."
Every time the commercial comes on in my house, I shake my fist at the screen and yell, "Damn you, Snuggies!" and my family laughs. But it's not funny.
I really hate them.
Love,
Tara
9:08 pm Down with Snuggies!
Those of you who have been following my blog posts since "Hot Child in The City" (*cough*Grandma*cough*), know how much I hate Snuggies. If you don't know the story, I suggest you get up to speed by reading about all the drama here because I AM SO ANGRY they still exist. And not only do they still exist, but you can buy them for like $14.99 at CVS. First of all, it's a blanket with sleeves...I mean, seriously people. This is what you're excited about? If you want that warm, sleevy feeling all you have to do is put on your bathrobe backwards. You don't have to support an evil corporation. Secondly, the commercial literally makes me want to gauge my eyes out. The acting in it is laughable to the point of anger because I can't believe they actually think people will fall for it. BUT FALL FOR IT THEY DO! Because apparently Snuggies are one of the hottest items for this Christmas.
So, I am officially adding "Snuggies" to my "dislike" list on Facebook. That's right. I just went there. The list now reads:
"I don't like: Uggs, black licorice, dishonesty, spiders, The Usual Suspects (sorry), ice skating, negative energy, my alarm clock, cigarettes, scary movies, blood, big waves, stalkers, cockroaches, Snuggies."
Every time the commercial comes on in my house, I shake my fist at the screen and yell, "Damn you, Snuggies!" and my family laughs. But it's not funny.
I really hate them.
Love,
Tara
Saturday, October 17, 2009
"The Backs of My Eyelids"
Saturday, October 17, 2009
5:19 PM Mmm... apples.
Conversations with My Mother
It's early on a Saturday morning in autumn. Tara is sleeping peacefully in her bed, dreaming of apple fritters and the new boots she wants to buy. She has to wake up in just an hour in order to get ready for a day at the toy store. She never gets a day off, and she hardly ever sleeps. But I digress...
(Knock, knock, knock)
(Tara wakes with a start to a loud rapping on the door and watches, through blurry eyes, as the door swings open and her mother walks in.)
Mom: Hi sweetie! Do you have 10 dollars I could borrow?
(Tara looks around, confused.)
Tara: Uh, yeah. In my purse.
(Tara's mother starts to look around the room for Tara's purse. Tara closes her eyes, trying not to let this episode keep her from getting back to her much needed sleep).
Tara: (sighs) My purse is downstairs.
Mom: Okay. Also, have you seen my glasses?
(Tara is now wide awake...mostly because of the ridiculousness of the situation.)
Tara: No, Mom. I've been trying to see the backs of my eyelids.
Mom: What?
Tara: Nothing.
Love,
Tara
5:19 PM Mmm... apples.
Conversations with My Mother
It's early on a Saturday morning in autumn. Tara is sleeping peacefully in her bed, dreaming of apple fritters and the new boots she wants to buy. She has to wake up in just an hour in order to get ready for a day at the toy store. She never gets a day off, and she hardly ever sleeps. But I digress...
(Knock, knock, knock)
(Tara wakes with a start to a loud rapping on the door and watches, through blurry eyes, as the door swings open and her mother walks in.)
Mom: Hi sweetie! Do you have 10 dollars I could borrow?
(Tara looks around, confused.)
Tara: Uh, yeah. In my purse.
(Tara's mother starts to look around the room for Tara's purse. Tara closes her eyes, trying not to let this episode keep her from getting back to her much needed sleep).
Tara: (sighs) My purse is downstairs.
Mom: Okay. Also, have you seen my glasses?
(Tara is now wide awake...mostly because of the ridiculousness of the situation.)
Tara: No, Mom. I've been trying to see the backs of my eyelids.
Mom: What?
Tara: Nothing.
Love,
Tara
Monday, October 12, 2009
"Real Reason"
Monday, October 12, 2009
8: 21 pm Two posts in one day?!?
I know. I’m feeling chatty. And there are about a thousand other things I should be doing, so naturally, I’m blogging. I found out a couple hours ago that I got a final interview for this job I really want. And when I found out, I didn’t jump up and down or scream and yell, as I’d always imagined I would do when I got the news. Instead, I kind of sat there, stunned. And then eventually I made my way downstairs and told the rest of my family. And they all kind of did a mini- jump up and down and scream and yell, and I just stood there. Clearly, my response is not the normal one here, so I ask you this…
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME THAT I CAN’T JUST BE HAPPY WHEN I FINALLY GET WHAT I WANT!??!?!?
Part of me thinks I just don’t want to get my hopes up, after being this close to getting so many jobs before, and then not actually getting them in the end. But I think it’s more than that. I think that even though I cry and complain about not being able to get a full-time job, the truth is as long as I don’t have a job… I’m safe. I live at home with my family and not much is expected of me. It’s almost as if I haven’t started my “real life” yet. If I get a job and move out I have to start my real life. I have to do all those things I always said I would do with my life. At home, my life is in limbo. Out there, it’s game on.
Anyway, I’ve resigned myself to the fact that I’m going to feel like an over-tired little kid until the interview – my adrenaline is rushing and my nerves are shot. An excellent example of what this means happened just an hour ago. I think I’ve mentioned before that I cry every time I see a preview for “Where The Wild Things Are.” Now, this alone isn’t especially different for me - I cry at McDonald’s commercials with surprising frequency. Anyway, I really like the song in the preview (“Wake Up” by The Arcade Fire), so I downloaded it to my Ipod to listen to while I was showering.
BAD CALL.
I started crying hysterically in the shower. I don’t know what it is about that song and that movie and my life, but I had a total melt down. I think maybe because the song and the movie are about growing up and losing your childhood innocence, but also maybe still retaining some of it. Which I can relate to. I don’t know. In other news, I’m crazy.
Sometimes when I lose perspective on my life, I try to think about what my 7-year-old self would say. I honestly think maybe I had everything figured out at the age of 7, and I’ve just spent the last 15 years getting confused. Anyway, if I could ask my 7-year-old self what I could do to be happiest right now, I think she would hit me over the head with a Barbie doll and ask me when I started doubting everything and why I ever stopped playing with my sisters and dreaming of becoming a movie star and marrying a prince. There isn’t room for doubt when it comes to living the life you have imagined.
And since everything in my life is connected to everything else, I can’t help but think of one of my favorite Storypeople quotes, which I think might actually be the secret of life:
there are things you do because they feel right & they may make no sense & they may make no money & it my be the real reason we are here: to love each other & to eat each other’s cooking & say it was good.
I think maybe I’ve been making this way harder than it needs to be.
Love,
Tara
8: 21 pm Two posts in one day?!?
I know. I’m feeling chatty. And there are about a thousand other things I should be doing, so naturally, I’m blogging. I found out a couple hours ago that I got a final interview for this job I really want. And when I found out, I didn’t jump up and down or scream and yell, as I’d always imagined I would do when I got the news. Instead, I kind of sat there, stunned. And then eventually I made my way downstairs and told the rest of my family. And they all kind of did a mini- jump up and down and scream and yell, and I just stood there. Clearly, my response is not the normal one here, so I ask you this…
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME THAT I CAN’T JUST BE HAPPY WHEN I FINALLY GET WHAT I WANT!??!?!?
Part of me thinks I just don’t want to get my hopes up, after being this close to getting so many jobs before, and then not actually getting them in the end. But I think it’s more than that. I think that even though I cry and complain about not being able to get a full-time job, the truth is as long as I don’t have a job… I’m safe. I live at home with my family and not much is expected of me. It’s almost as if I haven’t started my “real life” yet. If I get a job and move out I have to start my real life. I have to do all those things I always said I would do with my life. At home, my life is in limbo. Out there, it’s game on.
Anyway, I’ve resigned myself to the fact that I’m going to feel like an over-tired little kid until the interview – my adrenaline is rushing and my nerves are shot. An excellent example of what this means happened just an hour ago. I think I’ve mentioned before that I cry every time I see a preview for “Where The Wild Things Are.” Now, this alone isn’t especially different for me - I cry at McDonald’s commercials with surprising frequency. Anyway, I really like the song in the preview (“Wake Up” by The Arcade Fire), so I downloaded it to my Ipod to listen to while I was showering.
BAD CALL.
I started crying hysterically in the shower. I don’t know what it is about that song and that movie and my life, but I had a total melt down. I think maybe because the song and the movie are about growing up and losing your childhood innocence, but also maybe still retaining some of it. Which I can relate to. I don’t know. In other news, I’m crazy.
Sometimes when I lose perspective on my life, I try to think about what my 7-year-old self would say. I honestly think maybe I had everything figured out at the age of 7, and I’ve just spent the last 15 years getting confused. Anyway, if I could ask my 7-year-old self what I could do to be happiest right now, I think she would hit me over the head with a Barbie doll and ask me when I started doubting everything and why I ever stopped playing with my sisters and dreaming of becoming a movie star and marrying a prince. There isn’t room for doubt when it comes to living the life you have imagined.
And since everything in my life is connected to everything else, I can’t help but think of one of my favorite Storypeople quotes, which I think might actually be the secret of life:
there are things you do because they feel right & they may make no sense & they may make no money & it my be the real reason we are here: to love each other & to eat each other’s cooking & say it was good.
I think maybe I’ve been making this way harder than it needs to be.
Love,
Tara
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